write it down

Standing in front of him there were so many things I wanted to say, but I couldn't.  Emotions were swirling and I struggled to formulate the feelings into sentences.  He stood there in front of me patiently waiting for me to get it out, but it never came.  

"Write it down" he said as he looked around for a piece of paper.  "You write what you are feeling, I will read it, and we will go from there".

This was new territory for me.  Usually when I am struggling with my words frustration emerges from the person I am trying to speak to.  Often times people become impatient with my need to slow down and digest what I am about to say.  I need time to process and think.  Words do not just spill out randomly.  Each word and thought is woven together carefully.  

At first it seemed strange to be writing to him as he sat next to me on the couch.  But once the pen started moving my feelings began to come together and tell the story of what I was going through.  I wrote things that I couldn't have imagined speaking out loud.  I crossed out, began again, and what emerged was my hearts truest expression of what I was struggling to say.  

I was not nervous to pass that piece of paper to him because I knew those words said what I so desperately struggled to speak.  My feelings were clear.  I expressed exactly what I wanted to say.  I had time to process and really hone in on what I was going through.  

As I passed him the piece of paper a huge weight lifted from my shoulders.  Now that the emotion was out I felt that I was ready to speak about it.  He read my words and from there we began a conversation.  It was a new point of entry; beginning with words on the page and leading to a deeper understanding of each other.  

Had he not paused and asked me to write it down the conversation would have been much different.   I would have struggled, got frustrated, and gave up.  It had happened so many times before, I knew the drill.  But he was tender and kind.  He knew how I worked and instead of pushing me in a direction I struggled with he graced me with the opportunity to be exactly where I knew how to be.  

:: Writing is a gift.  The blank page provides us all the space we need to let go, sort through, and begin again.  Are you drawn to the page but intimidated by it's vastness?  Are you unsure how to begin?  Are you a seasoned journal writing looking to infuse different inspiration into your work?  Join me for a 21 day journey into brave journaling where we will show up to the page for 21 days and let our heart and hand do the talking.  You may be surprised at what they have to say.  We begin on November 1st.  

celebrating fall

Living in the Northeast has it's advantages.  I have access within an hours drive to the ocean, the city, and the mountains.  I get to experience all four of the seasons.  Going from brutal cold winters filled with snow, to hot humid summers, and brilliant fall colors.  In between there is spring where new growth occurs.  

I may not be a fan of all of the seasons {especially when the cold and dark creep in}, but when they are here I enjoy celebrating them.  Celebration is one of my self care practices.  It reminds me to be grateful for what is and appreciate the beauty it holds.  

In honor of the brilliant oranges and reds here is a list of 10 ways to celebrate fall:

1. Get yourself outside!  Breathe in the crisp air and go for a walk around the block to admire the fall colors.  See the spectacular show that fall puts on each year.   Mother nature has the ability to fill the trees with color.  But don't wait to long, before you know it those leaves will be gone revealing the bones of the trees. 
2. Savor the flavors of the season.  Apple cider and pumpkin pie are my two fall favorites.  They taste even better when sitting outside on a cool day.  
3. Gather around the fire.  Roast marshmallows.  Tell stories.  Reminisce about days gone by.  Sitting around the fire outside with a warm cup of hot chocolate is the perfect way to kick off fall.  
4. Pull out your sweaters that have been tucked away all summer.  It is there time to shine!
5. Be an explorer and go Geocaching.   Dustin and I got into geocaching last year and had so much fun with it.  It brought us to places in our area that we didn't know existed and it was such a blast when we uncovered the cache.  
6. Rake the leaves into an enormous pile and then jump into them.  Pretend you are six again and let go, be free, and have fun!  
7. Carve a pumpkin.  This always brings me back to my childhood when my brothers and I would gather around and watch my dad carve our family pumpkin.  It was always so fascinating to watch as my father carved and the design took shape.  Go ahead, carve your own pumpkin.  
8. Celebrate Octoberfest!  Find a festival near by that celebrates or create your very own.  Try different beers you never had before and pick your favorite one.  
9. Collect different pieces of nature like acorns and pinecones to decorate your home with. I love having pieces of the outside inside.  Nature is grounding to me and you will find little bits and pieces of it scattered throughout my space.
10. Get outside and capture the colors.  Nature has really put on a spectacular show.  Get out there and appreciate it.  

Fall is fleeting.  It seems to take a bit of time to get here and then as soon as you notice it the cold air rushes in.  Take the time to savor the precious moments that fall brings.  How do you celebrate fall?  Do you have an traditions or special celebrations that turn to each fall?  I would love to hear about them!

journaling

When I moved out of my parents house I tossed all of my old journals.  I didn't have the space to take them with me and I couldn't bear the thought of someone {my parents and brothers} actually reading them.  I was young and can only imagine the teenage angst that was scribbled between those lines.  

• Heartbreak spilling out after I asked Dave to go out with me while standing in the hallway outside of the gym, and he said no. 
• Scribbles of fights with my best friend Kristen during the moments we didn't get along.
• Page after page of boy crushes and unrequited love.  Thinking I would never find someone and be destine to spend the rest of my life alone.  

