Mindy

There are some people that come into your life

And upon meeting them you are never, ever the same

Mindy is one of those individuals for me

When I traveled to the Oregon Coast in 2009 I had no idea that the course of my life was going to be altered forever.  The way I viewed myself would be shattered.  And slowly over time I would be able to pick up the pieces, examine them, and for the first time see clearly who I really was.  The lack of confidence that I traveled with to Oregon would be tossed into the ocean and swept out to sea.  Boarding the plane back to NJ I was taking with me tools that I needed to forge ahead on my journey.

The journey of finding yourself is not an easy one to undertake or figure out.  There is no right or wrong way to do it.  It is just about showing up and living each day.  I struggled through some dark nights as tears poured from my eyes.  My inner demons shouting that I was not good enough, did not deserve happiness, and had nothing to offer this world.  There were moments that were incredibly tough.

But the beautiful part about life is that you do not have to ever travel alone.  As human beings we need each other and feed off of one another.  It is tough to show up and say: "I do not have the answers" ~ "I am hurting inside and am unsure why" ~ "I do not know what to do"  It is really difficult to shed our tough exterior and show the world our vulnerable pieces.  To admit our past mistakes and let them go.  Understanding that our past does not define our future.

When we do this.  When we we forgive ourselves, show up and just be who we are, exactly as we are ~ we are enough.  Magical things happen.  You meet people you never thought you would meet.  Experience a whole world of things you dreamed about.  And you get submerged into the life you are meant to be living.

Mindy opened me up.  Encouraged me along with each shaky step that I took.  She never let me believe those demons that tried to force their own opinion on me.  She gently shed light on the gift that I have inside of me and encourages me to share it with the world. If my path had never crossed Mindy's I am unsure of where I would be standing today.

It is amazing what individuals can do for each other.  There are times we do not even realize we are touching another's life, but we are.  And it happens because we allow ourselves to be seen and we show up in the world.

I am so incredibly grateful to know Mindy.  To stand here and watch her spread her wings and fly.  She breathes so much goodness into the world and inspires so many individuals.  She is one of the kindness, most gentle, and caring individuals that I know ~ with an incredible accent.  Her paintings are stunning and her heat filled with love and compassion.  I honor her courage to keep stepping forward on her journey.

I hope you have a minute to stop by and view her space at

Timsally

.  I just know you will adore her just as much as I do.  I have to warn you though, one minute of listening to her speak and you will want her to continue talking all night.

This is what a keeps me moving forward in life.  Incredible connections that transpire between individuals. Opening people up.  Feeling comfortable to shed the hard exterior and appreciate the "neat" things in life.

protective heart

I place things into my heart

Nurturing and cultivating with tenderness

Opening up to new possibilities

And experiencing different adventures

I am willing to put myself out there

Submerge my whole heart into it

Take chances

I try not to hold back or to hold on

Giving people and things space to be

Just as they are

But when it comes to speaking about matters of the heart

Face to face

I struggle

My mind goes blank and words just flow out of me

I am not even sure of what I am saying

It feels like an out of body experience

Just like when I speak in front of a large group

When the moment is over and I have a chance to breathe

I wonder why my mind took over like that

Was it trying to protect my heart from being hurt

It seems to go into this defensive mode

Feelings I wanted to express never come out

Things I wanted to share stay tucked away inside my heart

In the aftermath I struggle

Wondering why I can be so open to take the chance in the first place

But then hold back in saying what I really wanted in the moment

It is something I know I need to continue working on

With each experience being conscious of this habit

Slowly peeling back the protective shell

To reveal the tender open heart within

"trues"

An inner dialogue is always running through my head

At times the words spoken are not kind

Carrying daggers

They stab me in the heart

Making me feel like I am not good enough

It is my own voice that is speaking

Why is it so hard on me?

Words flow from my heart for others

Lifting them up

Holding them gently

Carrying them through the storm

But when I look in the mirror

And speak to myself

The words are not kind at all

It is in these moments

That I am so grateful for my "trues"

The individuals in my life who see me for exactly who I am

And reflect it back to me when those dark voices start to speak

They usher in

And fight off my inner daemons

I do not even have to ask for there help

They just know

And like angels they appear

I am so incredibly blessed

To have these beautiful souls in my life

Holding up a mirror to me

And gently opening up my eyes

When I am unable to see

living through the feelings

Since returning

The connection between my mind and my pen has been a struggle

I have tried lining words up to form a sentence

Express my feelings

Release what is swirling around inside of me

But nothing is coming out

I am in a period of transition

Of letting go

and opening myself up to the world around me

Not holding anything to tightly

But allowing things to come in and go out

It is not an easy path to travel down

Being such a deep feeler

It can be difficult to give freedom to all of these emotions

Allowing them to just be what they are

Without holding on

I am bravely stepping forward

Through the darkness

And the questions

Digging deeper into the strength that is within me

Revealing pieces of my heart with each step

I know I must live boldly

Without fear

Planning my next adventure

And standing tall in the uncomfortableness of life

Reaching, stretching, growing

L.O.V.E

Can you feel it swirling around

It is deep within you

Flowing out of you

Hugging you gently

And bringing a smile to your face

Love

It is every where

In the friendly hello from lady who works at the library

The kind smile from the gentleman filling up your gas tank

The conversation between you and your customers at work

Love

Wrapping its arms around you

Lifting you up so you feel like you are soaring

Making you laugh

And opening you up to fully appreciating life

Love

You can see it in everything

Feel it in each encounter you have

Leaving a mark on your heart

As you venture through each day

Love

Arriving in the palm of your hand

Felt through friendships where you are deeply seen

Memories being created with family

Helping you to keep moving forward

Love

A feeling so deep

Bringing so much joy

Support and strength

Always circling around you

Love, do you feel it?

brought back home

It is a place I love going to

Spending hours upon hours

Writing, reading, soaking in the goodness of just being there

But now every time I walk through the doors

The feeling is not the same

Sadness fills me up inside

As I feel your presence within these walls

I know you are not there

But still I feel you, so strongly

Today when I went inside

I had to leave quickly

The feeling of you being there was so powerful

It is a funny thing that can happen with a place

Holding onto your hopes

When you are trying to let them go

Exposing feelings

That you are trying to forget

And resurfacing memories

That you are trying to leave behind

Today I as flooded with those thoughts

Brought back to your smile

The day we met

The words you said

The moments we shared together

It made my heart sad

To look back

And feel it all again