you can make it happen

"The only person you are destine to become is the person you decide to be" ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Emerson has said it best.  You will only become the person that you decide to be.   People can not make you who you are not.  You are the one doing the choosing.  You choose to stay.  You choose to go.  You show up with a smile or a frown.  

What you work towards is what you create
What is that you want to create?
Who is it that you want to be?

More often times than not we choose the blame game.  Blaming time, money, resources ... and not having enough of any of them.  But the truth is YOU are the one deciding how you spend your time, how you spend your money.  

YOU can make anything happen if you focus in on it and are willing to let go of others things to get it.  This life is not a perfect magical fairy land.  You will have to make sacrifices.  You will have to make hard decisions.   You will have to let somethings go in order to make room for others.  

But YOU are the one who is the decision maker.  What choices will you make?

you who shifted me

You arrive unexpectedly as you always do
Rearranging the contents of my heart
Teaching me things about myself that I didn’t know I needed to learn
You push me into the great unknown encouraging me to feel my way through the discomfort
You make me smile
You make me laugh
Together we create memories

You who played the guitar by candlelight
Showing me how beautiful it is to be vulnerable
You who somehow got me to try sushi
When I was living in a world of peanut butter and jelly
You who reminded me to slow down, step deep into nature, and appreciate the breeze on my skin
You encouraged me to explore and together we found new places
You who drove across three lanes of a highway and kissed me for the first time in the ocean
You and I hiked the tallest mountains and lounged for hours on the beach
You who expanded my music collection by introducing me to new artist and different songs
You rode with me to the lighthouse and took a dip in the water
You weren’t afraid of adventure and came with me to visit the Indian Tree

You, this collective gathering of people that have flowed in and out of my life
You have left your mark on my heart
And leave me filled up with gratitude for all the moments we got to experience
You opened up my world
Pushed me forward and help me discover myself
You gave me air to breathe when I felt I didn’t have any
You surprised and delighted me
You helped me trust the butterflies
And leap into the great unknown

I remember how I thought that you and him would make great friends
How I had to step down into your living room
The first time you smiled
I remember pulling off the side of the road and listening to the rain drops hit the roof of the car
The moment we had to say goodbye
The way the room felt so tiny when you walked in it
I remember the park
The freedom I felt when I jumped onto the bicycle
And how the moment I saw you I knew it was going to be so good

Everything changed when I met you
The contents of my heart rearranging to find open space for you to fall deep into
I wanted to let you in
For you to see all of me
I wanted the moments to last a lifetime
And in my heart they do
Memories held close
As things shift and change

It is you that I am grateful for
The time we spent together
The chance you took
Thank you for adding to the story of my life
For writing a chapter or even a single sentence together
We may travel separate paths now
But the impact you have made on me will stay with me forever

your light

YOU
Yes you, shine an incredible light in this world
You bring so much with you wherever you go
When you enter a room there is a certain energy that flows through you
You are the one choosing how that energy is going to feel

Do you carry with you joy and light?
Do you freely share it with those you encounter?
Do you smile at strangers?
When you ask someone "how are you" do you stay to hear the response?

You
Yes you, have the power to change someone's day
Share your story with others
Open up and let them in
Be vulnerable, be brave

Look people in the eye
Hold their hand
Break down the invisible barrier
Bring them closer

Because YOU
Yes you, don't have to do this alone
You can be the conduit of connection
When you lean in deep and breathe with your whole heart

deep in grief

I stand here still deep in grief
Unsure of how to process it all
It was just a year ago that we learned how sick she was, and now she is gone

I stand here in shock how quickly it all happened
How young she was
How unprepared we all were

I never thought about a time when she wouldn't be around
We always joked that I was going to put her in a home
And she told me to tell her when she was acting like my grandma

We never had the chance to go through those moments
And now I cling to the memories
Like a life line reminding me of all that was

We never know when our life is going to change
We make plans, we dream, we hope
But there is no guarantee

I see her in everything
The way the sky creates colorful stunning sunsets
Feathers found, songs heard

