love letter to the signs from loved ones

Dear Signs from loved ones,

It was a warm spring night when my mom and I set off on an adventure to Brooklyn.  We were on our way to meet Susannah Conway who was doing a reading of her book "This I know".  I was thrilled about this moment in time for two reasons.  One - getting to meet Susannah.  Two - being there with my mom.  

My mom and I had a usual mother daughter relationship.  It was a rollercoaster ride of emotions.  There were years when we were close and other years where we drifted apart not understanding one another.  This moment in Brooklyn was a crossing over from not knowing and understanding one another to getting back on the same page and diving deep into a new terrain of friendship.  

It was this night that I learned something about my mom I never knew.  She had a sister she was very close to who passed when she was in her twenties {this I knew}.  I was supposed to be named after her but the day I was born my Grandma told my parents it would be to much for her and so they quickly decided on the name Jennifer.  What I didn't know is that since her passing she had sent my mom signs that she was around in the form of feathers.  

In Susannah's book she talks about receiving similar signs from her late husband.  My mom who struggled to open up to others shared this story with Susannah.  As I stood and watched this interaction unfold my heart grew two sizes.  There is something incredible about seeing your mom be vulnerable and real, especially when she struggled to do so.  I stood there in that moment in complete awe and filled with gratitude.  

Before my mom passed there were signs of feathers that felt as if her sister and father were calling her home and letting us know that she was going to be ok.  I remember one day going over to my parents house to spend time with my mom after her diagnosis.  She fell asleep on the couch so I went outside to get some air.   I noticed a feather on the lawn and walked up to it.  My eye caught other feathers.  In fact they were all around her home.  In the front lawn, the backyard, under the bushes.  It was incredible.  Their were no feathers on the neighbors lawn, just my parents.  

After my mom passed Dustin and I went to the beach to spend the day.  The beach was my moms favorite place to be and it is near the ocean that I feel closest to her.  We drove to spot on the beach got out and decided to keep going down a little further.   When we got out there was a feather sticking upside down in the sand.  It was incredible, how did the feather land this way?  What are the odds of this happening.  I felt in my heart that it was my mom sending me a sign.  Letting me know she loved me and was with me.  

Now when I find a feather my heart smiles.  I feel as if my mom is reaching out and speaking to me.  It is a reminder that even though she isn't here in person she is always with me.  I never noticed feathers before, and now seem to find the most interesting ones.  I wonder if they were never there before or if I just wasn't looking for them.  

What is incredible is sometimes I find them in the most unusual places.  Like when my Father and I went shopping for Christmas gifts for my nieces and nephews and at the check out there was this tiny white feather dancing around the cashier.  Or the feather at the bottom of the stairs at work, inside. Or how about the big feather I found on the property that we are going to build on the day I unexpectedly navigated my way there on my bicycle and the song Home by Philip Philips began to play in my ears.  

Sure these could be all considered coincidences but I feel deep in my heart that they are signs from my mom.  Each feather makes me smile and think of her.  They are tangible reasons to believe that she is looking down on me.  

Thank you dear signs for showing up when I need you most.  For giving me hope and reminding me that I am not alone.  I am so grateful for you.  

xo
Jennifer

love letter to journaling

Dear Journal,

I must start this letter with extreme gratitude for you.  You are are more than just sheets of paper bound together in a book.  You are the keeper of my heart.  You catch every single feeling I throw at you.  You never judge.  You simply just open up and allow me space to spill open.  Thank you!  

I have gravitated towards you ever since I was very young.  Tucking you deep below my mattress so my brothers couldn't find you.  You became my best friend then and you have remained ever since.  Although I could write pages and pages about why I love you here is a quick list to let you know some of those reasons.  

Top 5 Reasons why I LOVE you!

