almost home

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I feel as if this space has been deeply neglected since I have been standing knee deep in half packed boxes, car loads of my most prized possessions, heavy lifting of furniture, and slips on the ice as I move from one space to the next.  So much has been done, yet there is still so much to do.  A refrigerator filled with food, sacred alters tucked in my closet that need to be boxed up, an office space half gone, and a basement that needs some attention.  There is also the grill and fire pit covered underneath a deep blanket of snow that will need to be dug out.  It feels like it will never end.  

But between the chaos there is beauty.  The most stunning icicles hanging from windows catching my eye, making me wish my camera was close by and not tucked away in a box.  The feel of the soft bed beneath my tired body as we sleep our very first sleep in our new space.  Things finding a place in our new home, and both of us loving the vibe that this space holds.  

I am looking forward to crossing home.  To getting the chance to finally settle in and enjoy our tiny love nest.  It is cozy, and bright and I just know we are going to have a good year here.  I can feel it in my heart and soul, and that makes me smile wide.  

Then we get to do this moving thing all over again....ugh....at least then it will be into our home.  

What has been going on in your world these days?  Tell me something bright and shining.    

this thing called love

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love....
I have been obsessed with it lately, especially after seeing the play Once
love....
It has been on my brain, and haunting me in my dreams
love.....
It is such a peculiar thing

What makes us love another?
How do we instantly know someone is something different?
What happens with love that we end up losing it?

I remember when I was single.  I went to the bookstore to meet a friend and saw a guy reading in the magazine section.  Instantly I was attracted to him.  There were many people in the bookstore that day, but for some reason he caught my attention.  Before we even spoke a word to one another I couldn't get him out of my mind.  I kept passing by to see if he was still there and we consistently made eye contact and smiled at one another.  I wanted to talk to him.  I wanted to get to know him.

What was it about him that I was instantly attracted to?  
Why with so many other people in the bookstore did my senses hone in on him?

Before Dustin and I met in person we had been chatting over the phone.  I had only seen photos of him, but wasn't exactly sure what he looked like.  As soon as he walked through the doors of the restaurant, without even knowing if it was him or not, I said to myself "If that is him, this is going to be so good."  It was just a feeling that my heart and mind had.  

What caused this instantaneous knowing?

Love is a feeling
It jolts you out of the ordinary and into a dream like state
It can make you feel so good, and so bad all within seconds of each other

Love is strong
It endures, yet it also falls apart
It is filled with a mixture of feelings

This thing called love gets the wheels in my mind wondering
It leaves me with more questions than answers
Yet it always has me trusting it, and falling deeply into it

Love makes the world go round
Love moves mountains and makes us do things we never dreamed of
Love is magical

This thing called love is the beginning of a conversation that I am diving into
Examining it, dreaming with it
And learning the dance that it endures

your heart beats on

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Your heart is strong
It knows how to push on, get by, and get through
Your heart is so much tougher than you give it credit for
It can survive the deepest heartache and soak in incredible elation
Your heart loves laughter, joy, and deep emotion
It longs to connect, to be seen, to be tended to
Your heart is always whispering to you
Letting you know you are ok
Reassuring your mind with each decision you make
Your heart knows
It beats without question
It is there every step of the way
Even when it is struggling through deep pain and sorrow your heart beats on
It provides the rhythm for you to take your next step forward
It will catch you when you fall and help you stand back up
You heart never forgets how to love, but sometimes it is afraid to put itself on the line
Yet time after time it does, even in the face of fear
Lessons are learned, memories are made, and your heart grows stronger and stronger
Listen to it's inner whispers
Don't fear the pain that may come
Know that no matter what your heart will beat on
It may shatter, but it always comes back together again 
And it always knows how to love

transition

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It was the middle of the night and our memories came crashing down, falling from the wall.  It startled both of us.  Awakening me from a deep dream state into the harsh reality of a future in flux.  I know we will only be in the space for a small moment of time, but my mind has not yet wrapped around the transition of what is to come.  There will be a new place to call home for a temporary period as dreams get built.  How does one settle in to a fleeting space?  What roots can be laid down upon knowing a years time they will be uprooted again.    

My home is my safe haven.  The place I go to dream up big ideas.  The place where I am most  comfortable being myself.  I laugh out loud.  Dance wildly.  Exercise with abandon and freely be me.  It is my comfort zone and my launching pad.  Ideas are birthed between the four walls.  Love is expanded and hearts open wider and wider.  People are invited in.  Celebrations occur, and life gets sweeter and sweeter. 

This move has not yet been fully comprehended in my mind.  I am filled with excitement, disbelief, and total denial that it is really happening.  But the days on the calendar are inching closer and closer to our goodbye.  There is no possible extension, or undoing of the choice we have made.  It is our path, and we are creating it. 

We will learn to live in transition.  Boxes may be half unpacked, but our hearts will still be open wide.  Between the walls of our temporary shelter we will continue to breathe life into new ideas.  We will push our dreams closer and closer to coming true, and we will live.  Even though we are building a future we know that we must be in the moment.  For tomorrow may not come, and I want to say I was here for today.