mistakes were made

Yesterday I sent a letter to my mailing list {you can read it here} and there was an enormous grammatical error.  Throughout the letter I wrote "your good" instead of "you're good".  I didn't realize I had it wrong until some very kind friends pointed it out to me.  {Thank you!}

Upon first learning that I made this mistake my heart dropped.  That letter went out to my entire list and there was no way to correct it.  Eeeekkk!!!  I was extremely embarrassed and those little voices in my head began to shout some harsh words.  I was brought back to a post I read awhile ago where someone was upset that they bought a product that had a few grammatical/spelling errors in it. She felt that it was a direct reflection of who the person was and how much they cared (did not care) about their work.

I have never been great at grammar. My eighth grade English teacher can attest as I spent hours and hours after school getting extra help. I do not feel that my mistake is a reflection of who I am or a lack of carelessness....I simply got it wrong.  Thank's to those dear friends I now know the proper way to use these words.  A lesson I hope remains engrained in my brain.  

I am human.  That means I am forever learning and growing. I can't let my mistakes define me. I need to keep moving forward a little bit wiser and with the lesson learned tucked into my pocket.  I am not perfect and will never try to be.  I am uniquely me, mistakes and all.  

I have learned that sharing the truth of our stories brings us together.  We all make mistakes and that is okay.  We cannot let our fear of making a mistake hold us back.  We must show up in this world and give it a try.  It is in these moments that we grow and expand.  

Final e-course of 2015!  

I am excited to announce my final e-course of 2015, Heart Notes.  They say we teach what we most need to learn and that is very true for this.  I invite you to join me in this soulful class where together we will close out 2015 with love, tenderness, and reflection.  

You have journey through another year.  Your feet have taken many steps, memories have been made, hearts have been broken, love has been shared.  There are so many moments to be grateful for, to celebrate, and even to let go of.  Join me December 2nd - January 1st and look back on all that has been.  

As we gather together for four weeks on a private blog we will explore the following themes:

Week One :: Taking Inventory
All companies end each year taking inventory of what is left.  This helps them plan for the new year.  You will do the same.  Taking an inventory on how you feel, where you stand, and what you are still carrying around.  

Week Two :: Celebrating What Was
You have done so much this year, YES you have.  Let's take the time to properly celebrate what was.  Through ceremony and a formal toast let's acknowledge how much you have accomplished!  

Week Three :: Letting Go of the Hardship
Not all moments in a year are beautiful and grand, but it is every moment that makes up who you are.  There are some moments that you no longer need to carry with you.  Through journaling exercises you will be able to let go of these moments and say goodbye.  

Week Four :: Dreaming and Scheming
What do you envision 2016 to look and feel like?  Through vision boarding and quick journal exercises you will uncover what you most desire for the new year and how you want to feel.  

Week Five :: A Final Goodbye, and a Brand New Hello
Yes, is time to say goodbye to 2015 and hello to 2016.  You will write letters, send notes, and prepare yourself to step boldly into 2016 with a wide open heart.  

Let's clear space so that you can boldly step into 2016.  

Join me today!    $42.00

Looking forward to closing out the year with YOU!  If you have any questions about Heart Notes please drop me a line at jbelthoff@gmail.com

what she taught me

She loved sunflowers, corny jokes, and being with her family.  She didn't ask for extravagant vacations, a stunning home or a glamorous life.  She just wanted to spend time around the ones she loved.  She would drop anything and everything to see her grandkids and her face would light up whenever she was with them.  

She instilled in all of us a love for the holidays.  And she instilled in me a love for crafting.  She taught us to be kind to others, to show respect.  She led by example, always showing up when we needed her.  

She was strong.  She believed in us.  She told us how much she loved us.  And would always cook our favorite meal for our birthdays.  Her gifts were thoughtful.  Her heart was expansive.  She cared deeply and wanted to see us all do well.  

My favorite memories are those where we were laughing over the silliest of things.  This usually occurred when we were crafting together.  We did this often, and those memories are tucked deep into my heart.  

Not a day goes by when I do not think of her.  Her, who taught me to spread my wings and fly. Her who loved sunflowers and sunshine.  Her who always had music playing in the house.  Her who is with me every single day.  I carry her around now, showing her the world from my eyes.  

this moment

It was my first birthday without my mom.  A day I wasn't prepared for.  A day I didn't think would come soon.  I was surrounded by family and friends traveling through a city that was filled with excitement and energy.  Thirteen of us trekked around NYC cheering on my uncle as he ran the NYC Marathon in honor of my mom and his father in law.  

It was just last year that my mom was a part of this adventure.  Traversing the subway system, waving her pom pom wildly, and proudly cheering me on as I ran 26.2.  It was one of the best days of my life.  I felt like the city was mine and each time I saw my family and friends on the route cheering, waving, screaming, I knew that I was going to be able to make it all the way to the finish line.  They gave me energy to keep putting one foot in front of the other.  