1. You give me space to show up and say exactly how I feel in that moment.  I don't have to put on a filter or think about anyone else's feelings.  I can write directly from my heart and that feels so good.  You understand that these feelings may not depict how I truly feel about something, it is just where I am at in that moment.
2. I can take you anywhere!  I have journaled while waiting for a plane, on a plane, in my car, at the park, at a coffee shop, in bed ... the list could go on and one.  All I need is you a pen and I am set!
3. You are the keeper of my stories.  You show me how far I have come and remind me of where I have been. 
4. When I struggle to say something out loud you give me space to work it out.  
5. Because writing in you heals my heart, encourages me to keep stepping forward, and helps me to understand who I am and where I want to go.

I feel so lucky to have such a divine kinship in you.  Without, oh my goodness I would be a mess.  I tell you all the stories, even the ones I didn't realize I needed to tell.  You give me the opportunity to see them from a new perspective and with a bit of space between us.  This provides me the chance to calm my nerves and unearth how I really feel.  

I have turned to you a countless number of times in utter desperation and in celebration.  You remind me that in life there is space for everything, we just need to take the time to tend to it.  You open up your blank pages to me even if I keep you closed for long stretches of time.  You always whisper "I am here" and this is such a comfort to me.  

Because of you I know and understand the power of writing our stories.  We must put them down on paper.  We must get them out of our hearts and our heads and give them space to breathe.  This simple act of writing lifts the weight from our shoulders and clears space inside for new and incredible adventures.  

I know you are just like me and wish that everyone would carry you around and spill open into you.  I think the world would be a better place if everyone spent a few minutes a day with you.  Have no fear, I am doing my part and spreading the word.  I am out there encouraging others to grab a hold of you and write away.  

Thank you, thank you, thank you!  I will continue to carry you with me wherever I go.  Writing down dreams, ideas, fears, worries and sharing all of my stories.  You will continue to be a beacon of light for me.  My best friend and most trusted confidante.  Let's continue this journey together.  

xo
Jennifer

P.S.  If you are interested in dipping your toes into the world of journaling or an avid journaler yourself and could use a bit of spark to get you going again I invite you to join me for Brave Journaling.  During our time together I will provide writing prompts and inspiration to get your pen moving.  You will leave the course feeling ready to approach the blank page and spill your heart open.  

 

Words of Love!

"To any contemplating this, I encourage you to give it a try.  I admit that I won't be abel to join this session, because I will be working on another magazine article for publication.  You see, it was precisely here - in one of Jennifer's writing classes - that I rediscovered my love of writing and found my true self."  - Rita Herrmann

"I am really looking forward to your newest class.  The last one allowed me to be refreshingly honest with myself and to help realign my priorities.  I am looking forward to staying on that track with this class and excited to see how it challenges me this time around.  Jen you are doing an amazing job."  - Kelly

love letter to my bicycle

Dear Bicycle,

I remember when I was small and I first learned how to ride you without any assistance from training wheels.  I had gotten my cousins hand me down and couldn't wait to jump on.  I taught myself, or so my mom has told me and my instant connection to you began.  

Do you remember riding up and down Williams street.  That one small street provided endless hours of exploration.  Up and down driveways, to the end of the block and back, and that famous Pee Wee Herman fall off of you that I practiced for a countless number of hours on my neighbors lawn.... "I meant to do that"

As a kid you gave me freedom.  My goodness, how many times did we ride to the library together?  

As I grew older my affliction with your remained but do you remember the days when I was a bit intimidated by you.  My then boyfriend would go out for 10, 15, 20 mile rides and I thought him crazy.  How could somebody spend that much time on a bicycle?  I did not understand it.   

And then I signed up for a weekend bicycle race and my love affair with you began.  Day one we rode 20 miles through the cold and the rain.  I felt so accomplished after riding that many miles that a took a lea and jumped into the 50 miler the following day.  I had no idea what I was in for and figured if I couldn't make the little car would pick me up and that would be that. 

I had no idea that I would fall in love with the steady rotation of pedaling and the way you took me down road after road opening me up to sites I never did see.  Brilliant green lawns, big bales of hay, nature at it's finest.  You also challenged me by pushing me to ride up incredible hills.  But remember the little old man we passed.  He was steadily pedaling along and encouraged me to just do the same.  "Just keep pedaling he said.  Put your head down and keep going.  Before you know it you will be at the top"  His cheers lifted my spirits and encourage me to make it to the top.  That 50 mile race was really 60 and I couldn't have been more proud of myself as I stepped with legs shaking off of you.  

