feeling the support

You never know what you are capable of until you try.  You have to be willing to risk to see what is possible.  You have to leap into the unknown and be ok with whatever outcome occurs.  You have to let go of expectations and just be in the moment.  

I am learning these lessons each and every day throughout my marathon training. There must be no expectations.  I just need to show up, listen to my body, and put one foot in front of the other.  What happens after that is out of my control.  I am doing the work by showing up.  I am proving what I am capable of by putting one foot in front of the other.  I am here.  I am present.  
Along with training for the marathon I am also raising money for cancer research. This in itself is a whole other journey.  One that requires me stepping deeply outside of my comfort zone.  To help raise my pledged amount I hosted a fundraiser; an afternoon of games and fun.  Hosting this type of event makes me queasy and nervous.  

1. I am not very good at party planning.  
2. When it comes to asking for people to help out and bring something along, I would much rather just figure it out myself.  I struggle with the asking.  
3. That struggling for asking runs deep, especially when it comes to asking people to donate money.   

But here's what I learned.  People want to help.  They want to be a part of something.  They want to show support any way they can.  When I am out on the road running it may just be me and the road but there is tribe of individuals cheering me on and supporting each step I take.

The support I have is immense.  Friends and family arrived with smiles, ready to play and more than willing to donate.  There was lots of laughter and beautiful memories made.  The love and support I felt from them has ben tucked deep in my heart and I will carry it with me on my training and on race day.  

I am grateful for all the lessons I am learning on this journey.  For all the stories I have heard and shared.  For the connections and the moments.  Training for a marathon is a priceless opportunity.  I am beyond grateful that I am healthy enough to have the opportunity to do it.  

Thank you for your support.  For your love.  For your cheers.  Without each of you I would be standing still wondering if I am able to do it.  You have helped me believe in myself.  You have pushed me forward.  Thank YOU!

putting yourself first

Are you ready?  
Today is the day you choose YOU
Yes, the day you put yourself first
Listen to what it is you need
And go ahead and do it
Right now
Add yourself to your own to do list
Yes, go ahead
I will wait
For far to long you have been putting others first
And that is great that you care so much
But you also  need time to fill your well and fuel your soul
Today is the day to take that time
To make yourself a priority
And not let anyone get in the way of that
Do you want ten minutes to write?
A chance to go for a run?
A moment to sit and meditate?
What is it?
What is your heart and soul asking for?
Listen deeply
Hear what it is saying
And then take action
Today is as good a day as any to begin
So begin today
Put yourself first
Take care of YOU
Nurture your soul
Give yourself space to breathe
Don't wait another minute longer
Begin today

journey to 26.2

"A river cuts through a rock not because of it's power but it's persistence" ~unknown

In just two shorts months I will be showing up at the starting line of the NYC Marathon.  It feels like a lifetime ago that I said yes.  My heart has opened deeply on this training journey.    

I have ...
Explored new roads.  Gained confidence in myself.  Reached further than I thought I could go.  Payed attention.  Completely zoned out.  Learned new ways to train.  Given up.  Pushed myself out the door.  Let go of expectations.  Smiled.  Cried.  Thrown my hands up in victory.  Waved hello.  Woken up early, earlier than I ever thought I would.  Fell in love with running in the morning.  Found a countless number of feathers.  Climbed hills.  Sped up.  Slowed down.  Listened to what my body was saying.  Learned that persistence pays off.  

I am grateful for the moments I get to run.  It gives me a chance to clear my head, untangle my heart, and find my way back home.  I never thought that running would be such an integral part of who I am, but it is and I am so grateful to have it.  

With each step I have taken I can feel the presence of my mom right along side of me.  When I feel like I can't keep going a feather appears and I know she is near.  Running the NYC Marathon in her memory has given me an opportunity to heal.  It has helped me pick up the broken pieces of my heart and tend to them.  Fresh air, warm sunshine, and the open road helps breathe life back into my tired soul.  

I still have a ways to go on this journey but I am excited about where I am going.  I am beginning to feel strong and confident.  I am finding my way, navigating this unknown terrain.  I am pushing myself forward.  With gratitude in my heart I fill each step with love.  The journey to 26.2 is long but it is beautiful.  So many things learned along the way.  So much love, so many cheers.  I stand here today ready to take on the next two months 

I am running with Fred's Team.  This team is associated with Memorial Sloan Kettering Hospital and raises money to support critical cancer research as MSK's Cancer Center.  I am proud to do what I can to fight the fight against this terrible disease and I envision a day when we will be without it.  My inspiration to run has been driven by how deeply my family and so many others are affected by cancer each day.  Join me in this fight and help me raise as much money as I can for cancer research.  No amount is two small and every dollar counts.  Together let's imagine a world without cancer! 

