because you must love yourself first

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And the day came when you had to look at yourself in the mirror and say:

I love you, all of you

Because as the old adage goes you must love yourself first.  

As I sat alone in my studio apartment admits the carnage of relationships past I knew I had yet to fully love myself.  In fact I didn't even know who this girl looking back at me in the mirror was.  I followed along with what others wanted to do.  I kept my opinions to myself.  I stayed quiet.  I chose being alone over going out.  

I was hesitant in my own footing.  Unsure of who I was and what moved me.  This was no way to live.  But when you are deep in it you don't know that.  I just keep putting one foot in front of the other, moving through life blindly.  

After he left everything changed.  The chains that were holding me down were no longer and I needed to figure out who I was and what I wanted to do.  When you are faced with nothing but yourself you learn a lot about who you are. 

I jumped in head first on a mission to get to know what ignited my spark.  I didn't know where I was going, or what I was doing.  All I knew was that it was time to save my own life.  

What transpired was LOVE! 

As I unearthed who I was I saw that I actually loved the person that was hidden underneath.  I had a voice to offer.  Opinions, inspiration, kindness.  There was so much that I didn't know was there and I knew it was going to be a long journey to find her.  I was in it for the long haul.  

I love who I am.  The writer, the dreamer, the hopeful spirit who is always seeking out the good in others.  I love bringing people in close and learning about who they are and what moves them.  I love the adventure of life.  You never know what the next turn will bring.  I love the opportunity to explore my own path and unearth my own way forward.  

Love is something that happens only when you are open enough to let it in.  When you spend the time to discover what is true, what is real, what is raw.  Love must be nourished and tended to. 

I now know how important self love is.  I must love the person looking back at me in the mirror.  I need to cherish her with my whole heart and be her biggest supporter.  No one will ever believe in me, unless I believe in myself.  

I stand here today sure of who I am.  I am ready to take on anything that comes my way.  I am not afraid of a challenge.  I know it takes work to make things happen.  Knowing who I am, I know what I am capable of.  

I stand here with a heart full of love.  For the person I am and the person I am destine to grow into.  

What is it you love most about YOU?  How do you shine brightly in this world?

knowing when to say YES!

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And the day came when you had to say yes
When you knew you weren't 100% ready,
but you also knew you never would be
You were as prepared as you could
And you were ready to take the leap

So you said YES!
Leaping into the unknown
Unsure of what it would bring
But feeling so strongly in your gut
that this is where you needed to be
You followed your heart and bravely stepped forward

There was no fanfare
There was no big celebration
It was a micro movement that shifted everything inside you
Saying yes opened up your heart
And let you start believing in yourself again

Others didn't notice the shift
It was going to take time
Mountains needed to be climbed
New terrain was going to be trekked over
You would fall down more times than you could count

Yet each time you got back up you were stronger
Standing taller, reaching further than you ever thought
You were navigating your own path
Carving out your own destiny
Finding your own way home

What you felt on the inside began to shine on the outside
You attracted like minded individuals to you
There they stood, cheering you on
Your open heart and brave soul inspired others
As you took the reigns and made your dreams come true

And now you can't imagine living on the sidelines
You are deep on the path, always looking for new adventures
You know the feat that comes with saying YES, and you still have it
but you also know the joy and brilliance that opens up when you do
So you take the risk

You are a beacon of light
You cast hope and inspiration out into this world
You know that you have to live out loud
And each day you prepare yourself to do just that
Your shining light helps others to shine

Keep bravely stepping forward
Keep taking the long way home and enjoying the view
Keep asking questions
and challenging what does not sit right with you
Keep connecting and learning from others
This is your one precious life, keep saying YES to it!

what story are you holding deep inside?

/

I am grateful for my journal.  For the way it holds my heart without any judgment.  Each time I sit down to write a new story spills onto the page.  A story that I have held close but have been afraid to share.  My journal is my sacred space to release into.  It gives me the freedom to tell the truth, the whole scary truth.  

I am often surprised by the stories I am carrying around with me.  I feel as if I have let them go but then they resurface and an entirely new layer is revealed.  For survival I patch my heart up, again and again.  Tending to the immediate bleeding but sometimes not taking time to tend to the deep wound that has developed.  

Often times these wounds surface in my dreams and I turn to my journal to work through them.  The other night I dreamt of my mom sitting on my couch after recently getting through her cancer treatments and telling me that the cancer has come back and it was looking bleak.  My heart broke as these words fell from her lips.  

