nyc marathon: a day i will never forget

When I told people I was running  the NYC Marathon they would ask me if I had a particular goal in mind.  I always answered the same way; I just want to finish smiling and standing up.  And I did just that, with my hands in the air filled with excitement.  

Running the NYC Marathon was one THE BEST days of my life.  I felt like the city was mine.  It was euphoric.  Everything fell into place perfectly even amongst high winds that were knocking me around as I made my way across the bridges.  

There are so many stories.  So many moments.  So many memories.  This day will forever be etched in my mind for so many reasons.  

As I sat on the couch that night after the race I was looking through my instagram feed and my sister Erika commented on one of my first running photos.  She said; "So amazing you get to see where you started and what you've accomplished today.  So awesome."  I love that she took me back to that moment.  The moment when three miles was a struggle and I had just conquered 26.2.  

There was months and months of training.  Miles and miles in the heat, in the cold,  in the rain, in the bright sunlight, and in the dark.  I ran through it all.  My mantra was; just show up.  And that is exactly what I did.  I showed up for each training run even if I didn't feel good, even if I didn't want to do it, even if I would rather have been doing something else.  I showed up.  

Three miles became six miles.  Six miles became ten miles.  Slowly it added up and before I knew it I was running 16, 18, and even 20 miles.  The words "I 'only' have to run 12 miles" came out of my mouth, and it didn't even shock me.  12 miles felt like a short run.  It was incredible.  

I did not do it alone.  Through all of my training I had people supporting me and cheering me on.  They gave me strength when I didn't have it and they believed in me when I doubted myself.  Without them I would not have been able to take on this crazy adventure.  

I am so grateful for the ones who were able to show up for the marathon.  Spending the entire day on the cold and windy streets of NYC.  They cheered with their whole hearts and gave me strength to keep on going.  Without them the race would have been a much different race.  They were amazing!!  

Each time I saw my cheering squad I was elated and had the biggest smile on my face.  I wrote on my wrist each mile I would see them at.  When I was struggling I looked down at those numbers and knew I just had to make it to that next mile.  Once I made it there and saw them all would be ok.  And it was.  

More stories will be coming as the week unfolds and I process the moments.  For now I am just basking in the glow.  I am still can't believe that I did it!  It seriously was THE BEST DAY EVER!

knowing when to say yes

And the day came when you had to say yes
When you knew you weren't 100% ready,
but you also knew you never would be
You were as prepared as you could be
And you were ready to take the leap

So you said YES!
Leaping into the unknown
Unsure of what it would bring
But feeling so strongly in your gut that this was where you needed to be
You followed your heart and bravely stepped forward

There was no fanfare
There was no big celebration
It was a micro movement that shifted everything inside you
Saying yes opened up your heart
And let you start believing in yourself again

Others didn't notice the shift
It was going to take time
Mountains needed to be climbed
New terrain was going to be trekked over
You would fall down more times than you could count

Yet each time you got back up you were stronger
Standing taller, reaching further than you ever thought
You were navigating your own path
Carving out your own destiny
Finding your own way home

What you felt on the inside began to shine on the outside
You attracted like minded individuals to you
There they stood, cheering you on
Your open heart and brave soul inspired others
As you took the reigns and made your dreams come true

And now you can't imagine living on the sidelines
You are deep on the path, always looking for new adventures
You know the fear that comes with saying Yes, and you still have it
But you also know the joy and brilliance that opens up when you do
So you take the risk

You are a beacon of light
You cast hope and inspiration out into this world
You know that you have to live out loud
And each day you prepare yourself to just do that
Your shining light helps others shine

Keep bravely stepping forward
Keep taking the long way home, and enjoying the view
Keep asking questions and challenging what doesn't sit right with you
Keep connecting and learning from others
This is your one precious life, keep saying YES to it

nyc marathon mantra

As I sat in yoga I repeated the mantra I have been using all week to prepare for NYC Marathon.

I am ready
I will run happy
I am ready
I will run strong
I am ready
I will finish

Over and over these words are repeated.  Reminding me of how far I have come.  

When I first began training for the marathon running three miles was a struggle.  Now you will hear the words "I only have to run 12 miles" come out of my mouth.  Never did I think I would have the words 'only' and '12 miles' in one sentence.  Yet here I stand confidentiality speaking them.  

