I am ready

For the past six months I have chosen to show up.  Lacing up my sneakers and pushing myself out the door.  One foot in front of the other.  Exploring different roads, finding new ways home, pushing myself further and further.  With each step I gained strength in my body and my mind.  
When I trained for my first marathon in 2014 each mile I ran was a new goal accomplished.  At the time the most I had ever run was 3 miles, and here I was looking to go 26.2.  As I slowly increased my distance I was hitting numbers I never thought possible, 6, 10, 15, and even 20 miles.  I felt an incredible sense of accomplishment after each run.  

This time around I began knowing that I do have it in me to make it 26.2.  I have done it before and if I stay dedicated and show up than I increase my chances of being able to make it happen.  I settled into a wonderful routine of waking up before the sun rose and getting my miles in before heading out to work.  This was not the way I trained in 2014 but this slight shift felt monumental.  I enjoyed the quietness that engulfed me on my morning runs. 

I am six days away from stepping up to the starting line and my heart is filled with gratitude.  It has been an epic journey!  In 2014 the mantra that rang through my head prior to race day was:

I am ready
I will run strong
I am ready
I will run happy
I am ready

These words play on repeat in my mind today.  I hope that I feel the incredible elation and joy that I felt when I ran that first time in 2014.  I know that is a big ask considering there is only one first time but I am holding that thought close.  I want to run happy.  I want to run strong.  I want to finish smiling.  I have shown up.  I have prepared.  I am ready.  

I am running in memory of my mom, for family and friends who have kicked cancers a** and for those are are deep in the fight.  I am running on Fred's Team to support Cancer Research at Memorial Sloan Kettering Hospital and I couldn't be prouder of the work they do.  There is still time to support this great cause.  Jump on over to my fundraising page to hear a piece of my story and share your support. Every dollar counts!

feeling the support

You never know what you are capable of until you try.  You have to be willing to risk to see what is possible.  You have to leap into the unknown and be ok with whatever outcome occurs.  You have to let go of expectations and just be in the moment.  

I am learning these lessons each and every day throughout my marathon training. There must be no expectations.  I just need to show up, listen to my body, and put one foot in front of the other.  What happens after that is out of my control.  I am doing the work by showing up.  I am proving what I am capable of by putting one foot in front of the other.  I am here.  I am present.  
Along with training for the marathon I am also raising money for cancer research. This in itself is a whole other journey.  One that requires me stepping deeply outside of my comfort zone.  To help raise my pledged amount I hosted a fundraiser; an afternoon of games and fun.  Hosting this type of event makes me queasy and nervous.  

1. I am not very good at party planning.  
2. When it comes to asking for people to help out and bring something along, I would much rather just figure it out myself.  I struggle with the asking.  
3. That struggling for asking runs deep, especially when it comes to asking people to donate money.   

But here's what I learned.  People want to help.  They want to be a part of something.  They want to show support any way they can.  When I am out on the road running it may just be me and the road but there is tribe of individuals cheering me on and supporting each step I take.

The support I have is immense.  Friends and family arrived with smiles, ready to play and more than willing to donate.  There was lots of laughter and beautiful memories made.  The love and support I felt from them has ben tucked deep in my heart and I will carry it with me on my training and on race day.  

I am grateful for all the lessons I am learning on this journey.  For all the stories I have heard and shared.  For the connections and the moments.  Training for a marathon is a priceless opportunity.  I am beyond grateful that I am healthy enough to have the opportunity to do it.  

Thank you for your support.  For your love.  For your cheers.  Without each of you I would be standing still wondering if I am able to do it.  You have helped me believe in myself.  You have pushed me forward.  Thank YOU!

journey to 26.2

"A river cuts through a rock not because of it's power but it's persistence" ~unknown

In just two shorts months I will be showing up at the starting line of the NYC Marathon.  It feels like a lifetime ago that I said yes.  My heart has opened deeply on this training journey.    