A great big thank you to everyone that has already donated and to those who have been cheering me on throughout this journey.  Without the love and support that I have been receiving I am not sure I would have made it it this far.  Running a marathon is a solitary journey but the runner is never truly alone.  Support, kindness, and cheers have filled my heart with love and for this I am deeply grateful!

it is all going to be ok

If I could tell you one thing right now it would be that it is all going to be ok.  I know it doesn't seem like it.  The road you are on feels dark with no light in sight.  But believe me the light is there, you just have to seek it out.  The world wants to open it's arms up to you but you need to be willing to put in some work yourself.  Opportunity does not just come knocking.  It takes time.  It takes determination.  It takes being brave enough to follow your own heart and reach out and ask for help when you need it.  

You my dear are an incredible human being who deserves the best.  Your warm heart and gentle soul are a gift to this world.  You deserve to be cherished.  Yes, I know you have made mistakes.  We all have.  It is not your mistakes that define you but what you choose to do in the aftermath of them that does.  Do not hold onto these mistakes with deep regret.  Understand your decision for making them and forgive yourself.  Yes, forgive yourself.  Do not look or wait for anyone else to forgive you.  Just forgive yourself.  

Before you fell into this darkness what infused your soul with light?  What made you smile?  What brought you joy?  Go back to your roots of happiness and lean deeply into them.  Do not ever expect another human being to be the one to make you happy.  You need to make yourself happy first.  I know it sounds cliche, but it is true.  Find the things that feed your soul and devour them.  Do not ever let anyone take them away from you.  For these are the things that ignite your spark.  These are your gifts to the world.  

I see you deep inside your sadness.  I know it hurts.  But what I want you to know is that you are not alone and you have the power to change it.  Shift your perception and you shift everything.  You are standing here with a clean slate.  A chance to start all over again.  I know that you never expected or wanted to be starting all over again but what a divine thing to do with all the lessons you have tucked into your pockets.  You are wiser now.  Stronger.  You know what you don't want, and sometimes that is more important than knowing what you do want.  

Lean into the unknown.  Share your heart.  It may feel broken right now but you still have so much of it to give.  Reach out.  Tell your stories.  Let other's in.  Give yourself permission to feel the light that is shining on you and let go of what is no longer serving you.  Step boldly onto the path that you always wanted to travel.  Do the things that make you happy.  Re-discover the pieces of yourself that you have tucked away.  

It won't be easy.  But nothing ever is.  One thing that is for sure though, is that it will be worth it.  All the hard work and unearthing you do will bring forth the bright light inside of you that has dimmed.  You got this, you totally got this.  And remember, it is all going to be ok.    

traveling through the journey

We are all traveling somewhere
Headed in a direction
Even when we do not realize it
The world keeps turning
We keep spinning
Never sure of where we are going to end up
Even when we plan where that will be
A bend in the road appears
A new path is taken
Completely out of our control
The best that we can do is to roll with it
Accept what comes
And keep pushing forward
Life will always continue to go on
Whether you are ready for it or not
So try your best to embrace the hiccups
Let the rough times travel through you
Do not cling to them
Do not let them weigh you down
Let go
Be open
Feel free as you travel
The journey is beautiful
Open your eyes to see it

choosing to be "uncool"

I noticed that I have been playing it safe.  I have been standing on the ground I know and not taking steps into that uncomfortable territory.  When I stand in this space I am protected.   I know what to expect.  I know the roads to travel down.   I can get from one place to the other with my eyes closed, because I have been here before many times.  

But what if I stretched?  What if I pushed myself beyond this zone of comfort and showed up in a space that was unknown and unpredictable.  What would happen?  What if I didn't allow myself to hide?  What if I became the "uncool" kid in a group of "cool" kids?  What if I said what I really wanted to say?  What if I choose to feel it all, even when it didn't feel so good?

I know that when I push myself past the edges I am uncomfortable.  I do not know what to expect, how to prepare, or what to bring along for the ride.  I step into this great unknown and I must learn how to adapt along the way.  It feels raw and messy.  It is scary.  

But when I show up in this space, free of expectations and ready to feel all the feels, I have the opportunity to unlock something inside of me that I didn't even know was there.  I have the chance try something new, meet new people, learn something I never knew about myself.  Doors open where I didn't even a door was there.  Moments that I could never ever have dreamed of occur and I am cracked open.  Changed forever in the best possible way.  

I know I need to push myself outside of my comfort zone.  I need to show up when it feels hard and raw.  I need to be brave with my voice and speak the words I truly want to speak.  I need to do it anyway, even in the face of fear.  I need to allow myself to feel the raw, tender, unknown feelings and take away whatever it teaches me.  I need to step into the great expanse.  

It is not easy to be the "uncool" kid.  To create my own path rather than follow the lead of others.  It takes work, lots of work.  And it takes an incredible amount of courage.  There will be many heartaches along the way.  Intense moments when I doubt myself and think this is just all to much.  But as I keep stepping forward I see the strength I have.  I recognize how far I have come.  I know that these uncomfortable feelings are taking me to places bigger than I ever could have dreamed of. 

I am choosing to be the "uncool" kid.  To use my voice.  To stand in my power.  To not let anyone bring me down.  These are my moments and I can create them how I choose.  I am going to bravely step into the arena and navigate my own path.