My mantra reminds me that I have prepared.  I have shown up again, and again, and again.  I am ready.  I will finish.  

When we are faced with the unknown fear creeps in and fills our head with doubt.  So easily these fear mongrels could take over and drag us down.  However, I am not going to let them.  I know that I am ready and I am going to show up.  I will put one foot in front of the other and make my way 26.2 miles.  

I will run happy because this is the day that I have been training for.  I have friends and family coming out and supporting me.  Cheering me on and giving me strength.  They have no idea how much it means to me that they will be there and how big of a part they play in keeping me going.  I need them and am so grateful they will be there.  

I will run strong because I am running for those who can't.  I am running for those who have suffered and struggled.  I am running for Hope.  As I have been fundraising for Fred's Team I have heard story after story from people affected by Cancer and I run for them.  Each step of the way I will be holding them in my heart.  

It has been an amazing journey to get to this point.  I am so grateful that I said yes and look forward to Sunday!  

I am ready
I will run happy
I am ready
I will run strong
I am ready
I will finish

When we put our minds to something we accomplish great things.  When we enlist the help and support of family, friends, and our community we are able to accomplish even more.  

What dream is whispering to you?  What one thing do you want to do?  Take that first step today.  

write it down

Standing in front of him there were so many things I wanted to say, but I couldn't.  Emotions were swirling and I struggled to formulate the feelings into sentences.  He stood there in front of me patiently waiting for me to get it out, but it never came.  

"Write it down" he said as he looked around for a piece of paper.  "You write what you are feeling, I will read it, and we will go from there".

This was new territory for me.  Usually when I am struggling with my words frustration emerges from the person I am trying to speak to.  Often times people become impatient with my need to slow down and digest what I am about to say.  I need time to process and think.  Words do not just spill out randomly.  Each word and thought is woven together carefully.  

At first it seemed strange to be writing to him as he sat next to me on the couch.  But once the pen started moving my feelings began to come together and tell the story of what I was going through.  I wrote things that I couldn't have imagined speaking out loud.  I crossed out, began again, and what emerged was my hearts truest expression of what I was struggling to say.  

I was not nervous to pass that piece of paper to him because I knew those words said what I so desperately struggled to speak.  My feelings were clear.  I expressed exactly what I wanted to say.  I had time to process and really hone in on what I was going through.  

As I passed him the piece of paper a huge weight lifted from my shoulders.  Now that the emotion was out I felt that I was ready to speak about it.  He read my words and from there we began a conversation.  It was a new point of entry; beginning with words on the page and leading to a deeper understanding of each other.  

Had he not paused and asked me to write it down the conversation would have been much different.   I would have struggled, got frustrated, and gave up.  It had happened so many times before, I knew the drill.  But he was tender and kind.  He knew how I worked and instead of pushing me in a direction I struggled with he graced me with the opportunity to be exactly where I knew how to be.  

:: Writing is a gift.  The blank page provides us all the space we need to let go, sort through, and begin again.  Are you drawn to the page but intimidated by it's vastness?  Are you unsure how to begin?  Are you a seasoned journal writing looking to infuse different inspiration into your work?  Join me for a 21 day journey into brave journaling where we will show up to the page for 21 days and let our heart and hand do the talking.  You may be surprised at what they have to say.  We begin on November 1st.  

celebrating fall

Living in the Northeast has it's advantages.  I have access within an hours drive to the ocean, the city, and the mountains.  I get to experience all four of the seasons.  Going from brutal cold winters filled with snow, to hot humid summers, and brilliant fall colors.  In between there is spring where new growth occurs.  

I may not be a fan of all of the seasons {especially when the cold and dark creep in}, but when they are here I enjoy celebrating them.  Celebration is one of my self care practices.  It reminds me to be grateful for what is and appreciate the beauty it holds.  

