stepping into february

In the beginning of the year I choose a full spread of tarot cards, each card representing a different month.  It has given me an opportunity to slow down and be in the moment more often. 

February is the month of the fish.  

With this comes challenges as the fish is in constant movement on unsure terrain.  There is the ability to get lost in this roaming lifestyle, and not having clear goals can push me in many different directions.  Knowing that the fish is guiding me this month I will need to find peace, set small goals, and accomplish them.  I will have to be adaptable and turn to the moonlight to ground me.  

Even just being a few days into February I can see how this month will be filled with movement and unsteady terrain.  At work things are in constant motion and I need to be flexible and not allow the unsteadiness to shake me.  There is only so much I can control.  I must focus in on what I can can do and not allow what is out of my hands to bring me down.  

At home the ground beneath me is ever changing.  I am unsure what my future will hold but one thing I do know is that I need to follow my heart and push through.  I need to do what makes me truly happy.  There are so many dreams that have been living and breathing inside me.  It is time to bring them to life. 

Movement can be good.  It takes us from one phase of life to another.  We aren't always ready for the changing shifting tides, but sometimes we need to be shaken to our core to open up our eyes and see that we will be ok ... even if we aren't sure where we are.  I invite you to embrace the movement in your life.  To be fluid with it and see where it takes you. 

You may think you are destine for one place and then you end up somewhere entirely different.  Don't write off the different surroundings right away. Give them a chance to show you what they are made of. They may surprise you. 

my mother taught me

I remember the day my mom dropped me off at college.  It was only thirty minutes from my home yet I would be living on campus and life as we both knew it was changing forever.  Her little girl was growing up and would no longer be sleeping in her bedroom right down the hall each night.  

As I walked through the arches on campus I tucked into my heart all the lessons my mom had taught me growing up.  At the time she bestowed these lessons onto me I didn't appreciate them.  But as I entered this vast unknown territory I had a feeling I would be leaning deeply on all that she embedded into my heart.   

Sharing is Caring

This was one of her favorites.  She said it often and always reminded us of it when we forgot.    There were times she didn't even have to tell us because she showed us.  Like when she shared a bit of her sandwich if we were hungry.  Or gave us the towel to dry off first if we only had one after swimming in the ocean.  Letting us pull up the crab lines to check if something took hold.  Taking us to the park when what she really wanted to do was stay home and nap. 

Family Comes First

What mattered most to my mom was family.  When she was with her family her face would light up.  But mother/daughter relationships aren't always easy and there were years my mom and I struggled.  Through it all she never stopped showing me how much she cared and that family is always there.  On our birthday's she would have us over for our favorite meal which she would cook and you could see what joy it brought her to have us all gathered together.  

It's the Simple Things in Life that Matter Most

My mom never went on fancy vacations or cared for the most expensive and extravagant things.  What mattered most to her was time together, a memory made, laughter, family trips.  She enjoyed arts and craft and creating things.  She gave gifts from the heart and knew that it was the moments together that made up a beautiful life. 

Take Care of One Another

I remember when I lived on my own and I wasn't feeling great.  Nothing crazy, just a cold that knocked me down for the count.  My mom showed up at my door with medicine and warm soup.  She tucked me into bed, made sure I had everything I needed, and took care of me the only way a mom could.  Yet she didn't do that for just me.  She took care of everyone around her.  From watching after her friends kids while they went to work to caring for a friend who was dying of cancer.  She showed up.  She picked up tissues strewn all of the floor.  She made sure you were comfortable and she cared deeply.  

There are many other lessons tucked into my heart from my mom.  Lessons I will never forget and follow day after day.  It is because her that I am as strong, as brave, and as kind as I am.  She taught me to work hard, follow through, and not quit until it's done.  She taught me to love deeply, reach out, and invite others in.  She also taught me to not take life to seriously; to laugh at the corniest of things and appreciate the feeling of sand between my toes.  

My mom taught me so much, but most of all she taught me to be proud of who I am.  Some days this lesson is harder to remember than others.  But I do know that I am always growing, always learning, and always becoming.  And even though my mom isn't here to see it; I know she is still cheering me on.   

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What lessons has your mother taught you?

2017 Inventory

As 2017 is coming to a close I have been digging in, looking back and seeing what was.  It is amazing what surfaces when we take the time to slow down, see how far we have come, and look at what we made it through. 

This past year has been filled with a lot of up's and downs like all years have.  I wouldn't rank it as being one of my favorites.  I carry with me a whole set of battle scars.  It wasn't a stellar year but I definitely learned a lot. 

Below is an exercise I like doing at the end of every year.  A year end inventory of sorts.  It is a great way to reflect.  

>> 2017 felt like a blur.  I don't even know what happened and feel like I wasn't present.  In this moment I see how deeply I need to spend time with my notebook.  It is in that sacred space that I allow myself to open up.
>> I did to much of not being present and blindly moving through each day without feeling. 
>> I did to little of sharing my heart and speaking how I felt.  
>> I never should have stopped paying attention and thinking I was invincible.  
>> I am glad I got rocked to my core because it has woken me up and made me see how I need to be more present.
>> I learned that life can throw you curveballs and try to teach you lessons.  But it is only when you are truly ready do you learn them.  And then sometimes you even forget them. 
>> My biggest adventures were our August road trip to Maine and finding my way to the first marathon viewing stop all on my own.
>> My most romantic moment was walking hand in hand with him underneath the glow of the moonlight.
>> I celebrated choosing to show up at "She Recovers" and boldly allowing myself to know that there is something I need to recover from.
>> I never expected to be single.
>> I was unable to find my confidence in teaching yoga and never took the leap to try to find a teaching position.
>> I can't believe that I am so terrible with money.  That needs to change in 2018.
>> I became closer with some friends and family due to heartbreak and I want to continue to nurture those relationships.
>> I let go of my voice and I need to stand tall in it.
>> I loved being with my nieces and nephews.  Receiving a hug from them made my day that much better.  
>> The major life change that occurred was shifting to being single and living alone.
>> If I had to sum up 2017 in one sentence it would be:  What the heck happened?
>> 2017 Theme Song: Waiting For My Real Life to Begin by Colin Hay