When I awoke I was immediately transported back to the moment that Dustin and I were standing outside of her hospital room the day she was rushed there because she was struggling to breath.  The doctor was with her so we didn't want to barge in.  He saw us standing in the hall having no idea who we were and he closed the door.  

We waited and waited in that hallway unsure of what was going on, my heart un ready for what I was about to learn.  The cancer had spread to her lungs, her liver, and possibly her bones.  What?  How could this be possible?  We had just recently celebrated her being "cancer free".  

Grief is a long and slow healing process.  

One that I deal with each and every single day in some capacity.  I keep stepping forward because I know I have to, but my heart is heavy and more often than not the tears are on the verge of spilling.  

As Dustin and I walked out of the hospital that night I quietly clung onto his hand.  "At least it is stage four" he said to me.  As those words spilled from his lips I couldn't help but chuckle.  It was obvious he had no idea that stage four was the worst and he was just trying to comfort me.

It has been a little under two years since I lost my mom and the wound runs deep.  I still can't believe that she is gone and cling to every single story that we wrote together.  I heal a little bit each day, but do not think that I will ever be fully healed.  

It is our stories that make us who we are.  We can dwell in them or we can learn from them.  In some capacity we always carry them around with us.  What story are you holding deep inside?  What words are looking to be spilled out onto the page?

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National Send a Letter Day

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Tomorrow {January 17th} is National Send a Letter Day.  What better way to surprise someone than through a handwritten note that get's delivered in their mail box .... yes, there real mailbox.  When is the last time you sent or received a letter?  Does it feel like forever?  Let's change that right now.   Find a piece of paper, pick up your pen, and let's get writing.  Below are some thought starters to get you going. 

Send a letter to:

  • One {or both} of your parents.  Let them know what they taught you.  How much they mean to you.  What you admire most about them.  Get all gushy, they will totally eat it up.  And if you have lost a parent write it anyone.  Sometimes the best letters are the ones we don't send.  
  • Your love.  Yes, write a love letter and drop it in the mail.  They will be so surprised when it arrives at their door.
  • Someone you admire.  Let them know how much you admire them and why.  
  • Someone you need to forgive.  This is a hard one but can be so cathartic.  Let them know that you forgive them and and moving on.  
  • A dear friend.  Tell them your most favorite things about them.  Reminisce about your favorite moment together or how you met.  Let them know what you adore about them.  

Writing someone a letter only takes a small amount of time to do.  However that single piece of paper can change their day.  Go ahead.  I dare you.  Write more than one.  

Happy Letter Writing!

sit with me

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Come sit with me
Tell me what is right below the surface
Share your inner desires
What is moving you
What lights you up
Share your heart, your soul
Share all of you
I will hold your hand
Listen deeply to your stories
Never judge you
Just be right there for you
Tell me where you come from
And where you wish to go
Tell me anything and everything
Do not be afraid to laugh or to cry
I will catch your tears and hold your smile close
Together let's reminisce
Make plans for the future
And live right here in the moment
You aren't meant to do it all alone
So come site beside
Together we will be

snail mail love

/

Your words matter.  What you say, what you write, what you share ... it matters.  All of it.  I am a firm believer in this and have seen it's power in full affect through the Love Notes Postcard Project.  You do not need to personally know someone to touch there lives.  One single sentence arriving in their mailbox can change their day. 

And so we show up.  Spilling the contents of our hearts out onto the page.  We open up.  We take risks.  We share the deepest parts of our souls and we see that we aren't alone.  We all feel scared sometimes.  We all fall down and struggle to get back up.  We all worry and cry and hurt.  And we know that it is going to be ok because we aren't alone.  We are surrounded by love from those we know, those we don't, and surrounded by love from the universe.  

There are times the universe throws us into a tizzy and we can't tell up from down.  Yet not how hard we fall we still find hope in the universe.  We can trust the universe because it shows up for us time and time again.  It reveals it's smiling face, gives us stunning sunsets, and teaches us to seek out laughter.  The universe is a constantly surprises us with it's beauty and love.  There are times it may be hard to find but if we search hard enough and stay open to it's infinite possibility there it is, waiting there with open arms.   

So we continue to press on.  Sharing, loving, giving, being.

These words have been inspired by the first prompt from the Love Notes Postcard Project.  

I can trust the universe because .... 

There are so many incredible and inspiring individuals who are a part of this project.  They bring so much heart and soul to their words and they trust that if they send words out they will receive them back.  It is incredible dance of beauty and grace between strangers.  Curious who some of these amazing people are?  Come join me on the virtual dock and say hello to them.  Interested in the Love Notes Postcard Project?  Sign up for my mailing list to be the first to know when the April round sign up's are open.