She isn't here with us in person
But I feel her
And write her letters to tell her what is going on

It still doesn't feel real
But we hold onto each other
And share our stories of her

One moment at a time
A deep breathe in
A heart full of love

She may be gone, but she is still with us

let's roll

In 2014 this awesome group of people braved the crowded subways and streets to cheer me on as I ran the NYC Marathon for the very first time.  I had written on my hand the miles that I was going to see them because I knew nerves would set in and I would forget.  I remember starting the race and thinking .... 'I hope they made it, I hope they made it, I hope they made it".  Then from a distance at mile three I saw an orange pom pom shaking and I knew that was them.  My heart exploded with happiness.  

As I trekked 26.2 miles I kept looking down at my wrist to see when I was going to see them next. When I felt like I couldn't go on I just kept telling myself ... "just make it to that next mile where they will be, just make it there".  And I did and it was an instant energy boost!

Not only did I have them following me along on my route, I also had other family members at mile 17 right outside of Memorial Sloan Kettering Hospital; the charity I was running for.  Seeing them outside of the hospital and knowing that they were there all day just to cheer me on when I passed by was an incredible feeling.  

Because of each of them I made it 26.2 miles!  There cheers and encouragement helped carry me to the finish line.

I remember the first time I watched the marathon.  I was in awe by the individuals running.  Inspiration set in and I wanted to run it myself.  However when I got home reality set in and I gave up on the idea.  It took me a couple of years to get up the courage and actually say YES!  Once I committed I was in, all in.  

I remember how proud my mom was telling everyone she knew that I was training for the marathon.  She believed in me more than I believed in myself and she knew that I was going to be able to do it.  Her encouragement helped push me forward. 

This year I am stepping back up to the starting line and running in memory of my mom who we lost to cancer last year.  I will also be running for my Aunts Liz, Patricia, Grace, and Kathy who have won the fight.  I will be running again for Memorial Sloan Kettering Hospital and raising money for cancer research.  Like so many families cancer has touched my families life in deep ways.

I run to honor my friends and family touched by cancer. 
I run to advance cancer research and care. 
I run because I can imagine a world without cancer and I know the research matters.

Help me reach my fundraising goal by donating today.  No donation is to small and every dollar goes towards cancer research.  Together let's roll and fight the fight.  

Click here to donate

turning the tv off

When I lived alone I did not have a tv.  It was one of the best decisions I made.  Rather than falling down the rabbit hole of television programming I went hiking in the woods, explored bookstores and libraries, rode my bike, walked, painted, read books, and wrote. I did all of this by myself and it was incredibly freeing.  

Prior to living alone I thought I would never be able to do it.  It thought I would be terrified. But in fact it was exactly the opposite.  I fell deeply and madly in love with living on my own.  No one was walking through the door unless I invited them in.  Things were exactly where I left them.  And the only mess I had to clean up was the one I made myself.  

Things look quiet differently today as I am living with my love.  I have noticed that I have fallen down the rabbit hole of reality tv.  Choosing to curl up on the couch and numb my mind than go out and explore.  I didn't realize how much of a toll this was taking on me until I decided to take my mornings back.  

I have realized how deeply I need that time with myself.  The quiet, the uninterrupted moments to think and breathe.  It is necessary for me and something that I have somehow lost track of.  The sound of the television had take over the sound of my own inner voice and I could no longer hear what I needed.  So I turned the TV off.  I let the quietness engulf me and I listened to what I needed ... a walk outside with my camera.  

It was incredible.  Fresh air.  Sunshine.  Me and my thoughts.  Free therapy!  And it is there for the taking.  In fact, it is always there for the taking, I just need to turn off the TV and listen.  

So not only am I taking my morning back, but I am taking back my days.  I am choosing to keep the TV off.  It's ok if I don't know what happens on the Real Housewives.  Not only is it ok, but it will spark my creativity.  It will push me outside.  It will help me to get really clear on what it is I want to do and how I want to live.

What feeds your soul?  What do you do when no one is around?  How do you carve out time just for yourself?