it's more than the marathon

The NYC Marathon holds a special place in my heart for so many reasons.  There is a history with my family that I am forever grateful for.  It started long before I showed up to the starting line.  In fact it started with my aunt and uncle, years ago, and the tradition has carried on. 

I am grateful for all the marathon has brought me:

• Connection with my family
• Inspiration to push myself further than I ever thought I could
• Electric energy running through me -- as a spectator and a runner
• Feeling like NYC was my city
• Pride for humanity and watching people come together
• Watching all walks of life making it happen
• Learning that I am so much stronger than I ever thought I was
• Meeting like minded souls
• Hours on the road
• Cheers from strangers
• A freedom that I never felt before
• Pushing through really hard times
• Watching the sunrise
• Feeling that first rush of cold air hit my lungs
• Running together
• Running alone
• Hearing the cheers from family and friends
• One foot in front of the other
• The feeling of pure joy and elation crossing the finish line

This list could go on and on.  The marathon has brought more to my life than I ever have imagined.  I am grateful for the strength in my legs, carrying me through not only 26.2 miles but the endless amount of training.  I am grateful for the hills I struggled up for they made me stronger.  I am grateful for my courage to say yes.  And grateful for everyone who supported me along the way.  

The marathon is a solo journey.  For it is only you who puts one foot in front of the other and crosses the finish line.  Yet, you are never ever alone and you can't go at it by yourself.  You need the support of those around you to push you when you feel like you don't have the strength to go on.  I am grateful for that support.  

Live big.  Go after your dreams.  Know you can do anything you put your mind to.  I never thought I would or could run a marathon.  And yet I did.  One foot in front of the other.  One step at a time.  And somehow it all comes together and happens.  

just me

With the NYC Marathon behind me I have been feeling a bit lost.  My motivation to wake up at 4:30 and head out the door to run was driven by my training schedule.  In my mind I knew I had to follow it in order to be strong enough to cross the finish line.  So each day {well, almost each day} I followed what it said.  It felt good to be regimented, not have to think about what to do, and work hard towards my goal.  

But now with no schedule to follow and no big goal in sight it is hard to find that motivation to get out the door.  I have been moving my body due to Yoga Teacher Training but I have yet to lace up my sneakers and run.  My body feels tired, heavy, unsure of what it's next step is.  I keep searching for that next big goal, that one next thing to keep pushing me forward. 

But what if that next thing is just me, my life, how I want to feel?

What if it doesn't have to be a bright shiny object in the distance but simply putting myself first and doing it for me?  What if I showed up because I knew it made me feel good?  What if I made myself a priority?

My lofty goal is ME!  Making myself happy, choosing what feels good, putting myself first.  We must take care of ourselves in order take care of others.  We must be tender, kind, and do what makes us feel good.  It doesn't require following a schedule or sticking to a strict regiment.  What matters is following my heart and doing it just because I want to.

And so that is what I am doing.  Listening in. Moving my body.  Holding myself accountable.  Following my heart.  And putting one foot in front of the other.  What matters is that I show up, and that is exactly what I will do, for me.  

runbelthoffrun

It was the second best day of my life {the first was when I ran the NYC Marathon for the first time}.  A day I will remember forever. There are many stories, many memories, but for now this:

• My friend finding me before the start. Seeing him calmed my nerves and got me energized to step up to the starting line.  
• The electrifying cheers from the crowd.  When anyone said my name it made my day and energized me to keep on going.  I tried finding who said my name in the crowd and was so excited when I did.  It felt as if they showed up just for me, which was an amazing connection between two strangers.  
• Seeing two feathers in the distance and knowing that my family and friends had made it.  And not only had they made it ... there was more of them than I expected.  I was elated. Seeing them filled me up in a way that cannot even describe.  And even though I wasn't able to see them at mile 26 thinking that I was going to helped get me through.  I am so grateful for the craziness they put up with to cheer me on.  
• Spotting "the guy with the tray" who was just in front of me in 2014.  I couldn't believe I saw him!  
• The incredible highs and intense lows.  There were moments when I just wanted to give up and throw in the towel ... but I kept going because pain is temporary.  I ran through it and kept on going.  One foot in front of the other.  
• Seeing my friends wife and having her reach out and touch my arm. It was just the touch I needed to keep on going.  It is amazing what human touch and connection can do.  
•  Entering Central Park and feeling the energy of the crowd.  I was depleted and struggling ... but they took me through.  It was amazing!! 
• High fiving a little kid in front of Memorial Sloan Kettering Hospital.  He was a patient at the hospital who had come out to cheer on the runners.  He and so many others is why I showed up to run.  Because I imagine a world without cancer and will do anything I can to make that happen.  
• Seeing my aunts friend on the side of the road cheering all the runners on. She said my name and I saw here .... and didn't expect to see her which was beyond exciting. 
• When the stranger yelled "I see you"  Because really that is all we want in life ... to be seen.  It was her words that kept me going.  One foot in front of the other.  
• My father thanking everyone for showing up as we gathered after the marathon to celebrate.
• Seeing my sister in laws and brother there cheering me on. It meant the world to me that they were there.  
• The roar of the crowd as I came to the end of the Queensboro Bridge. When I ran in 2014 I thought the bridge would never end. This year it wasn't so bad which made me smile.  