Yes, it was all there.  My heart filled up those pages.  My journal was my best friend.  It was always there for me no matter what.  It caught everything I threw at it and never once judged.  I could speak honestly in my journal about sneaking onto the golf course with Greg when I never should have agreed to go out with him in the first place.  

When Dustin and I moved I packed all of my journals into boxes.  I was surprised to see how many I had accumulated over the years.  Pages and pages telling the story of how I arrived here. I flipped through some of them and was instantly brought back to the moment.  

• The fear and excitement that swirled in me on the day I was waiting for Amy and Gail to pick me up for my first trip into the woods at Squam Lake.  The uncertainty of the unknown and the thrill of what could be.  
• The sadness that poured out on the days I lost my Grandfather and Nana.  I understood there passing but watching my brothers and parents cry completely broke my heart.  It was a moment where standing beside someone and giving them a hug was all I could do.  The page held my tears.  
• My heart beating two times fast the day Dustin walked into my life.  The way I instantly knew that it was going to be so good.  The gushy words, the way love spilled open, the excitement of something knew.  I was able to relive our first few moments together through the words I wrote on the page.  

When I show up in my journal words spill.  When I look back on what I have written I realize how far I have come and it helps me navigate where I want to go.  There are many stories that I skip over.  Writing them down once was all I needed to release.  It is wonderful though to have them there as a testament for what I went through, how I showed up, and how I kept stepping forward no matter what. 

As I have grown so have my words.  The teenage angst has luckily past and the words that spill are raw, honest emotions.  My journals are my road map. They provide me a place to plan, dream, and let go.  There show me where I was, how far I have come, and help me jump boldly into the future.  

What do your journals hold?  Do you look back on them or toss them after they are filled?

Are looking to kickstart your journal writing or dive deeper into your practice?  I would love to be your guide.  Join me for 21 days of brave journaling from November 1st - Nonvember 21st.  

NYC marathon doubt

On my past few runs I have ventured off without my watch.  I would love to say that I choose to do it to see if I could trust my intuition, but in reality the battery was dead and I did not have the time to wait for it to charge.  So off I went.  

I do not look at my watch that often when I run, but I enjoy checking in with it to see where I am.  Sometimes it is frustrating because I feel great and the watch says I am running slower than I think.  Other times it is the flip side and I am feeling terrible and the watch says I am doing awesome.  I find it comforting on my long runs because it keeps me in check in the beginning and not running off to fast when I am in it for the long haul.  

As the marathon inches closer I am doubting the technology that I have been using.  Has it been telling me the correct miles?  Has it been measuring my pace accurately?  Am I really ready to take on this enormous adventure?    

Excitement is filling me up yet at the same time bits of self doubt are creeping in.  26.2 miles!  A feat I have never attempted before.  Hours and hours of training have gone into this, but will that be enough?  

I need to step back and realize that I have done all that I can.  I have shown up time and time again, even on days when I didn't want to.  I am ready.  I have prepared.  I will make it.  

Sometimes it can be hard for us to believe in ourselves.  We let those self doubt demons fill our head with their chatter.  But I know that as I step up to the starting line that I have given it all I got.  And as I pass my family and friends; hearing there cheers and seeing there smiles I will be infused with encouragement and gratitude to keep on going. 

One foot in front of the other.  Step by step I will get there.  Just as I have gotten here today.  I will make it across that finish line.  

20 things you should begin, right now

1.  Smile.  That's right, lets start with a smile

2.  Drink more water

3.  Let go of fear

4.  Find time to play

5.  Give your partner, your kids, your parents a hug . . . right now

6.   Make a wish

7.  Write down three of your dreams and tuck them away

8.  Tell someone a joke

9.  Take three deep breathes and give thanks for where you are and how far you have come

10.  Get more sleep

11.  Feed your body foods that nourish your soul

12.  Write a love letter . . . to yourself

13.  Step outside and breathe in the fresh air . . . every single day

14.  Go for a walk . . . even if it is only around the block

15.  Laugh deep belly laughs

16.  Say hello to strangers

17.  Trust yourself

18.  Forgive  . . .  yourself and others

19.  Say "I love you"

20.  Slow down and be gentle with yourself

tending to your heart

Moving through each day on autopilot
Gliding gently across the surface
Cleaning the dishes, making the bed, folding the laundry
Completing each task, and starting another one

What would happen if we put those thing on hold
Not forever, but for a moment in time
Instead of checking something off our list
What would happen if we fed our souls
If we did something that really moved us

Would the world come to a screeching halt?
Would your house crumble because there are dishes in the sink?
Would our spirits life while inspiration infused our soul

Ideas blooming from deep within
Small moments in time can have a big impact on our mind
Five minutes of dreaming can open up the door of possibility
Doing one small thing can bring a smile to your face
Filling you up from deep within

Let yourself go
Pick up a paintbrush, take out your notebook and pen
Turn on a song and dance
Soak in a hot bath and dream
Give yourself the gift of self love

What small thing can you do that will lift you up?
What speaks directly to your heart?

Tending to your heart will have a trickle affect
When you are fully fueled you will feel lighter, happier, kinder
This will lead you onto brighter pathways
Go ahead and dive into love, you can do it