What does your 2017 inventory look and feel like?

in this moment

In this moment I know that I am so much stronger than I ever have given myself credit for
In this moment  my heart is broken, but it won't be broken forever
In this moment I know that I need to get back to moving my body
In this moment the page is calling and now is the time to begin writing my book
In this moment I know that I have an amazing support system that I am beyond grateful for
In this moment I have a safe space to land
In this moment I know that I must choose love, always
In this moment I have to be tender with myself
In this moment I know that I must allow space to heal
In this moment I cannot forget about laughter and joy
In this moment I know that there is so much goodness
In this moment I must lean in, open up, and share my voice
In this moment I know that I will never get back today so I must choose to live it

Where are you, in this moment?

{In this moment ... is a prompt from my free Heart Notes class that I am closing out the year with}

turning heart break into heart opening

Two years ago my mom passed.  It all happened so quickly and was very unexpected.  Since that moment I have been in a dark place.  It wasn't until recently that I realized how deeply I have fallen into this darkness.  So deep that I have lost my way.  

In this moment my heart has been shattered into a million pieces and can see for the first time how that darkness has taken over me.  You would think with the passing of my mom that I would learn to appreciate every day, that I would understand how life is short, and we never know when it is going to end.  But rather than appreciate the moments I was consumed with all the things she would be missing.  So consumed that I began to miss the little moments that were happening in my day to day life and I began to take this life I am living for granted.  Things began to slip away as I dug myself deeper and deeper into my hole.   

But as I stand here now with my heart broken I see how precious life truly is.  How we never know what is going to happen next.  We can think we have it all planned out and then a curve ball is thrown our way and everything changes in an instant.  

My heart break has lead to a heart opening.  As I have been navigating this new direction and trying to find my way in this new world I am unsure of where I am going or how I am going to get there.  But one thing I do know for certain is that I cannot waste this time.  I can't live in the sadness of what I have lost.  I can't be afraid of what my future holds.  I have to be grateful for all that was and be ok with what can no longer be.  

With my heart wide open I am inviting others in.  Letting them see the pieces of me that I have kept safely tucked away for far to long.  I am showing up and sharing who I am and how I feel.  I am choosing to break through the wall that I have been hiding behind for far to long.  

My life isn't perfect.  There are things I need to work on.  I have my highs and lows.  But we as human beings all have these things.  It is once we start unearthing these layers that we begin to see we are more alike than we are different.  We begin to learn that we are never truly alone in this world.  There are people who are willing to reach out, grab your hand, and pick you up when you feel you cannot do it yourself.  There are people willing to listen to your heartbreak, give you a hug, and let you know that they are here for you.  

And so I step forward into this new life.  The one I didn't think I would be living in.  This unknown territory.  I am unsure what the future holds for me.  But I trust that it will be beautiful, filled with love, grace, gratitude, and kindness.  I believe wholeheartedly that what you put out into the world comes back to you.  And so I am putting out love, lots of love.  

I am also opening up my heart and sharing my voice.  Because life truly is to short for us to not to.  And even though it is not always easy living with a protective wall up is so much harder than living with your heart wide open.  

And so this heartbreak has lead to a heart opening and for that I am eternally grateful.

share your heart

The world will open up to you, when you open up to it.  It takes courage to speak from the heart.  It takes strength to share your story.  But it is needed in this world.  Yes, it is!  What you have to say matters.  The stories you hold, the love you share, the way you show up ... all of it matters.  

It has taken me time to learn these lessons.  A lot more time than I care to admit.  I can put pen to paper easily.   But ask me to speak these words and I struggle.  Afraid of what others will think if I open my heart.  Afraid of judgment.  Afraid of not being understood.  

Yet I have recently stood in the face of fear.  Showing up exactly as I am.  And I was embraced and held.  I was seen.  I brought something to the table and showed up so much stronger than  I ever thought I was.  I never thought I was the one brining something to the table, but I am.  And you are to!  

You, exactly as you are is a gift to this world.  What you share with those around you is important.  You must continue to show up.  You bring a unique perspective.  When you share your stories you encourage others to share as well.  Do not be fearful of showing others who you are.  It is necessary and so very needed.  

I have struggled for far to long with showing up in this world.  Thinking I was meant to be invisible.  But no one is ever meant to not be seen.  Know this and feel it deeply inside you.  I see now how my thoughts, feelings, and opinions matter.  I see how I have a way of teaching others just by being me.  This my friends, is powerful.  When we understand that our presence alone effects those around us we show up in the world with much more intention.  We do not take for granted the time we have and we respect the energy we give out.  

When you walk into a room you bring a certain energy with you.  Others feel this and it effect their energy as well.  What do you want others to feel from you?  How do you want to show up?  

I encourage you to examine the way you show up in the world.  To notice the energy you carry with you when you enter your home or office.  See how this energy effects those around you.  Be conscious of the strength your energy holds.  See how you can shift it into a positive feeling.  

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Looking to close out the year with others?  Individuals are gathering in the classroom to savor and learn from all that has been.  Together let's take the time to sink deep into the moments, celebrate the successes, and let go of the hardships. Let's clear space to boldly step into 2018 with a wide open heart.

I invite you to close out the year together through a FREE offering that invites you to slow down and reflect.  Join us HERE.