I could go on and on.  For the day was amazing.  Beautiful weather, incredible cheering, amazing moments.  My heart is full.  I carry with me the light of my mom and I keep putting one foot in front of the other as I know she would want me to do.  I ran in her memory and felt her with each step cheering me on.  For it is running that has helped me heal.  And it is running that has made me stronger.  I am grateful!  

This Is It

This is it
The moment you have been waiting for
You have worked so hard to get here
Spent a countless number of hours on this one thing
Early morning wake up's
Pushing through past your edge
Tears of joy
Tear of sadness
Brief moments of connection with strangers
New friends made
New roads traveled
All of it has lead you to here
To this moment
None of it would be possible had you not chosen to say yes
Stayed dedicated
Kept showing up
Putting one foot in front of the other
But here you are now
On the verge of an epic journey
Remember to enjoy the ride
Lean deeply in knowing you are prepared
Feel the strength of your mind and body
Allow your soul to guide you
And the cheers from the crowd to carry you
This is it
This is what you have been waiting for
Embrace the unknown and roll with what comes
Take it in, all of it
This is your moment
Live it
 

I am ready

For the past six months I have chosen to show up.  Lacing up my sneakers and pushing myself out the door.  One foot in front of the other.  Exploring different roads, finding new ways home, pushing myself further and further.  With each step I gained strength in my body and my mind.  
When I trained for my first marathon in 2014 each mile I ran was a new goal accomplished.  At the time the most I had ever run was 3 miles, and here I was looking to go 26.2.  As I slowly increased my distance I was hitting numbers I never thought possible, 6, 10, 15, and even 20 miles.  I felt an incredible sense of accomplishment after each run.  

This time around I began knowing that I do have it in me to make it 26.2.  I have done it before and if I stay dedicated and show up than I increase my chances of being able to make it happen.  I settled into a wonderful routine of waking up before the sun rose and getting my miles in before heading out to work.  This was not the way I trained in 2014 but this slight shift felt monumental.  I enjoyed the quietness that engulfed me on my morning runs. 

I am six days away from stepping up to the starting line and my heart is filled with gratitude.  It has been an epic journey!  In 2014 the mantra that rang through my head prior to race day was:

I am ready
I will run strong
I am ready
I will run happy
I am ready

These words play on repeat in my mind today.  I hope that I feel the incredible elation and joy that I felt when I ran that first time in 2014.  I know that is a big ask considering there is only one first time but I am holding that thought close.  I want to run happy.  I want to run strong.  I want to finish smiling.  I have shown up.  I have prepared.  I am ready.  

I am running in memory of my mom, for family and friends who have kicked cancers a** and for those are are deep in the fight.  I am running on Fred's Team to support Cancer Research at Memorial Sloan Kettering Hospital and I couldn't be prouder of the work they do.  There is still time to support this great cause.  Jump on over to my fundraising page to hear a piece of my story and share your support. Every dollar counts!

feeling the support

You never know what you are capable of until you try.  You have to be willing to risk to see what is possible.  You have to leap into the unknown and be ok with whatever outcome occurs.  You have to let go of expectations and just be in the moment.  

I am learning these lessons each and every day throughout my marathon training. There must be no expectations.  I just need to show up, listen to my body, and put one foot in front of the other.  What happens after that is out of my control.  I am doing the work by showing up.  I am proving what I am capable of by putting one foot in front of the other.  I am here.  I am present.  
Along with training for the marathon I am also raising money for cancer research. This in itself is a whole other journey.  One that requires me stepping deeply outside of my comfort zone.  To help raise my pledged amount I hosted a fundraiser; an afternoon of games and fun.  Hosting this type of event makes me queasy and nervous.  

1. I am not very good at party planning.  
2. When it comes to asking for people to help out and bring something along, I would much rather just figure it out myself.  I struggle with the asking.  
3. That struggling for asking runs deep, especially when it comes to asking people to donate money.   

But here's what I learned.  People want to help.  They want to be a part of something.  They want to show support any way they can.  When I am out on the road running it may just be me and the road but there is tribe of individuals cheering me on and supporting each step I take.

The support I have is immense.  Friends and family arrived with smiles, ready to play and more than willing to donate.  There was lots of laughter and beautiful memories made.  The love and support I felt from them has ben tucked deep in my heart and I will carry it with me on my training and on race day.  

I am grateful for all the lessons I am learning on this journey.  For all the stories I have heard and shared.  For the connections and the moments.  Training for a marathon is a priceless opportunity.  I am beyond grateful that I am healthy enough to have the opportunity to do it.  

Thank you for your support.  For your love.  For your cheers.  Without each of you I would be standing still wondering if I am able to do it.  You have helped me believe in myself.  You have pushed me forward.  Thank YOU!