Love Notes is back!

It's back!  Another round of Love Notes begins July 10th and I can't wait to start.  Love Notes is a fun, easy, and free three week project that involves sending one postcard a week to a complete stranger.  Yes, you heard that right, sending a bit of snail mail to someone you may not know.  When is the last time you received a handwritten note in the mail just for you?  My mailbox tends to be filled with bills and mailers, nothing that excites me, but Love Notes changes all of that.    

Love Notes was born out of this desire to connect with people, to have individuals share handwritten words, and to have a project that was easy and attainable for anyone.  There is no artistic ability needed to participate in this project.  Postcards can be bought or made.  What matters most is taking the time to send a bit of handwritten love.  Words have the power to heal and transform individuals.  

In the last round which took place in April we had 300 individuals writing!  In that round I hit a milestone mark having at least one person from every state in the USA participate.  It was incredible.  I hope to be able to do that again.  But this project isn't just limited to individuals in the US, nope it's global!  I have seen participants from Australia, Bahamas, Canada, Germany, Iceland, Ireland, Italy, Japan, Malta, New Zealand, Slovenia, Sweden, and the United Kingdom.  

New this round is the opportunity for children to participate.  I have been getting a lot of questions about how children can get involved and have figured out a way to make it happen.  If you know a child that is interested please click the check box in the sign up form and I will be contacting you to work through the details.  

When I first started this project I had no idea that it would unfold into such a beautiful community of loving, kind, and supportive individuals.  My heart opens up more and more during each round as I see the outpouring of kindness for one another.  Yes it's true, one postcard can change a persons day.  Check out the Love Notes Facebook Group to see a bit of what I am talking about.  

Together let's fill the world with love!

circle with me

What if we gathered
What if you and I were sitting in a circle with others
Talking about our hearts deepest longings and desires
What if we didn't hold back
What if the walls of our hearts came down
And we let it all spill out

Would you feel comfortable enough to open up
Would you trust the circle with your heart
Would you say yes to being together
Are you willing to hold the hearts of others
Do you have it in you to listen deeply
And the ability to hold space for others
This is what circling is all about

I dream of a circle
A soul circle of sorts
Where we gather together
Spill open
Let our hearts unwind and unearth what is below the surface
A circle of trust, love and understanding
A circle of hope
One that truly listens deeply

Will you join me in this circle
Will you gather with me
Hold a strangers hands, offer up a hug
Are you open to sharing your story
Will you spill your heart wide open
Do you believe in trust, friendship, and kinship
Together we can make more magic happen than we can alone
It begins in circle, deep in the soul circle

dear mom

dear mom,

A year ago yesterday you left this world for another.  I still cannot believe you are gone.  I will never again get to hear your laughter or try on funny hat's in the store with you.  How is that possible? It feels like a lifetime since we were in the hospital room surrounding you and yet I can't believe that it has already been a year.  

What amazed me most about the day you passed was as I was crumbling to pieces life around me just kept moving on.  I would see strangers in the coffee shop going through their ordinary moments, rushing from here to there and I wanted to scream out: "my mom just died".  My heart heavy, my eyes on the verge of spilling tears, I didn't know what to do or how to act.  I learned a valuable lesson that day; we never truly know what someone is going through, which is why we should always choose kindness.  

There is so much I want to tell you about this past year and yet at the same time it feels as if there is nothing to say.  Time has gone by in the blink of an eye.  So much loss, so much sadness, so much heartache.  I want to thank you for all the signs you have given me.  All the feathers you have placed on my path.  Each one of them reminds me that you will forever be close in my heart.   

Yesterday we gathered with family and your old friends in the backyard.  We just wanted to be together on such a difficult day.  There was a threat of torrential down pour and incredible thunderstorms, but you know Father ... he hung up a tarp as high as could be and was prepared for the rain.  As Dustin and I were driving down it was pouring and I couldn't help but think back to your 60th party that we threw in your honor a couple weeks after you passed.  Father had said you didn't want a surprise party and you showed us!  This time I think you realized how much we all needed to be with one another and you told the rain to stay away.  It was nice to be together.  

Things around here aren't the same without you.  What I love most is that I see you in so many things that I do.  You had such ease and a way with your grandkids. You let them be kids, get messy, explore, and have fun.  You weren't concerned about the mess you were simply enjoying the moment.  I find myself doing the same things with them and I always think of you.  "Your parent's might not let you do this, but grandma would ... so let's do it" is what I think.  The other day Hannah and I were in your backyard and we were looking at all of your flowers.  She wanted to pick some and of course I let her because I knew you would have done just that.  

