one true voice

Through the noises in your head
And outside distractions
How do you find your voice?
Your one, true, authentic voice
The one that whispers when everything is quiet
The one telling you where to go
And what to do
How do yo listen to this one true voice
With constant noise
Telling you what to do
Where to go
How to feel
How do you work your way through this
Untangling the web to find what is beneath
You
Your authentic voice
Your authentic self
Your true north
Dig deep
Find this voice
Feel the power that it holds
This is your one true voice
Embrace it, love it, use it

just me

With the NYC Marathon behind me I have been feeling a bit lost.  My motivation to wake up at 4:30 and head out the door to run was driven by my training schedule.  In my mind I knew I had to follow it in order to be strong enough to cross the finish line.  So each day {well, almost each day} I followed what it said.  It felt good to be regimented, not have to think about what to do, and work hard towards my goal.  

But now with no schedule to follow and no big goal in sight it is hard to find that motivation to get out the door.  I have been moving my body due to Yoga Teacher Training but I have yet to lace up my sneakers and run.  My body feels tired, heavy, unsure of what it's next step is.  I keep searching for that next big goal, that one next thing to keep pushing me forward. 

But what if that next thing is just me, my life, how I want to feel?

What if it doesn't have to be a bright shiny object in the distance but simply putting myself first and doing it for me?  What if I showed up because I knew it made me feel good?  What if I made myself a priority?

My lofty goal is ME!  Making myself happy, choosing what feels good, putting myself first.  We must take care of ourselves in order take care of others.  We must be tender, kind, and do what makes us feel good.  It doesn't require following a schedule or sticking to a strict regiment.  What matters is following my heart and doing it just because I want to.

And so that is what I am doing.  Listening in. Moving my body.  Holding myself accountable.  Following my heart.  And putting one foot in front of the other.  What matters is that I show up, and that is exactly what I will do, for me.  

begin again

You can begin again
Right here
Right now
You do not need to wait for permission
The house doesn't need to be clean
The laundry doesn't need to be washed
You can start right now
In this very moment
You can choose to show up exactly how you want
You can let go of old habits
And pick up new ways of doing things
You do not need anyone to tell you how
Follow your own intuition
Do what what feels right and good for you
This is your one wild and precious life
You get to choose how you are going to live it
What happened in the past does not determine your future
Start now
Start right here
Forget about what was
Lean deep into your heart
And begin again

follow your path

As the darkness falls earlier and earlier with the changing of the time my body has shifted into hibernation mode wanting to curl into bed as soon as I arrive home from work.  The darkness feels as if it is engulfing my soul and dimming it's light.  The light that was burning bright and powerful in the warm summer sunshine.  

I know it is not only the darkness that has engulfed me.  Accomplishing a major goal {running the NYC Marathon} and finding myself on the other side of daily training has left me feeling a bit lost and unsure.  I was highly regimented.  Waking up before the sun rose to get my runs in, pushing myself to stick to my schedule.  But now there is no schedule.  Nothing telling me what to do and my feet feel unsteady.  What is my next move?  Where do I go from here?  

There are other goals to be met, dreams to be fulfilled.  I can't allow the darkness to bring me down.   As I did for training, I must keep putting one foot in front of the other and follow my path.  I must be open to where it leads me and trust that I am headed in the right direction. 

"but with out the darkness we never see the stars" ~ unknown

Yes, the darkness can be tough but it opens up opportunities for us to see things that can only be seen under the cloak of darkness.  There is beauty in the dark.  Quiet solace.  A place for deep thinking.  Passion.  Energy.  An unknown path before you ready to be explored.  

I invite you to embrace the darkness with me.  To find your footing on your path and brave the blues that tend to surface this time of year.  For the past couple of years I have turned to #bravingtheblues and find ways to get myself motivated and moving during this time when I usually struggle.  It is always more fun to do things together so together let's walk down the path and find the goodness that is hidden in the dark and let's boldly brave the blues.  

runbelthoffrun

It was the second best day of my life {the first was when I ran the NYC Marathon for the first time}.  A day I will remember forever. There are many stories, many memories, but for now this:

• My friend finding me before the start. Seeing him calmed my nerves and got me energized to step up to the starting line.  
• The electrifying cheers from the crowd.  When anyone said my name it made my day and energized me to keep on going.  I tried finding who said my name in the crowd and was so excited when I did.  It felt as if they showed up just for me, which was an amazing connection between two strangers.  
• Seeing two feathers in the distance and knowing that my family and friends had made it.  And not only had they made it ... there was more of them than I expected.  I was elated. Seeing them filled me up in a way that cannot even describe.  And even though I wasn't able to see them at mile 26 thinking that I was going to helped get me through.  I am so grateful for the craziness they put up with to cheer me on.  
• Spotting "the guy with the tray" who was just in front of me in 2014.  I couldn't believe I saw him!  
• The incredible highs and intense lows.  There were moments when I just wanted to give up and throw in the towel ... but I kept going because pain is temporary.  I ran through it and kept on going.  One foot in front of the other.  
• Seeing my friends wife and having her reach out and touch my arm. It was just the touch I needed to keep on going.  It is amazing what human touch and connection can do.  
•  Entering Central Park and feeling the energy of the crowd.  I was depleted and struggling ... but they took me through.  It was amazing!! 
• High fiving a little kid in front of Memorial Sloan Kettering Hospital.  He was a patient at the hospital who had come out to cheer on the runners.  He and so many others is why I showed up to run.  Because I imagine a world without cancer and will do anything I can to make that happen.  
• Seeing my aunts friend on the side of the road cheering all the runners on. She said my name and I saw here .... and didn't expect to see her which was beyond exciting. 
• When the stranger yelled "I see you"  Because really that is all we want in life ... to be seen.  It was her words that kept me going.  One foot in front of the other.  
• My father thanking everyone for showing up as we gathered after the marathon to celebrate.
• Seeing my sister in laws and brother there cheering me on. It meant the world to me that they were there.  
• The roar of the crowd as I came to the end of the Queensboro Bridge. When I ran in 2014 I thought the bridge would never end. This year it wasn't so bad which made me smile.  

I could go on and on.  For the day was amazing.  Beautiful weather, incredible cheering, amazing moments.  My heart is full.  I carry with me the light of my mom and I keep putting one foot in front of the other as I know she would want me to do.  I ran in her memory and felt her with each step cheering me on.  For it is running that has helped me heal.  And it is running that has made me stronger.  I am grateful!  

This Is It

This is it
The moment you have been waiting for
You have worked so hard to get here
Spent a countless number of hours on this one thing
Early morning wake up's
Pushing through past your edge
Tears of joy
Tear of sadness
Brief moments of connection with strangers
New friends made
New roads traveled
All of it has lead you to here
To this moment
None of it would be possible had you not chosen to say yes
Stayed dedicated
Kept showing up
Putting one foot in front of the other
But here you are now
On the verge of an epic journey
Remember to enjoy the ride
Lean deeply in knowing you are prepared
Feel the strength of your mind and body
Allow your soul to guide you
And the cheers from the crowd to carry you
This is it
This is what you have been waiting for
Embrace the unknown and roll with what comes
Take it in, all of it
This is your moment
Live it