the boy in the bright yellow shirt

As I put one foot in front of the other on my morning run I spotted him in the distance.  He was hard to miss with that bright yellow shirt.  From far away I did not give him much thought but as I got closer I was intrigued.  He was not who I thought him to be. Rather he was much younger, between 11-14 years of age.  He was riding along with who I guessed to be his Father.  His hands clung to the rail on the side of the truck as his Dad jumped off and picked up the trash cans.  It made me smile thinking how he was witnessing how hard his dad worked. 

I turned the corner and the thought of him left my mind until we crossed paths again.  I watched from afar as he jumped off the truck, grabbed the trash, and threw it in.  He was right there in it and he was working hard.  Filled with enthusiasm he ran a few cans ahead of the truck pulling out the bags of trash and running with them to the next can.  He then waited on the sidewalk for the truck to catch up with him and when it did he ran to throw them in.  

As I passed him he smiled and said hello.  I told him he was doing a great job and I kept on running.  

That moment stayed with me for the rest of the day.  This brief interaction between me and this child left me feeling inspired and happy.  He was throwing that trash away with so much pride and enthusiasm my heart swelled.  He was doing something maybe not a lot of people would choose as a job, and he was smiling.  

He was doing a great job, but the other two guys that were with him were also doing a great job.  They were showing up day in and day out and keeping things clean.  If we didn't have them doing the job they do things would be a lot different.  

I wondered if anyone ever told them they were doing a great job.  They deserve to hear it just as much as that little boy in the bright yellow shirt.  These men work hard and I am so grateful for the work they do.  This thought of saying thank you to them came to me long after I had passed them but has stayed with me and next time I see them I am going to be sure to stop, say thank you, and let them know they are doing a great job.    

together, you and I

And here we are, on the other side of yesterday
Navigating our way
Unearthing our feelings
Discovering new things
And remembering the past
We hold onto all of it
Longing to create new memories together
Yet not wanting to let go of all that was

We are better people because of each other
Stronger
Braver
Wiser
We trust that we are able to show up as we are
And be fully embraced in the moment

There is no fancy showmanship
No fear of having to be someone you are not
It is raw, true, and honest
It is heartache and tears
Rolled deep into laughter and love
It is a you and a me coming together
Finding our way on this path we are creating

We know we are here for one another
Always and forever
There is a great ability to open up
When you know you will never be judged
And so we do
Falling deeply into one another
Cheering each other on

This is the type of love I have been looking for
And here I found it with you
It was never forced
And always true
It feels right and is simply divine
A me and a you entwined together
Just as it was meant to be

you take the risk

You didn’t know if you could do it
But you knew you had to try
You didn’t know what the outcome would be
But you knew you had to take the risk
You have stood on the sidelines for far too long
You watched others take flight wishing you could do the same
You have been stock piling your courage
And you know you cannot wait a single second longer
You must follow your heart
Go after what is calling you
Risk the fear of potential failure
And try anyway
The time is now
To make your own happy
Leap without expectations
See where the road leads you
You know that you are meant to carve your own path
Find your own way home
Discover yourself along the journey
And so you do it
Putting one foot in front of the other
You reach
You grow
You learn
And you keep on going, even when it feels impossible
Because you aren’t meant to live small
You have come here with your heart wide open
And you want to take it all in
This is your life
You claim it
You live it
You are fully present in it
You are going to make the most of it
Each and every day
And so you take the risk, time and time again

healing happens

Grief has a way of knocking you to your feet and making you feel like you will never be able to stand again.  It is paralyzing and deep.  You lose track of which way is up and which is down.  The darkness closes in and you forget what the light feels like. 

Grief has this way of taking over. 

When my mom passed I fell down the rabbit hole of grief and I never thought I would be able climb my way out.  My heart physically hurt and a constant stream of tears fell from my eyes.  It was a pain that I thought no one could heal.

Over time healing happens.  

