be in the moment

We had all been through so much this past year.  Life as we knew it had changed forever.  Relationships altered, holes left in our hearts, everything different.  Nothing ever to be the same again.  

Moments slipping through our fingers as we try to gain our footing in this new way of living

Yet here we were, gathered with family along the oceans edge.  Life slowed down even if just for a moment.   Deeply submerged into where we were and who we were with we savored the laughter, let go, and really enjoyed each others company.  It was divine to hear my Father's laughter.  To see him smiling and having such a good time.  He stepped deep into the moment and savored it all.  

Memories forever etched in my heart.  This wasn't just about getting away for a few days.  No, it was so much more than that.  It was a breath of fresh air, a reminder to keep moving forward, an infusion of love from family.  It was arms wide open, warm sunshine, and a deep breathe in.  

I felt the weight of the world lifted from my shoulders as we settled into an easy routine of doing whatever moved us. Walking through the ocean, gazing up at the stars, dancing in the kitchen.  It wasn't fancy.  There was no fan fare.  It was life, beautiful loving life.  Where we were surrounded by family and enjoying being where we were in that exact moment.  

I am so grateful for this time away.  For the moment to let go of the worries and feel the hope that is in front of us.  My mom may not be walking the journey with us, but she is there.  She is always, always there.  And she would want us to keep stepping forward.  She would smile to see us enjoying the moment and soaking in the warm sunshine.  The beach was her happy place. When I am near the ocean I feel close to her.  Being right next to the ocean for a few days I felt my mom strongly in my heart.  I felt her smile as we ventured off on the paddle boards and I felt her sitting with us as we gazed up at the stars.  

She is looking down on all of us.  So proud of the way we have come together.  It makes my  heart smile and brings me hope for what the future holds.  I am so grateful for it all.  For family, love, and being deep in the moment.

Gathering brings us together.  Feeling the love of family infuses me with hope.  Being in the moment reminded me of how incredible life is.  Even amongst the heartache, the struggle, and the tears there is so much goodness.  I am so lucky to have the incredible family I have.  So grateful for trips taken and moments of being able to be together in the moment, yes present in the moment.   

word of the year 2016

Since 2009 I have been choosing one word to guide me throughout the year.  One word {or phrase} that I can tuck into my pocket as a reminder of the direction I want to go.  Sometimes the word chooses me and other times it takes a bit of digging to determine what that word will be.  The one thing that always remains the same is that the word unfolds in ways I never dreamed of and takes me places that I really needed to go.  

My previous words have been:

2015 - Connection
2014 – Build
2013 – All the Cards on the Table
2012 – Soar
2011 – Love
2010 – Connect
2009 - Wings

I thought I had my word for 2016 all figured out.  I was even journaling about it the other day.  But as I sat down to write this post another word came up and I can't seem to shake it.  

My first choice was a phrase :: Daring Greatly.  To me this means standing in the arena, taking risk's, being seen, being afraid of failing but trying anyway, standing in my power, showing the world who I am, going after what is in my heart, speaking up, and letting my light shine bright.  
At this moment in my life this feels like exactly what I need to do.  I have worked hard to get to this point.  I have pushed myself.  I have learned who I am and what I want.  I have discovered my inner strengths and have made my way out of the shadows.  I am ready and prepared to be in the arena and let my light shine.

These words have been percolating inside of me since first reading the below quote:  

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

— Theodore Roosevelt

In order to make great things happen I must take the risk and understand that it might not work out.  I must try even when I am scared.  I must put in the effort.  There is no magic fairy want that will make things happen for me.  I have to do the work.  I have to dare greatly.  

It is time to shine.  To step outside of my comfort zone.  I do not want to live small.  I want to make an impact.  I want to show up, reach, and learn.  I want to inspire others to do the same.  I want to seek out adventure and live more intentionally.  I want to live big!  

As I write this now I see that my secondary word fits in perfectly with "daring greatly".  This word is "gather".  Deep in my heart I feel a call to gather in person with women.  To break bread, share stories, allow ourselves to be seen.  Shifts happen when women come together.  Hearts open, love pours fourth, and we are able to see our inner beauty and learn how to shine our light.

I know deep in my heart that this type of work is powerful, necessary, and life changing.  When we learn to love who we are and take time to work through our old stories and inner daemons the world opens up to us.  Our heart shifts, happiness flows through, and we learn how to seek out the good and appreciate the moments.  

In order to lead a gathering I need to dare greatly and take the risk.  I need to put it out there and trust that individuals will be called to it.  I need to be willing to fail and open to the possibility that it could be better than I even expected.  I must take the chance.    

