just a moment

Take a moment for you
Even one single moment will infuse you with love
Step outside
Breathe in the fresh air
Soak in the warm sunshine
Put down your to do list
And set your worries aside
Think about what makes you happy
What lights you up
Smile a great big smile
Even if you do not feel like smiling, smile
Listen to the sounds around you
Do nothing else but sit within the moment
For this one moment there are no expectations
You have no place to be
And nothing to do
Just be right here
Your heart and mind need this space
Give them exactly what they desire
And what you deserve
Sit and observe
Do not judge what bubbles up
Just acknowledge it and let it go
Continue to smile
This is your moment
Be right here
Allow gratitude to swirl around you
Feel all the feels
Your moment is waiting
Go ahead and take it

---

Recent Post

Dear Mom

Dear Mom,

Three years ago you left to walk a different path.  It was all so sudden and unexpected.  One minute you were given a clean bill of health and in the next moment cancer had consumed your entire body.  You fought incredibly hard and were courageous beyond words.  Even in your final days you never stopped mothering us.  Telling us to not spend so much time at the hospital; "you have lives to live" you had said.  But there was no other place we wanted to be but by your side. 

You now watch over us and send signs to let us know you are there.  Each time a sign is received it is a ripple effect of emotion and we all feel the love.  Right before we were about to go on the boat to visit the spot we spread your ashes Father found the tiniest of feathers.  It warmed our hearts deeply. 

You should see the feather collection I have accumulated.  Always at the perfect moment I find one and it brings a smile to my face.  I think about you everyday and am grateful for the conversations we have in the pages of my notebook.  You help guide me forward.  Even though you are not here in person your spirit is still strong and vibrant in my heart.  

We continued our yearly tradition of gathering together to celebrate you.  Of course it was at your favorite spot, the beach.  What a gift you have given us in your passing.  You have made us all appreciate the importance of family and take time to spend with one another.  This weekend together is a blessing and we all feel you right there with us.  

Some of us headed out to where we spread your ashes to drop sunflowers into the water.  You would love the way they float on top of the sea.  It is such a beautiful site to watch them drifting.  While we were out there they were getting ready for a sailboat competition.  I remember you always saying you dreamed of owning a sailboat. 

We then spent the day swimming, laughing, enjoying each others company, and eating delicious food.  The kids also shared the Grandma June memories books they have made using all of your scrapbooking things.  These little books hold so much love and bring back so many incredible memories.  

At sunset we all gathered at the end of the dock to toss more sunflowers into the river and blow you a kiss.  I still remember standing in the funeral home linked arm in arm and Father asking us all to blow you a kiss from the grandkids.  It was wonderful being together and watching the sunflowers drift.  This year they took right off towards the canal.  Maybe they were headed to Chadwick Island.  

We all miss you so much.  Thank you for making us strong enough to get through this.  Thank you for always watching over.  Thank you for teaching us that family is everything and sharing is caring.  You are forever in our hearts.  

Sending you so much love!

Love,
Jennifer

Recent Post

living on your own terms

"Looking around at all that is between these four walls my heart overflows with gratitude.  Everything in this space is a direct reflection of who I am and the journey I am traveling.  The shelves are filled with books, art, and photographs.  There are mini alters tucked in all around with pieces of nature and talismans from my travels.  You may look at that glass jar filled with shells and think they are just shells but they hold the stories of my unearthing.  You will not find a television but you will see a red bicycle with a basket and a cozy spot to sit and write. 

I am the one who crafted this space.  I am the one who made it happen.  This is my little haven.  It is in this space where I feel peaceful, safe and happy.  I am free to dream.  Free to grow.  Free to do whatever my heart desires.  I am grateful to be here alone."  - words from my journal 2010

I came across these words as I was going through some of my old journals.  I was immediately transported back to my tiny studio apartment which held me gently, gave me a new form of independence, and space to unearth who I am.  

Prior to living alone I wasn't sure if I would be able to handle it.  Would I get scared?  Would it be lonely?  Would I struggle?  The answer to those three questions is yes.  I would get scared.  I would be lonely.  I would struggle.  But in living alone I gained the opportunity learn how to work through the tough moments.  I grew stronger and more confidante in myself.  