I have ...
Explored new roads.  Gained confidence in myself.  Reached further than I thought I could go.  Payed attention.  Completely zoned out.  Learned new ways to train.  Given up.  Pushed myself out the door.  Let go of expectations.  Smiled.  Cried.  Thrown my hands up in victory.  Waved hello.  Woken up early, earlier than I ever thought I would.  Fell in love with running in the morning.  Found a countless number of feathers.  Climbed hills.  Sped up.  Slowed down.  Listened to what my body was saying.  Learned that persistence pays off.  

I am grateful for the moments I get to run.  It gives me a chance to clear my head, untangle my heart, and find my way back home.  I never thought that running would be such an integral part of who I am, but it is and I am so grateful to have it.  

With each step I have taken I can feel the presence of my mom right along side of me.  When I feel like I can't keep going a feather appears and I know she is near.  Running the NYC Marathon in her memory has given me an opportunity to heal.  It has helped me pick up the broken pieces of my heart and tend to them.  Fresh air, warm sunshine, and the open road helps breathe life back into my tired soul.  

I still have a ways to go on this journey but I am excited about where I am going.  I am beginning to feel strong and confident.  I am finding my way, navigating this unknown terrain.  I am pushing myself forward.  With gratitude in my heart I fill each step with love.  The journey to 26.2 is long but it is beautiful.  So many things learned along the way.  So much love, so many cheers.  I stand here today ready to take on the next two months 

I am running with Fred's Team.  This team is associated with Memorial Sloan Kettering Hospital and raises money to support critical cancer research as MSK's Cancer Center.  I am proud to do what I can to fight the fight against this terrible disease and I envision a day when we will be without it.  My inspiration to run has been driven by how deeply my family and so many others are affected by cancer each day.  Join me in this fight and help me raise as much money as I can for cancer research.  No amount is two small and every dollar counts.  Together let's imagine a world without cancer! 

A great big thank you to everyone that has already donated and to those who have been cheering me on throughout this journey.  Without the love and support that I have been receiving I am not sure I would have made it it this far.  Running a marathon is a solitary journey but the runner is never truly alone.  Support, kindness, and cheers have filled my heart with love and for this I am deeply grateful!

the way they believed in you

Sometimes someone else needs to believe in you
Before you can believe in yourself
They tell you what they think you are capable of
And you chuckle inside because you do not see it
But they stand in front of you holding up the mirror
Not letting you give up
And not giving up on you
All you can do is put one foot in front of the other
Following their lead
You feel like you are struggling to keep up
But you keep driving yourself forward
You want to make them proud
You want to show them
That you can do what they think you can
And so you continue to push
Somehow on your own you find your strength
And you don't give up
One foot in front of the other
Staying present in the moment
You dig deep down inside
And you keep on going
Slowly you realize you are doing it
Somehow, someway
You can finally see what they saw in you
And you cling to it
Stepping forward with more confidence and grace
You had it in you this whole time
You just needed someone to help you unearth it
You are so much stronger than you ever thought you were
You know that now
You feel it
Because they believed in you
You now believe in you
And that is a powerful feeling

we accomplish more together

Running is a  solitary adventure but you do not have to do it alone.  In fact you can accomplish great things when you do it with others. 

I learned this lesson in a big way this weekend at my very first Fred's Team Training run.  When I trained for the marathon in 2014 I did all of my running solo.  I figured others were faster, stronger, and more experienced than I was.  Plus I used the excuse that I enjoy solitude to keep my running between me and the road.  

But one thing I know for certain is that in order for me to grow and expand I must step outside of my comfort zone and give new things a try.  

So I took a leap and signed up for a training run with Fred's Team on Governors Island.  I had no idea what to expect and did not know another person going but I knew I had to give this a try and trust that it would all work out.  

The run was scheduled to be eleven miles.  Prior to this run the most I have gone during this training is seven miles.  Running eleven with strangers in a place I have never been to felt a bit terrifying.  What if I wasn't able to make it eleven miles?  What if I had one of those running days where my legs felt heavy and all my mind told me to do was stop?  What if I miss the ferry?  What if ... what if ... what if?  I could have made up a million what if scenarios but I knew no matter what, even in the face of this what if fear that I was going to lace up my sneakers and go to this run.  