I have never chosen two separate words as my word of the year, but there is no reason why I can't.  So I am jumping in and going for it.  This year my words are:

Daring Greatly & Gather

How about you?  Do you choose a word each year?  If so, what is it?  I would love to hear about it in the comments below.  

this moment

It was my first birthday without my mom.  A day I wasn't prepared for.  A day I didn't think would come soon.  I was surrounded by family and friends traveling through a city that was filled with excitement and energy.  Thirteen of us trekked around NYC cheering on my uncle as he ran the NYC Marathon in honor of my mom and his father in law.  

It was just last year that my mom was a part of this adventure.  Traversing the subway system, waving her pom pom wildly, and proudly cheering me on as I ran 26.2.  It was one of the best days of my life.  I felt like the city was mine and each time I saw my family and friends on the route cheering, waving, screaming, I knew that I was going to be able to make it all the way to the finish line.  They gave me energy to keep putting one foot in front of the other.  

I still remember vividly seeing everyone waiting for me on the corner after I had finished.  I was making my way through a sea of people on the crowded NYC streets.  When they spotted me they began to cheer wildly.  The look on my mom's face was priceless.  She was beaming with pride.    

So much has changed since that day.  So much that I never ever expected to change.  My Mom didn't tell all of us she had breast cancer until after the marathon.  She didn't want me to worry when I had such a big event coming up.  Looking back now we all know that she was much sicker than just breast cancer.  Yet she was there cheering, beaming, passing me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  She was there every step of the way.  

Even though she wasn't physically at the marathon this year she was definitely there in spirit.  I just know that she was cheering from up above.  I spotted many feathers throughout the city and in honor of my mom my uncle ran with a couple of feathers tucked into his sleeve.  It was an incredibly sweet gesture.  

I still can't believe she is gone.  My heart is shattered but i know her spirit is within me.  I cherish the memories and hold onto them tightly.  So much can change in such a short amount of time.  So much that you never expect to change.  Savor the moments.  Love boldly.  Live wildly.  

feast of love

What you long for you must create.  You cannot sit around at home waiting for it to great you at the door.  You must make space for it and invite it in. 

I crave connection.  Deep intimate connection between women.  Where we have the space to open up and be exactly who we are.  The type of space that is free of judgement and filled with love.  

I crave to be seen and heard.  To have heartfelt conversations where it is ok if the tears fall.  And to also to savor those moments where laughter is contagious and we can't help but smile.  

If I sit home alone these connections do not happen. I must open up my heart and open up my door.  I must invite others in; to be together.  

It is what we all need.  Community.  Love.  Kindness.  We want space to tell our stories and an opportunity to listen to others.  We want a place where we feel comfortable to express the heartache and feel that we aren't alone.  

To obtain this we must reach out and be vulnerable.  We must be willing to share all the pieces of our heart.  The good and the bad.  We must open up which isn't always easy to do.  

To find your tribe you must be willing to leap.

I invite others in.  I set the table and together we gather.  It is here where the bond of friendship is formed time and time again.  As we sip wine, eat delicious food, and share pieces of ourselves.  It is a feast of love.  Moments of raw honesty, heartfelt emotion, and deep laughter. 

It is in the being together that gives us permission to stand tall in who we are.  To shed the layers of protective skin and allow our heart space to shine.  And so we gather.  Again and again and again.  And through time, love, and trust we open up more and more.  We feast.  We love.  We become a tribe of sorts.  Sharing milestones and heartbreak.  Yet also celebrating and laughing deeply.  

Take your chance today.  Reach out and invite others in.  Create your own feast of love.  

creating community

For awhile my heart has been craving a deeper connection to a creative community.  My 9 - 5 side job doesn't fuel me with this type of inspiration and as each day passes the calling has been getting stronger and stronger.  I knew that I could no longer silence the inner dialogue that has been screaming; "invite people in"

I have been hesitant to welcome people into my home because it is not very large and there is no great spot for people to gather and create.  I have been saying to myself that I will wait until we finish the house.  Yet the construction hasn't even begun and if I keep waiting I may just burst.  

So I took the leap and set up a creative gathering.  I invited people to come to my home for a night of vision boarding.  Sometimes when we take a leap and invite others in we are unsure if they will be receptive to what we are offering.   It can feel scary to put yourself out there.  However, the only way we know if something will work is if we give it a try.   You must push past your fear and leap.  Along the way you will learn how to fly.  

I had no idea if the people I invited would be open to vision boarding, all I knew was that I craved a creative community and in order to get that I had to follow my heart and invite people in.  The individuals I invited said yes even though some of them had no idea what vision boarding was.  They knew my passion for life and were drawn in by that.  

I prepared with love a vegetable soup and grilled cheese sandwiches to nourish the creativity.  It was the perfect meal for the cold and snowy weather that was taking place outside.  We gathered around my coffee table and chatted as the sound of ripped pages filled the room.  We laughed, we joked, we shared stories.  We got to know one another just a little bit better.  