I remember one time in the middle of the night I woke up screaming.  I had heard someone enter my apartment and it felt like they were standing over me.  I turned on the lights, and luckily it being a studio apartment I was able to see everything.  It was just a nightmare, there was no one there.  But that nightmare rattled me and I couldn't fall back asleep.  I had wished that someone was there to get my mind off of it.  But it was just me.  

There were other time when I was so grateful to know that the only way that my door was going to open was if I opened it.  No one else had the key.  No one else was expected to come home.  It was just me.  When I walked in the door everything would be where i left it.  The only mess to clean up was my own.  

On a daily bases I reminded myself to be grateful.  Because once I found someone and possibly started a family I would not have my own space to come home to.  I wouldn't be able to just leave and not tell someone where I was going.  I wouldn't be able to leave my paint all over the kitchen counter.  I wouldn't be able to do whatever it was my heart was calling me to do at any given moment.  There would be other people I would have to check in with first.  

For years I was searching for someone to make me whole.  Thinking if I found the right boyfriend I would be finally be happy.  But in living alone I learned that I was the one I was waiting for this entire time.  No one was going to make me happy except myself.  It isn't anyone else's job except my own.  I had to figure out what light me up.  I had to unearth what made me smile from ear to ear.  I had to put in the time to figure it all out.  No one would ever do that for me and I couldn't expect someone to. 

Once I realized this everything shifted in me.  I didn't worry about dating or finding the right guy.  I dug in deep on a self exploration journey to find out what really made me happy.  I dipped my toe into a lot of things that weren't me.  I became an explorer and tried a lot of things on for size. 

What I ended up learning is that who I am and what makes me happy was there all along, I just had to recognize it.  

I am a writer.  It is words that bring me joy.  I am in love with reading and writing.  I didn't ever see myself as a writer but slowly I began to give myself credit for it and embrace that this is who I am.

Living alone was a gift.  An invaluable gift that I will forever cherish.  I loved my studio apartment and how safe I felt there.  I savor all of the memories that I made.  The struggles, the hardship, the laughter, the loneliness, the creative energy, the conversations, the kisses, the unknowing.  All of it is deeply engrained in me.  I am a better person for having lived alone.  

crossing over the bridge

Waiting on the other side of the bridge is the life you have been cultivating.  The one where you show up exactly as you are, standing tall in your light.  Yes, it is right there. 

All you need to be is be brave enough to cross the bridge and claim it.

The choice is yours.  You can stay exactly where you are.  Feet firmly planted on the ground.  You know the ropes on this side.  Even with your eyes closed you can find your way through.  You have a comfort and ease here.

Or you can venture into the unknown.  Into the place that your heartstrings are pulling you.  You know the life you are meant to be living is on the other side of that bridge.  You know you can totally rock it.  You know the time is now.  Each step you have taken has brought here.  Why stop now?  

You have been working towards this and you have finally arrived.  There is a community cheering you on and supporting your crossing.  You know that this will not be your last crossroad but you know you will not get to any others unless you keep moving forward.   

The bridge may look unsteady, but it will hold you.  Trust, believe, and know that is the time to cross over.  Now is the time to claim your one wild and precious life.  Now is the time for you to show yourself that you can do this.  

Go ahead, cross over that bridge and continue building a bold and beautiful life. 

beacon of light

When you do not know where to turn
Look for the light
The one that guides you
When everything else is dark
It lives and breathes deep in your heart
You are the one who knows where you need to go
Get quiet and listen
Trust your inner compass
Do not be swayed by others expectations of you
Trek down the path that your heart desires
Explore
Unearth
Take bold moves forward
You got this
You are your own beacon of light
Remember this always
Listen to your inner voice
Give yourself space to breath
Travel your own course
Be proud
Stand tall
Do not let others bring you down
One small step at a time
Just keep moving in the direction you desire
As you do this
Your light will shine brighter
Shine on, shine on

you don't have to do it all alone

When my mom was really sick I remember standing in line at the coffee shop in a complete daze.  The world was spinning around me and everyone was moving at a rapid pace; the same pace I used to move in before I heard the words stage four cancer.  On the outside it may have looked like I had it all together, but on the inside I was crumbling.  As people buzzed around me they had no idea that my life was changing forever.  

We move through life so quickly.  We live in our own little bubbles.  We feel sometimes that we are the only ones suffering, the only ones fighting to take that next step forward, the only ones with a wide open gash in our heart.  But the truth of the matter is we are not the only ones.  We all struggle, we all suffer, we all need to figure out how to take the next step.  