You dear bicycle encourage me to explore.  With you I travel down new roads, see sights I have never seen, and even stumble across the property where I am soon to be building a house.  When I am on you I feel at peace.  There are even times when I pedal with no destination in mind just an open heart to exploration. It is freedom, pure freedom.  

You find strength in me that I didn't know I had.  You give me time and space to think.  Moments to dream and an opportunity to soak in the beauty that this world has to offer.  You have brought me stunning sunsets and incredible feathers found.  You never cease to amaze and surprise me.  

Thank you for being YOU!  For setting me free and encouraging me to keep on going.  I look forward to many more adventures together.  

xo
Jennifer

love letter to creativity

Dear Creativity,

Oh how grateful I am for YOU!  Because of you I have become an explorer of the world.  Seeking out new ways to do things, finding new uses for old tools, and taking any little scraps and turning them into a piece of art.  You encourage me to step outside of my comfort zone.  You ask me to play, let go, just give it a try.  You show up in so many unexpected ways and fill me with joy.  

I am grateful for how much my mom encouraged me to hold onto you, always.  She was a crafter at heart and inspired me to be the same.  Ordinary shells she found on the beach became precious christmas ornaments we hung on the Christmas Tree.  A pile of construction paper became a room full of snowflakes and paper doll chains. It was creativity for creativity's sake.  No rules, just fun.  There was so much love infused into each and every project.  This is what mattered most.  

The creative bug inside of me runs strong and I love gathering with others to create together. You really force me to stretch and grow.  You stop me in my tracks and push me to figure out where I want to go next.  You are limitless and filled with so many endless possibilities that my heart just wants to burst.  

You come out of me through paint, words, play, laughter, dancing....I could go on and on.  You remind me what it feels like to be free.  Thank you for always being a part of my life.  For encouraging me and reminding me that there always is another way.  Without you I would be lost and I am so glad that we are good friends.  

Keep pushing me, always!  

Love,
Jennifer

love letter to running

Dear Running,

I feel like I could write a novel about how much I adore you!  There are so many stories, memories, and lessons learned from you.  My heart is full and I am glad that we have become friends again.  

Remember when we broke up, twice?  

The first time was when I was in high school.  I had fallen in love with you after joining the cross country team.  Being able to leave the circular motion of the track and go out onto the streets was thrilling.  Yet my senior year during outdoor track my mind became bored with you.  Going around in circles just wasn't for me.  My coach was great about it offering me up shorter distances and even a try at throwing the javelin.  But here's the thing; Belthoff's don't have speed and when I tried to throw the javelin I hit myself in the head.  That should have been the sign for me to stick with running distance but I just didn't get it and so I left you.  

The second time we broke up was because I was afraid of you.  I had joined the cross country team in college and was excited to get back out onto the road.  At one of the practices we ventured off into the streets.  I was struggling to keep up with the others and was terrified that I wasn't going to be able to find my way back.  I did find my way back but ended up giving up on you.  Funny how those very roads are now my stomping ground and I know them like the back of hand.  

Somewhere along the way we got back together.  I don't remember when or why, but I am so grateful we found our way back.  I am in love with you again and I do not see that love affair ever ending.  I am sure we will have our ups and downs like all relationships do.  There will be moments when I won't speak to you but then I will give you a great big hug and together we will hit the pavement.  

this is how you make me feel

these are the sites you let me see

Oh dear running, you have brought so much to my life.  I love that I do not need much to spend time with you.  All that is required are my sneakers, and even then on the beach I just need my feet.  

You give me the opportunity to clear my head, think through my struggles, and have some time to just be with my thoughts.  You challenge me with hills and push me to travel far from home.  You have shown me beautiful sights and brought me unexpected feathers and sunsets.