I still remember vividly seeing everyone waiting for me on the corner after I had finished.  I was making my way through a sea of people on the crowded NYC streets.  When they spotted me they began to cheer wildly.  The look on my mom's face was priceless.  She was beaming with pride.    

So much has changed since that day.  So much that I never ever expected to change.  My Mom didn't tell all of us she had breast cancer until after the marathon.  She didn't want me to worry when I had such a big event coming up.  Looking back now we all know that she was much sicker than just breast cancer.  Yet she was there cheering, beaming, passing me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  She was there every step of the way.  

Even though she wasn't physically at the marathon this year she was definitely there in spirit.  I just know that she was cheering from up above.  I spotted many feathers throughout the city and in honor of my mom my uncle ran with a couple of feathers tucked into his sleeve.  It was an incredibly sweet gesture.  

I still can't believe she is gone.  My heart is shattered but i know her spirit is within me.  I cherish the memories and hold onto them tightly.  So much can change in such a short amount of time.  So much that you never expect to change.  Savor the moments.  Love boldly.  Live wildly.  

where I stand

It is here where I stand
My feet are steady
I do not know where my next step will lead me
But I feel confident to take it

It is here where I stand
Open to all this world has to offer
The brilliant highs and the deepest lows
All of them fill me up

It here where I stand
Ready for anything
I am on an incredible adventure
And I want to savor every moment of it

It here where I stand
Today
But tomorrow I may be someplace else
For that is the beauty of choice

You always have a choice
To stay, to go
To linger on the outskirts
Or dive right in full force

Yes, it is up to you how brightly you want to shine
Do you wear your heart on your sleeve
Or stand just beneath the shadows
How does it make you feel?

Take today to examine where you stand
Feel the moment
Savor the preciousness of this time
Then when you are ready, take your next step

crossing the bridge

I have been standing on an island of discontent.  I cannot place my finger on exactly what it is but there are pieces of me that cannot seem to find a way to smile.  The world feels as if it is caving in on me and I am unsure of how to control it.  It comes in quickly and pulls me down.  There are moments when I cannot handle the high energy of a room and immediately want to run out the door.  

Has this ever happened to you?  Have you ever felt like you lost your spark?  Have you ever kept putting one foot in front of the other but always felt like there were piece of something hold you back from experiencing the full joy that the moment presented?

This is where I stand.  I want to cross the bridge and jump into the light but I know that I must first recognize this inner turmoil and find the root cause.  I am unsure of what exactly it is that has been pulling me down but I do know that I am not making anything better by casting blame on others or getting upset by small things.  

I need to rewrite the story to tell the truth.  Hiding in this current story is getting me nowhere fast.  I need to shed light and be honest on what the real hurt is that I have buried deep.  I will never be able to cross the bridge into the light until I do this.  

So I am turning to my notebook.  Writing first how I see there is something going on.  Through this recognizing it is my hope that as I continue to write whatever "it " is will surface and I will be able to re-write the story.  I want to find my spark again.  I want to enter a room with a smile and really feel it.  It begins right here with me and I won't give up until I am shining.

what i want you to know

What I want you to know is that there are moments that I do not know where I am going.  I put one foot in front of the other and just keep moving.  I am unsure of the path ahead of me, but know that I can no longer sit still.  

What I want you to know is that it isn't always easy.  I have stumbled and fallen down more times that you will ever know.  There has been pain, deep deep pain.  Heartache has taken my breathe away and tears have fallen.  But I have survived and I have preserved.  

What I want you to know is that all of my grand plans didn't work out.  There were times when I fell flat on my face.  When others weren't sure what I was doing.  When I made of fool of myself or got lost along the way.  

What I want you to know is that it isn't always easy.  The world isn't going to hand you exactly what you want in a pretty perfect package.  You have to put in the hard work.  You have to try.  And sometimes no matter how hard you try it doesn't work out.  

What I want you to know is that sometimes you will shift courses.  New things will open up to you that you didn't even knew existed and you will be intrigued and enthralled.  You will begin a new journey and you will not know where it is going.  

What I want you to know is that things are always changing.  Nothing stays the same forever.  You have to keep your heart open.  Your feet moving.  And your dreams alive.  

What I want you to know is that along the way you have to give thanks and show gratitude.  You must stay humble and kind.  When you share yourself with others you are doing a service to this world and spreading love.  

What I want you to know is that I never thought that I would be standing where I am today.  But I am here and I am happy.  And life isn't perfect but it is pretty awesome.  And when we appreciate the awesome more of it comes.  

What I want you to know is that you will never get another today, so make it count.