In moments that you least expect it arrives gently.  A hand reaching out to hold yours.  Sitting with a friend and spilling your heart open. Gathering with family.  The sound of the ocean waves.  Finding feathers.  Seeing signs of her all around. 

Healing seeps into your heart and soul.  It reminds you that you are ok.  That you can make it through this.  That yes it hurts, and always will, but you can still keep stepping forward.  You can feel the sunshine on your skin and enjoy it. She would want you to do just that.   

we accomplish more together

Running is a  solitary adventure but you do not have to do it alone.  In fact you can accomplish great things when you do it with others. 

I learned this lesson in a big way this weekend at my very first Fred's Team Training run.  When I trained for the marathon in 2014 I did all of my running solo.  I figured others were faster, stronger, and more experienced than I was.  Plus I used the excuse that I enjoy solitude to keep my running between me and the road.  

But one thing I know for certain is that in order for me to grow and expand I must step outside of my comfort zone and give new things a try.  

So I took a leap and signed up for a training run with Fred's Team on Governors Island.  I had no idea what to expect and did not know another person going but I knew I had to give this a try and trust that it would all work out.  

The run was scheduled to be eleven miles.  Prior to this run the most I have gone during this training is seven miles.  Running eleven with strangers in a place I have never been to felt a bit terrifying.  What if I wasn't able to make it eleven miles?  What if I had one of those running days where my legs felt heavy and all my mind told me to do was stop?  What if I miss the ferry?  What if ... what if ... what if?  I could have made up a million what if scenarios but I knew no matter what, even in the face of this what if fear that I was going to lace up my sneakers and go to this run.  

Governors Island is two miles around and provides spectacular views of the statue of liberty and NYC.  The plan was to run five laps and a little bit more to reach eleven miles.  There was no pressure to run fast only an incredible amount of encouragement to keep on going.

Runners cheered for one another as they passed.  The water stop provided not only a place to re hydrate your body but a chance to fuel your mind with motivation.  High fives were given as game plans for the next lap were discussed and there was never any judgment about what pace you were running.  You were encouraged to listen to your body.  

Some individuals ran together and others on their own.  I ran on my own and still felt deeply connected to the group.  Prior to starting running eleven miles felt like it was going to be insurmountable but being with others who were also stepping up to the challenge and cheering each other on kept me going.  I ended up crushing eleven miles and running a little over twelve.  

Had I attempted this run on my own it would have been a completely different experience.  My mind would have jumped in screaming at me to stop.  I would have counted down each lap with complete dread.  I wouldn't have been on Govern's Island.  I wouldn't have seen amazing new sites  and had the chance to explore all new ground.  It would have felt monotonous and  may have even been a struggle.  

I am grateful for the opportunity to run with Fred's Team.  It provides me with the not only the opportunity to raise money for cancer research at Sloan Memorial Hospital but also the opportunity to push myself further than I ever thought I could go.  I am so glad I took the leap and went on this training run.  It has taught me to keep stepping outside of my comfort zone, to try new things, and to allow myself to be seen by strangers.  

Together we accomplish so much more!  

I invite you to join me in the fight against cancer and help me reach my fundraising goal as i run in memory of my mom at this years NYC Marathon on Fred's Team.  Donate today and learn more about my story here.  

you are enough

Know that wherever you are standing
Right in this very moment
That you are exactly where you are meant to be

Right here
Right now

The dishes may be piled up
The laundry may still be waiting to be done
Your hair may not even be brushed

But that is okay
Because Y.O.U.
Exactly as you are
Are enough

When you are deep in the trenches
Or celebrating a milestone

When tears of sadness are pouring from your eyes
Or you are smiling wide

Through all the emotions of life
You are enough
Just as you are
In that moment

Never forget that

And if you ever need a gentle reminder
Just let me know
I will shout it from the rooftop
Or write it in the sky
Just to ensure you hear and see it

 ~ Do something today to celebrate you ~

{this post was written on this day in 2010.  I needed to hear these words this morning and thought that you might need them to}