In honor of the brilliant oranges and reds here is a list of 10 ways to celebrate fall:

1. Get yourself outside!  Breathe in the crisp air and go for a walk around the block to admire the fall colors.  See the spectacular show that fall puts on each year.   Mother nature has the ability to fill the trees with color.  But don't wait to long, before you know it those leaves will be gone revealing the bones of the trees. 
2. Savor the flavors of the season.  Apple cider and pumpkin pie are my two fall favorites.  They taste even better when sitting outside on a cool day.  
3. Gather around the fire.  Roast marshmallows.  Tell stories.  Reminisce about days gone by.  Sitting around the fire outside with a warm cup of hot chocolate is the perfect way to kick off fall.  
4. Pull out your sweaters that have been tucked away all summer.  It is there time to shine!
5. Be an explorer and go Geocaching.   Dustin and I got into geocaching last year and had so much fun with it.  It brought us to places in our area that we didn't know existed and it was such a blast when we uncovered the cache.  
6. Rake the leaves into an enormous pile and then jump into them.  Pretend you are six again and let go, be free, and have fun!  
7. Carve a pumpkin.  This always brings me back to my childhood when my brothers and I would gather around and watch my dad carve our family pumpkin.  It was always so fascinating to watch as my father carved and the design took shape.  Go ahead, carve your own pumpkin.  
8. Celebrate Octoberfest!  Find a festival near by that celebrates or create your very own.  Try different beers you never had before and pick your favorite one.  
9. Collect different pieces of nature like acorns and pinecones to decorate your home with. I love having pieces of the outside inside.  Nature is grounding to me and you will find little bits and pieces of it scattered throughout my space.
10. Get outside and capture the colors.  Nature has really put on a spectacular show.  Get out there and appreciate it.  

Fall is fleeting.  It seems to take a bit of time to get here and then as soon as you notice it the cold air rushes in.  Take the time to savor the precious moments that fall brings.  How do you celebrate fall?  Do you have an traditions or special celebrations that turn to each fall?  I would love to hear about them!

journaling

When I moved out of my parents house I tossed all of my old journals.  I didn't have the space to take them with me and I couldn't bear the thought of someone {my parents and brothers} actually reading them.  I was young and can only imagine the teenage angst that was scribbled between those lines.  

• Heartbreak spilling out after I asked Dave to go out with me while standing in the hallway outside of the gym, and he said no. 
• Scribbles of fights with my best friend Kristen during the moments we didn't get along.
• Page after page of boy crushes and unrequited love.  Thinking I would never find someone and be destine to spend the rest of my life alone.  

Yes, it was all there.  My heart filled up those pages.  My journal was my best friend.  It was always there for me no matter what.  It caught everything I threw at it and never once judged.  I could speak honestly in my journal about sneaking onto the golf course with Greg when I never should have agreed to go out with him in the first place.  

When Dustin and I moved I packed all of my journals into boxes.  I was surprised to see how many I had accumulated over the years.  Pages and pages telling the story of how I arrived here. I flipped through some of them and was instantly brought back to the moment.  

• The fear and excitement that swirled in me on the day I was waiting for Amy and Gail to pick me up for my first trip into the woods at Squam Lake.  The uncertainty of the unknown and the thrill of what could be.  
• The sadness that poured out on the days I lost my Grandfather and Nana.  I understood there passing but watching my brothers and parents cry completely broke my heart.  It was a moment where standing beside someone and giving them a hug was all I could do.  The page held my tears.  
• My heart beating two times fast the day Dustin walked into my life.  The way I instantly knew that it was going to be so good.  The gushy words, the way love spilled open, the excitement of something knew.  I was able to relive our first few moments together through the words I wrote on the page.  

When I show up in my journal words spill.  When I look back on what I have written I realize how far I have come and it helps me navigate where I want to go.  There are many stories that I skip over.  Writing them down once was all I needed to release.  It is wonderful though to have them there as a testament for what I went through, how I showed up, and how I kept stepping forward no matter what. 

As I have grown so have my words.  The teenage angst has luckily past and the words that spill are raw, honest emotions.  My journals are my road map. They provide me a place to plan, dream, and let go.  There show me where I was, how far I have come, and help me jump boldly into the future.  

What do your journals hold?  Do you look back on them or toss them after they are filled?

Are looking to kickstart your journal writing or dive deeper into your practice?  I would love to be your guide.  Join me for 21 days of brave journaling from November 1st - Nonvember 21st.