Governors Island is two miles around and provides spectacular views of the statue of liberty and NYC.  The plan was to run five laps and a little bit more to reach eleven miles.  There was no pressure to run fast only an incredible amount of encouragement to keep on going.

Runners cheered for one another as they passed.  The water stop provided not only a place to re hydrate your body but a chance to fuel your mind with motivation.  High fives were given as game plans for the next lap were discussed and there was never any judgment about what pace you were running.  You were encouraged to listen to your body.  

Some individuals ran together and others on their own.  I ran on my own and still felt deeply connected to the group.  Prior to starting running eleven miles felt like it was going to be insurmountable but being with others who were also stepping up to the challenge and cheering each other on kept me going.  I ended up crushing eleven miles and running a little over twelve.  

Had I attempted this run on my own it would have been a completely different experience.  My mind would have jumped in screaming at me to stop.  I would have counted down each lap with complete dread.  I wouldn't have been on Govern's Island.  I wouldn't have seen amazing new sites  and had the chance to explore all new ground.  It would have felt monotonous and  may have even been a struggle.  

I am grateful for the opportunity to run with Fred's Team.  It provides me with the not only the opportunity to raise money for cancer research at Sloan Memorial Hospital but also the opportunity to push myself further than I ever thought I could go.  I am so glad I took the leap and went on this training run.  It has taught me to keep stepping outside of my comfort zone, to try new things, and to allow myself to be seen by strangers.  

Together we accomplish so much more!  

I invite you to join me in the fight against cancer and help me reach my fundraising goal as i run in memory of my mom at this years NYC Marathon on Fred's Team.  Donate today and learn more about my story here.  

searching for a sign

With each step I take my eyes are constantly on the lookout for feathers.  Ever since deciding to run the NYC Marathon in memory of my mom I have been searching for a sign.  A tiny whisper from the universe confirming I am not crazy for taking on this challenge.  

This will be my second marathon.  I ran the first one in 2014 with my mom cheering wildly for me on the side of the road.  I have never seen so much pride in her eyes than I did that day.  I was naive.  I had no idea what to expect.  The most I had ever run was probably five miles.  All I knew was that I had said yes and that I needed to hold up my part of the bargain and train, otherwise I would never make it over the finish line.   

This time I know what I am up against.  

• An excessive amount of time spent running
• Having to say no to so many things when I really want to say yes; all because I need to wake up the next morning and run
• Tired legs
• Aches and pains
• The mind game of feeling like I cannot run a single step more
• The struggle to get out the door

As I write this list of what I am up against I realize that I will also be gaining so much.

• Discovering strength I didn't realize I had
• A stronger body, and stronger mind
• The opportunity to work it all out on the road
• The feeling of accomplishment for pushing myself out the door
• A routine and focus on keeping my body moving
• Pride in showing up, especially when I don't want to

Marathon training is a long and winding road.  There are days when it feels amazing and other days when you are wondering why you decided to do this in first place.  In the end, the good days far out weigh the bad and what you gain matters way more than what you lose.  

As I was out running the other day, struggling up a very long hill, I tuned into my body and decided to walk. You don't always have to keep running, but you do have to keep moving.  As I slowed to a walk and looked down there it was ... the sign I had been searching for this whole time.  A beautiful blue feather reminding me that I am strong enough, that I can make it through, even if I have to walk.  It felt like in that moment my mom was standing beside me cheering me on. I saw the immense pride she carried in her eyes on that November day in 2014 and I tucked it deep into my heart.  It will stay with me each step I take on this training journey.  

The road is long, the struggle is real, but all I ever have to do is show up and put one foot in front of the other.  When I do that I show my mind and body that I am not here to give up.  No way, no how.  Even if I can't run I will walk.  I will make it up that hill and I will my way home and across that finish line one way another.