The best part about being human is that
we do not need go through our struggles alone.  
 

Writing was a huge part of helping me heal through my mom's death.  I filled many pages of my journal and also shared some of my writing publicly on my blog.  My words were raw and honest.  I consciously choose not to censor them.  It was through this vulnerability that I invited others in.  Individuals reached out with love, they shared their own stories, and provided a simple acknowledgment for what I was going through. 

It was through this sharing that I realized I wasn't alone.  
 

I had also created a private email list with a small group of family and friends that I would write to.  Having this outlet helped me process a lot of the feelings I was struggling with.  It was a safe space for me to spill open.  I wrote about my fears, my memories, my sadness, and my pain.  This small group of individuals held these words close and gave me space to heal in my own time.  

After my mom's death I began writing letters to her.  I have a special notebook dedicated to this.  I tell her about the latest things that are going on.  Give her the gossip and the inside scoop.  I share with her more in those letter than I ever had when she was here.  Writing these letters gives me an opportunity to continue to connect with her.  

Writing seems like such a simple thing, but putting words onto paper is cathartic and opens the gate to your heart.  The page gives you space to spill open and just be.  It never once judges what you put on it and that is an incredible gift.  You are the one who chooses if you share it or not.  You can rip it up, burn it, or let others read what you have wrote.  You are the keeper of your words.  

When you write you open up the gate to your heart and give yourself a little bit of breathing room.  You can spill about your past or dream about your future.  You decide where the pen is going to go.  

I have been writing ever since I was small.  It has been so long that I don't even know what life was like before I found the page.  I carry a notebook with me everywhere I go and spill the contents of my heart into it.  The pages aren't filled with pretty writing or the most eloquent of words but they are filled with my deepest desires, my worries and fears, list of places I want to visit, dreams I hope to one day accomplish, ramblings of things I didn't know I needed to work through, and moments of love and happiness.  

I don't know who I would be if I didn't have the opportunity to figure it out on the page.  Writing is an outlet for me that helps me untangle everything that get's twisted.  It is my saving grace when I feel off kilter and overwhelmed.  It provides me sanity, connection, and a chance to be compassionate with myself.  I know that writing has save my life time and time again.  

As an avid writer and a believer that words
can heal our hearts I want to work with you. 
 

It wasn't just during my mothers death that I turned to writing but every day before that and every day since.  I write through the daily stresses of showing up in life.  Through those feelings of not feeling good enough, doing enough, being enough. 

The page is a tool
helping me heal, grow, and expand. 

Through my years of writing I have learned how to dig in and get to the heart of the matter.  How to put the ego aside and allow the truth to spill open with compassion rather than criticism.  I have different prompts that I use when I don't know what to write and tools that help me show up again and again.  

I want to share all of this with YOU! 

I want to help you stand tall and unearth your light. 
 

I want you to know that you do not have to walk this journey alone.  We can do it together!  I am here to hold your hand and walk beside you.  We can do so much more when we do it together.  

I offer two separate One-on-One mentoring programs.

One is an opportunity to dip your toe in the water through daily writing prompts delivered to your inbox for one week. 

The prompts will be tailored just for you based on what you want to work on or through.  

If you want to dive in deeper we can work together for a month.  I will hold up the mirror for your so you can see how amazing you are as you work through different writing prompts, creative excursions, and secret missions.  

This program is created based upon what you want to work on.  

I know that writing heals.  Spilling your own words and reading the words of others can open you up in a way that you never expected.  It is a beautiful gift that we are able to easily give ourselves.  

I remember one time sitting in the library writing about one thing but as I kept writing my heart took over and the words spilled into another direction completely.  What began as complaints about my struggles at work ended up being a complete heart opening about a previous relationship I was in.  These feelings were tucked deep into my heart.  I didn't even realize that there was so much I had yet to work through.  But the page knew and gave me the space to work through it.  

Let's work through what is breathing inside your heart. 
 

Let's set free what you no longer need to carry around.  Let's give a voice to those dreams that want to come true.  Let's put your deepest desires into motion.  

It is time for you to claim your life.  Let's begin by taking it to the page and unearthing what you truly desire!  

It would be an honor and a privilege to work with you.  

Have a question?  Please feel free to reach out to me at jennifer@jenniferbelthoff.com.