it is here

it is here

Do you ever feel like the world is writing your story for you.  It is as if you are just going through the motions.  You wake up, head to the shower, dry your hair, get dressed, make lunch for the day, check your email, then head out the door.  It is as if you on on autopilot.  You do not question it, you just move with the actions. 

Your nine to five work get's accomplished and when you arrive home for the evening there is a pile of laundry to get done, dinner to be cooked, some gym time to squeeze in, and before you know it the time has come for you to lay your head back down on the pillow.  You wonder how the time vanished so quickly.  You had big plans for when you got out of work yet for some reason they all slipped away.  

The weekends are different or so you hope.  You try to squeeze in as much as you can. Savor the moments, seek out adventure, finally sit down to write, and spend some time with those you love.  Yes the weekends are what you feel you are living for.  

But what if you could change that?  What if you could shift just a little bit to allow more space in your life to feel your heart light up.  It is here where it begins.  In this ordinary moment on the couch when you feel the time is slipping away.  Yes, right here.  Where you have the choice to do exactly what you are doing or do something that feeds your soul.  

Sometimes making this choice may feel like a big leap and a little bit of an indulgence.  You are sitting next to a pile of laundry how could you possibly say yes instead to going for a walk?  But what if you picked up the pace a little.  Folded the laundry quicker than you usually do by shutting off the TV and just concentrated on the folding.  Would there be a few spare minutes to take a walk around the block?  

And sometimes that is all you need a tiny sliver of time to get you back on track and feed your soul.  It is the smallest moments that can make the biggest impact.  You are the one who chooses what you do with your time.  You can let it slip quietly through your fingers or you can seek out what it is right here, right now that will make you happy.  

The other day I saw this quote online:  "Save the excuses.  It's not about "having" time.  It's about making time.  If it matter, you will make the time."  This stopped me dead in my tracks because all to often I use the excuse that I do not have the time yet I am the one allowing the time to slip through my fingers.  

Years ago I went through a fast food drive through.  At the little intercom I ordered my meal and a coke to go with it.  When I drove around to the window the women working handed me a drink that was red in color.  Very possibly it was a fruit punch, but definitely not a coke.  I kindly asked her if I could get the coke instead as I had order and her response to me was; "I do not have the time!"  I was a bit taken back.  First off how long could it possibly take to fill up another soda glass?  Secondly, that wasn't even what I ordered.  Every time I think of the phrase "I do not have the time" I think of that moment and always chuckle.  

But seeing that quote and remembering that interaction puts it all in a different perspective.  It wasn't that she didn't have the time, she just didn't want to do it.  Just like I alway use the excuse that I do not have the time there is something in me that just doesn't want to do it.  Is it fear?  It is laziness?  It is being distracted by other things?  

The only way the big shifts are going to happen is if we take the small steps toward them.  We cannot live our life on autopilot.  We cannot allow others to dictate what we are doing and when we can do it.  We must carve out even the smallest amounts to time to feed our soul and fill up our well.  

Because it is here, right here where it all begins.  

What small step can you take?  What one little move can you choose?  My one move is going to be to shut off the tv and just concentrate on one thing at a time.  I tend to keep the tv on for background noise then get caught up in what is going on that I never accomplish what I set out to do.  How about you?

give thanks for her journey to the end

Give thanks for the way the roses bloomed when they haven't bloomed that way in years

For the gifts that made her smile and reminded her that she was thought about and loved  

For the way family came together and had moments to smile and laugh in between the tears

For the signs that appeared providing comfort on this unknown journey

And for the way she rose up with the sun

The journey has not been easy
Forever she will be missed
But she has surrounded each of us with love and kindness
We have one another to lean on
We have grown closer together
And savor our memories of her
For she is within each of us
She has taught us so much
And will forever be our guide
We give thanks for the memories we have
The moments that were shared
And the love that she infused with us

journaling will open you up

journaling

When I was younger I would tuck my journal underneath my bed so that my brothers would not find it.  There were deep thoughts in there about my current crush and the butterflies I got in my stomach when I saw him.  I filled those pages up, writing long after dark and safely tucking it away under my mattress.  Oh how I would have been devastated if someone were to have found it.  That tiny little notebook contained my heart.  All of the honest words that I couldn't speak to friends were spilled out onto the page.  It was an outlet.  A chance to really set free and be exactly who I was. 

