washing over me

I was sinking into the unknown
Losing my way
Falling off course
Standing in the middle of despair, fear, and uncontrollable feelings
Trying to make sense of it all

I had no idea which way to turn
Was there a right course of action
Was one micro movement going to shift everything
Time spinning quickly
Getting thrown back into a past life

Where was I headed
What choice was I to make
Did I have any control over this
How would I ever know if I made the right one
Lost, lost, so very lost

I took to the streets
Long walks
Staring up at the stars
Allowing my inner light to guide me home
Finding my way back to center

And now I stand here
Neither moving forwards or backwards
Just still
In the moment
Letting it all wash over me

moments of glory

There are moments when we feel like we are standing alone
Deep in the darkness, no one around to catch us when we fall

There are moments when we aren't sure where to turn
Were to go, or how we are ever going to make it through

But then the light shines through
We stand tall, all on our own

And we realize how
Strong
Brave
Powerful
and, Wise we really are

We see our beautiful selves in the mirror
And we recognize the person staring back
We smile
And look with kind eyes

There will be moments of struggle
There always will be
But then there will be moments of glory
Pure, divine, incredible glory

Where we will be singing at the top of our lungs
Digging deep into our divine selves
And radiating pure joy

Do not allow the darkness the power to fully steal your light
Hold tight to that sunshine that you bring to this world
And allow yourself space to sparkle and shine

You are to beautiful to hide it from the rest of the world
We need you, in all of your glory

letters across the miles

Dear Kristine,

The hot days of summer have definitely shown it's face around NJ these past couple of weeks.  Bright sunshine, high humidity, and incredible sporadic thunderstorms.  Everything the summer is to be.  I am enjoying every minute of it.

I love hearing that you have a few things up your sleeve and have been soaking in your summer days as well.  That is what life is all about - - - enjoying the moments, scheming up ideas, and relaxing deep into the flow and movement that engulfs us.

I have been working diligently on my online class offering.  I love how it is coming together so organically.  The pieces fitting together and opening up parts of me that I didn't realize were still closed off.

One of the topics that came up as I was brainstorming ideas and putting thoughts down on paper for the class was - - - the opportunities we didn't take.  The moments we were to afraid to make that daring decision and instead stuck with the comfortable and familiar.  Those untaken chances haunt us.  Filling us with wonder regarding what could have been.

What is devastating is that we will never know what could have happened had we made a different decision, took the risk, spread our wings and trusted that we could fly.  That thought is sitting deeply with me these past few days.  And I am allowing it space to wash over me and breathe deeply into my soul.

Are there any chances that you didn't take that you wish you did?  Moments in time when you could have risked it all but when for the safe path instead?

Sending you so much love this letters across the miles tuesday.  I hope you are doing well and that the sun is shining brightly on your world.

xo

Jennifer

{11}

it is here

finding your own path

You had asked me not to feel sorry for you
And I do not

You are in control of your destiny
You are the one who chooses which path you go down
And which you do not

It is you who makes these bold choices
It is you who must seek out what makes you happy

You know that you must make yourself happy before you can find happiness with another

It is you who must do it all
You know you cannot rely on others

You know that you have to hone in your dreams
And then chase after them
But you also know that they must be your dreams and not someone else's

Sure, there were moments you fell apart
Bad decisions
Wrong roads taken

You have fallen more times than you can count
Your temper flailing
Your anger getting the best of you

But you see all of that now
And you are making the choice to carve your own path
To walk in the right direction

You are looking for help
You know you cannot go at it alone

You need support
And you are finding it

And you know now that you must step into yourself
Boldly
With immense courage
And follow your heart

It is you who will carve the path to your happiness
It is you who will find exactly what you are looking for

And in my heart I know you will find it

It will not come over night
Nothing ever does
But it will come

And when it does you will be ready to celebrate it

fear of success

I sit here.  Ideas swirling one right after the other.  A mental task list quickly filling the notebook in my mind.  So easily the ideas come, and they are good.  I can feel it in my heart and soul.  Yet it is with much hesitation that I breathe life into them.

I am afraid of succeeding.

Terrified of actually making it happen.

Doubting myself.

Playing that evil comparison game.

I want to begin.  But instead I cook up another idea.  Add some more lines to my task list and head out for a run.

I am lacking the confidence in myself  to take the leap.  I am doubting that people will be interested in the passions that are in tucked into my heart.  I forget that I will attract those that do understand and speak the same language as me.

I am unsure how to find my way out of this hole I am digging myself into.  So I am doing what I know how to do; show up here and write about it.  It feels freeing to state my fear.  To have it down on paper to examine and dig deeper into.

The journey to getting through this begins with these words.