The biggest lesson that you have taught me is that I am so much stronger than I ever gave myself credit for and that if I keep showing up day after day I can accomplish what I set out to do.  Every run doesn't have to be perfect.  All I need to do is show up consistently and put one foot in front of the other.  When I do this I become stronger, am able to run further, and accomplish goals I never thought I could accomplish.  

The biggest challenge you ever brought me was training for the NYC Marathon.  I know you were as surprised as I was when I signed up.  It took years for me to get up the courage to say yes but once I did there was no turning back.  My parents taught me I must always see things through to the end and so I did.  It was during this training that I realized how grateful I am for you and how I am never going to let you go.  

Thank you for pushing me to my edge.  For giving me hills that made me stronger.  For allowing me moments to run terribly slow and never once judging me.  It was in those moments that you cheered hard for me and reminded me that what mattered most was that I showed up, especially when I didn't want to.

You have brought me closer to family and friends.  Given me the opportunity to share something that meant so much to me.  You also inspired other family members to lace up their shoes and give it a try.  How divine!  

One of my favorite memories with you was on an ordinary run.  The air was perfect.  It was one of those days where I felt great.  I headed out onto one of my normal routes through the country club.  As I turned down the street near the lake the most beautiful sunset filled the sky.  This stunning site filled my heart with so much joy.  Had I not set off to spend that time with you I wouldn't have experienced that moment.  It is these simple things that fill my heart with so much joy.  

my NYC Marathon cheering squad.  for them I am so grateful!

Another incredible moment that we got to spend together was on November 2, 2014.  The day I ran the NYC Marathon.  That is definitely the best day of my life so far for so many reasons.  It was the moment I had been training for.  There is only one first time for everything we do and this was that moment for me, I was prepared to be fearless and feel it all.  I ran through the city with the biggest smile on my face.  It felt like the city was mine.  The cheers from the crowd and support from family and friends helped take me through to the finish line.  

I remember so clearly the first time I saw my family and friends on the side of the street.  I spotted the orange pom pom and my heart lit up.  They made it, they were here, and they were cheering for me.  It was an incredible feeling.  Without them there I am not sure I would have made it to the end.  

Because of you dear running I was able to feel and see how proud my parents were of me.  There were many times they said it throughout the years but it was in this moment that I could truly feel it deeply.  This feeling will live with me forever.  

Thank you running for helping me find my way back to myself.  For infusing confidence into me.  Helping me find my voice.  And encouraging me to keep showing up and chase after my dreams.  I am grateful for the love you have given me.  The support you have shown.  The challenges you tested me with and the strength you helped me find in myself.  

Our love affair is just beginning and I know our journey together will be long.  I look forward to all the time we are going to spend together and what may unfold.  Sending you so much love as we continue to find our way together.  

xo
Jennifer

Join me in 14 days of love notes and write your very own love note to play.  How do you show up in the world and play?  What way do you integrate play into your everyday?  I will be writing one love letter a day for fourteen days.  For it is love that makes the world go round.  

love letter to car shows

Dear Car Shows,

I know you may find it strange that I am writing a love letter to you, in fact this is one love letter I never thought I would ever write.  Yet here we are with me tapping away at the keys filled with gratitude for YOU!  Yes, I am grateful for you.  

But you don't even care much about cars .... I know this is what you are thinking.  And to be quiet frank with you, I don't.  But I do love you car shows because of what you have brought into my life.  You have given Dustin and I something to do together that makes each of us happy for different reasons.

Him ~ loving all the cars
Me ~ loving the walking around

At each one of your shows we get have the opportunity to be outside together strolling down aisle after aisle of cars.  His eyes light up when he sees something that intrigues him.  Rare cars, cool engines, things I know nothing about but have grown an appreciate for.  I soak in the fresh air, the gentle stroll, the moments of hand holding.  It is the perfect combination for both of us.  

We have experienced many a car show together and they fill us up with so much joy.  So thank you dear car show for filling up parking lots and fields with every car imaginable.  Thank you for pulling us outside and giving us an opportunity to connect with one another.  I love how one thing feeds both of our souls for different reasons.  How divine.  

xo
Jennifer