Writing in that notebook gave me courage to take risks.  To ask him out and have a place to turn to when he said no.  It was all ok because the page helped me sort through it.  It pushed me to live body in a world where I was so timid.  It encouraged me to spread my wings just a little bit more and see how far I could go.  The page held the heartbreak, the tears, and the struggles and made them seem not so bad once I wrote it out of me.  Having this to turn to was a gift.  An extremely precious gift I turn to time and time again.  

I hear so many people say that they are not a writer.  They think there words have to be pretty and packaged up.  A neat story contained between the lines with a beginning, a middle, and a beautiful ending.  But that is not what journaling is all about.  Journaling is the freedom to tell your story from wherever you are standing in it in this very moment.  The feelings may be raw.  The emotion unprocessed.  That is ok, because the page does not judge.  It simply catches your words and holds them for you so that you no longer have to carry them around with you.  

There is no right or wrong way to journal.  Spelling does not matter and there does not even have to be one cohesive story.  Sometimes are hands will jump from one moment to the next and we never know what story may emerge.  The beauty that comes with journaling is in watching it all unfold organically.  In giving our hearts permission to just write whatever comes up.   

Yes this is journaling.  The roaming, the wandering, the adventure.  Spilling it all onto the page and not looking back to see where you can take it, but rather letting it take you where it wants to go.  We all have stories inside us.  From places we have been, people we have encountered, moments that have changes us forever.  These stories want to be told and only you can set them free.  

Journaling gives your heart an opportunity to heal.  A chance to tell the story again.  
So see it from a new perspective or to spill deeply into where you are in this very moment.  It is a gift.  A gift that only you can give yourself when you grant yourself the permission to show up and spill open.  The page will never judge and neither for you.  For any emotion you feel in any moment is yours and it is ok.  It doesn't meant that is how it always has to be, but for that moment we must acknowledge it so we can move forward.  

Allow your writing to help you move forward.  To forgive yourself and others.  To take a leap.   To gain confidence in yourself.  To have the courage to keep going.  Allow the page to hold it all for you and reflect back how strong you really are, how much you really know, and how courageous you really can be.  

I invite you to join me from Sept 9th - 29th to bravely step into journaling and grant yourself permission to release your words and see where our stories take you.  

 

in the moment

In the moment time stood still
Quietness engulfed me
I could hear the sound of my heart beating
As a gentle breeze blew past
It was a moment unlike any other
The warmth of the sun shining on my face
My bare feet being tickled by the blades of fresh cut grass
I had made it here
I had traversed uneven terrain
Faced hardships and many unknowns
I had stepped into the the darkness
Willingly
My knees are marked by scars
Each one telling their own story
I have found my way
Leaned in for help
Struggled and succeeded
On top of everything I never gave up
Yes, this is what has lead me to this moment
Putting one foot in front of the other
Facing the long road with a smile and a tear
Taking the risk
Going on the journey
Looking carefully behind me and
Jumping boldly into the moment
This is a moment unlike any other
I stand here strong and brave
Ready for whatever comes my way
For I know now how to ebb and flow
Shifting with the tides
Holding what I need
And letting go of what no longer serves me
My journey thus far has taught me valuable lessons
Of love, loss, and how laughter heals it all
To road ahead is filled with so many unknowns
But this moment holds me gently
Beneath the bright blue sky I am filled with hope
Hope for what can me, for what I can create
For the chance to try again, and again, and again

dear june

dear june
how you brought me to my knees
pushed me in ways I never imagined
showed me how much strength I have
and surrounded me with love in the face of sadness
you were a hard month, a very hard month
but you were also filled with so much goodness

dear june
I never expected you to be the way you were
you are a month I will never forget
I have scars from you that I will carry around forever
you have left me with unanswerable questions
but have also brought forth deep connections
you torn me down then tended to my heart

dear june
you were so much more than I can put into words
you showed me the strength that comes from family
and the love that is brought forth from strangers
you filled my mailbox with sunshine
and pushed me to keep on going
you aren't letting me give up

dear june
forever you will live in my heart