celebrating what was

It can be easy to sink deeply into the rabbit hole of sadness
Dreaming and longing for what could have been
Wishing and hoping that things were different
Yes, so easy to do this
But that is not the only option
In the face of tragedy you can choose joy for what was
Show gratitude for all that has been
And share the moments of smiles and laughter that were
Relive the memories by telling the stories
Celebrate the life that was lived
And the legacy that will continue on
Spread the love and dance wildly
Because that is what she deserves
She came here to live, and she did just that
Choose to feel the joy
Let her light shine through you

a way of belonging

I want to talk about the belonging, and the way it just happened
So easily
So simply
With no struggle or fear
We fell into one another, and there we stayed
It happened by chance 
And an understanding between us grew strong
There is a moving together that works
Compassion, kindness, and love
A letting go of expectations
And a letting in of our worlds expanding
It was what neither of us had expected
Yet it felt so right, so real
Now here we are, almost four years later
And this belonging has blossomed and grown
It shines bright even in the darkness
And can be felt in a glance across the room
We value the respect we give one another
And always allow space to grow and dream
We tend to each others hearts
And walk side by side on this journey called life
We are each others biggest fans
And we listen deeply to the words unsaid
Yes, there is this way of belonging
Of him and me, together
 

here's to the guy

Here's to the guy who sat with me for hours and hours just to teach me math
Who quizzed me in spelling
Taught me how to throw a ball
And the value of hard work

Here's to the guy who never let me give up
Who lead by example
Was always there for anything I needed
And who I look up to

Here's to the guy who has been there since the beginning
Who never gave up on me
Pushed me to try harder
And loved me unconditionally, no matter what I put him through

Yes, here's to the guy who is strong and wise
Who can calculate any math problem in his head
Light a fire with one match
And hand a tarp higher than you can imagine

Here's to the guy who is my father
Who continues to teach me open my heart
Lean into family
And be brave

Happy Fathers Day "Father"!  I love you!
 

moments

When your mom passes away you feel like the whole world should stop, but it doesn't
Instead it buzzes around you in it's usual fashion
And you can't make sense of it
What once was an every day activity becomes a chore to complete
It feels like work to get out the door
Everything seems fuzzy and nothing is right

There moments when you can't tell up from down
Tears flow from your eyes at a moments notice
Standing in the line at the grocery store feels like it takes hours
Your chest constrains and you think you can't breathe
You have to get out of there instantly
And you are not even sure why

This new "normal" was nothing you ever expected
You weren't ready for this and you don't know how you will weather the storm
So you do the one thing you know how to do
You grab a piece of paper and a pen
And you write every memory you can remember
You do not want to forget a single moment

The way you held her hand in those final hours
The scent of the shampoo as you washed her hair
The sound of her voice as she cheered for you from down the street
The deep embrace
The moment she sat on the couch across from you and opened up
You want to hold onto it all

You tuck each memory in your pocket
Saving it for the moment you need it most
And a smile forms across your face because there are so many good memories
So much light and happiness
Corny jokes and backyard gatherings
Her life wasn't as long as you wished it to be, but it was full of goodness


 

little happy moments

While my mom was sick I did not take the time to drop notes into my happy jar
But that doesn't mean that even in those tough days that there weren't moments that made me happy
There were many
The way the sun rose and peaked through the trees as I was walking into the hospital on the morning she passed
The feel of her skin as I held her hand
How he showed up, no questions asked because he knew I needed him there
The way he pulled me in close
The laughter in the hospital room when my nieces and nephews were there, and the smile on my moms face as they ran about the room
The challenge of washing her hair and the laughter that ensued
How our family came together
The phone calls, the text messages . . . so much love
The moments in the backyard
Handstands and cartwheels
How he had us blow a kiss from the grandkids after a group hug
Yes, there were so many little moments
Weaved between the tears and sadness my heart grew two sizes
If we take the time to look for it we can find a bit of happy in any situation

there is something about mothers

There is something special about Mothers.  They love unconditionally.  They see you for who you are and support you.  They look past all the hardships that you put them through and they are there.  

It is incredible how Mothers love.  How they show up. Take days off to babysit and let you do your laundry at their house.  They know exactly what will make you happy, and they do it.  No questions asked.  

Mothers, there are no words that properly describe them because they are amazing.  They are superheroes without the cape.  They clean up spills.  They hold your hand.  They are there for you when you are at your worst and celebrate along side of you when you are at your best.

They are at each sporting event, even when it is freezing or pouring rain.  They trek miles to cheer you on as you run 26.2.  They yell the loudest and are the proudest.   

Oh Mothers, they do it all.  They create moments that become memories.  They tell corny jokes and laugh deeply.  They plan vacations at the beach, surprise parties, and backyard gatherings.  They know that the best moments in life are spent with family.  

Yes, there is something special about Mothers and my mother was this and so much more.  She was not only my mother, she was my friend.