You taught me so much about patience.  About appreciating time with family and making a point to get together.  For you it wasn't about the big and fancy things.  No not at all, rather it was about the memories that we could make together and the laughs that we could have.  For this I am most grateful.    

I appreciate all of the time we spent together.  Sitting by the pool in my apartment complex, shopping trips were we bought nothing but had a whole lot of laughs.  Time at the beach.  Crafting together.  Long talks and open hearts.  Girls trips.  Standing on the highway in Pittsburgh.  The memories go on and on.  You and I both know it took a long time for us to be close but it was most definitely worth the wait.  You had become much more than my mom, you had become my friend.  

Even though you aren't here in person anymore I still feel you all around.  I look up to the sky and see your smile.  I talk to you every single day.  A beautiful sunset reminds me of you.  I am running the NYC Marathon in your memory this year.  Each time I am out for a run I think of you and how much you loved the marathon.  I know that you will be cheering me on from above.  

I wish you were here with me right now, sitting on my porch watching the sun go down.  We would be giggling like school girls and probably working on some type of craft.  Know that you are always in my heart every single day.  I am grateful for every memory, every moment, and all the love.  

Sending you a giant hug and blowing up a kiss!

xo ~ Love
Jennifer

did she know she was dying?

Did she know she was dying?  This is what I asked myself as I stood beside her holding her hand one final time.  Everything happened so quickly.  What we thought started as breast cancer spread to her entire body and through it all she remained the most positive I had ever seen her.  She talked about when she would be going back to work and the things we would do when she got out of the hospital.  She searched for the flyer from the newspaper to show my Father the chair she wanted when she got home so she could sit outside.  It broke my heart because I knew she would never get a chance to sit in that chair.  

As I held her hand I was unable to say anything but "I love you, I love you, I love you".  I wanted to tell her so much but I didn't want to let on that she was dying.  Maybe she didn't know.  Maybe  she was peacefully going off to another place and I didn't want to scare her.  Maybe I just did't want to say the words out loud for myself.  

In between hospital visits mom was home for a short amount of time.  She was there, but not really there.  You could see the pain on her face and it broke my heart to see a person who was once so filled with life struggling to take each breathe.  After she passed my brother found on her iPad that she had googled 'Lung Cancer'.  I wonder if there was fear inside of her as she read the results.  Did she know then that she was dying?  

Mom was a trooper right up until the end.  She was more worried about us than she was about herself.  "You can't be spending all this time here" she would say to me "you have things to do".  I refused to leave her side, spending long hours in the hospital chatting, watching the housewives, and giggling about past memories.  "This is why you have a girl" she told the nurse as I was washing her hair in the sink.  "My son would never do this for me".  I remember how terrified I was washing her hair.  I had no idea what I was doing and I didn't want to cause her anymore pain. My dear friend eased my fears telling me to just have fun with it.  "This will be a memory you will cherish" she said, and she was right.  

This Sunday will be the one year anniversary of my mom's passing and those days of being in the hospital with her feels like a lifetime ago, and yet I cannot believe that she has been gone a year.  Time is a tricky thing  Sometimes flying by in a blink of any eye and other times feeling like it is dragging on.  

As I go about my days I see signs of my mom all around.  I feel as if she is watching over all of us and it brings me comfort to know that she is still near.  I still wonder if she knew she was dying or if she was just being strong for us, the way she always did.  I know I will never know the answer but I like to believe that she didn't know.  I like to think that she passed peacefully thinking about going back to work and spending time with her family. We never really know what is next for all of us, and maybe just maybe she didn't know she was dying.  

come sit with me

Come sit with me
Tell me what's on your mind
What are you worried about?
What is lighting you up?

Come sit with me
Fall deep into the silence
Let it engulf you as I hold your hand
And you feel the weight on your shoulders lifting

Come sit with me
Be right here
Look deep into my eyes
And let your heart spill open

Come sit with me
Be in this moment
Allow yourself to sink into our friendship
I am here for you, always

Come sit with me
Know that you are not alone
I see you, I feel you
I know how hard you try

Come sit with me
Yes, be right here
Together we will make it through
The bench is waiting for you to sit right here

be right here

Be here, right now
There is no need to be anywhere else
Be here
Right here
Take a deep breathe in
Look around
Take it all in
Everything
The way your heart feels
The bright colors surrounding you
The moment, this moment
Be right here
There is no need to be anywhere else
How do you feel?
What is lighting you up?
What is pulling you down?
Recognize it all
Breathe life into the moments you want to expand
Do not let them escape you
Hold onto them deeply
Be right here
Yes, right here