My heart filled with love and joy as I watched individuals who have never created a vision board before be so open and into the process.  They ripped away and shared magazines.  Hearts began to open as treasured images and words were found.  Admits piles of papers was someones dream being recognized and coming to life.  

Slowly their visions appeared even if they weren't sure they had one when they began.  With intention each image or word was glued to the page and it became clear what their heart was yearning for.  When we quite our minds and grant ourselves permission to dream we are able to see what it is we are seeking.  

We even broke out the washi tape and colored pencils to bring it all together.  It was beautiful to see what images and words each person was drawn to.  After we had finished we took some time to go around and share our boards.  I loved hearing everyone dreams and what each image represented for them.  It always blows me away how much our hearts open when we are in a safe environment to share what it is we truly want.  There was no judgment, just love.  

I am so grateful for the women who showed up with such open hearts.  They filled my tiny home with laughter and love.  It was a blessing for me to have them gathered around my coffee table.  Through their open hearts and love they encouraged me to keep reaching for my dreams.  

Having a creative community is important for me.  I thrive in a creative environment and need that deep connection to keep me moving forward.  I can already see this community deepening as we continue to gather and I am definitely going to be putting another one on the calendar for April. 

What dream is living in your heart?  What have you been longing to do?  What one step can you take to make it happen?  Go ahead and take the leap, you never know where it will lead you.  

winter bliss yoga retreat

I took a leap and gathered with a group of women I have never met before for an entire weekend of yoga bliss.  I have always been attracted to yoga and have bounced around to different classes in the area but I never stuck with it until Dustin nudged me to join the local gym.  The gym we joined offers many different classes including yoga.  

When I started training for the marathon I found the perfect accompaniment to my weekend long runs; a yin yoga meditation class.  I had never tried meditation before and I was way out of practice with my yoga but I went to the class anyway and I was instantly hooked.  The teacher, Sarah is AMAZING.  She has this beautiful energy and the words she speaks during class go directly to my heart.  

When Sarah asked me if I would be interested in the retreat I immediately said YES!  I felt a calling in my heart that I couldn't ignore.   Even though there are many times that I get lost in Yoga class a weekend of slowing down and showing up on the mat felt like something I needed to do for myself.  

It can be hard sometimes to follow our hearts and say yes to the moments that will nourish us.  However it is deeply essential to take the time to do these things.  We become better people for it, and in turn are able to be better people to those we love.  

We began the retreat with a two hour yoga session that was amazing!  I have never done yoga for two hours and the time flew.  My body stretched.  My mind let go.  I dropped the fear that I was carrying with me that I would look like a fool because I had no idea what I was doing and I was encouraged to do whatever felt right for my body.  What an incredible life lesson, to listen to the sound of your own voice and body and do what feels right.  

The retreat space was filled with lots of windows, incredible light, and a spectacular view of the mountains.  We ate the most nourishing, delicious meals that were made with so much love.  Sarah carved out intentional spaces of silence which I deeply appreciated.  It was wonderful to have the silent time because it let go of any need to feel like I had to come up with conversation and allowed me the time to really process what was going on.  I was also able to get some amazing writing done.  It was fabulous.  

We took time to create vision boards and burn what didn't serve us. My dream of bringing women together emerged on my board.  It felt so satisfying and real to share this dream with the group.  Even though I am not sure exactly the way it will look I know that is the direction I am meant to be traveling in.  

From the "Goddess Guidance Oracle Cards" I pulled:

• Past - Bodies of water
• Present - Infinite Supply
• Future - The Arts

These cards felt so true and timely to where I am on my journey and where I want to go.  

On Saturday night in front of the fire we had a group Reiki session.  During my time I immediately felt a rush of energy leave my body.  It was fierce.  After the session while in different yoga poses I felt my hands getting pulled deeply into the ground.  There were moments when I had to wiggle my fingers just to ensure that my hands were still there.  

I didn't sleep well that night and woke up with a terrible headache.  I wasn't sure I would be able to participate in the morning yoga but showed up and am so glad I did. With each pose energy was brought back into my body.  I began to feel better and better.  

Oh it was a divine weekend!  I am so grateful I took the leap to go and look forward to deepening my yoga practice.  I am buzzing with inspiration and positive energy.  I feel so good.  

Sarah is offering another retreat in June and I couldn't recommend it enough.  If you are in the NJ / NY area check our her Spring Bliss Yoga Retreat.   Sarah has a beautiful way of teaching and makes you feel right at home.  She encourages you to listen to your own body and she is so in tune to the collective energy of everyone in the room.  Go ahead, take the leap.  You won't regret it.