Letting go

I show up here

With pen in hand

Ready to let go

Let go of feeling like it is my fault

Let go of thinking I have any control

Let go of the anger about how it all unfolded

Let go of the the way things are now

Let go of the whole ordeal

You are not the person I knew

I thought I was going to be the one to struggle

With the end of us and the beginning of something new

But it is not me who is struggling

I am stronger than I thought

I am secure in who I am

I am standing on solid ground

And I never even realized it until now

Yes this does have something to do with me

But only with a title I was given for a brief moment in time

It is nothing personal

I have memories of who you were

Today I only recognize that person for brief moments in time

Every other moment you are a stranger

So I am letting go

I was and always will be respectful

I handled those moments in time

With grace and dignity

It is not about me

It never has been

And it never will be

I just let go

sleep

Dear Nighttime,

Can you please be so kind and let me sleep. My body and mind need the rest. I would like to sleep through the night without waking up. I cannot keep running around like this during the day without some rest at night.

Please dear nighttime help me out. I would love to dream sweet dreams and wake up feeling rested and refreshed.

Thank you nighttime for taking this into consideration.

Love,

Jennifer

Ready

My days have been hectic

My mind running in every direction

Coming to dead ends

Not sure where to turn

Spinning in circles

Feeling hopeless, lost and sad

Emotions swirled around inside of me

I could not seem to calm them

Or hold them long enough to examine them

The other night

As I curled under my covers

Just about to lie down

I felt something

It was a blue glow

Right there in front of me

It felt so real I could see it with my eyes

A feeling of comfort washed over me

A smile came to my face

I felt calm and at peace

The light whispered to me

"You are ready now, you are ready now"

I am not exactly sure what it was

Or maybe I was dreaming

But since that night I feel calm

Relaxed into myself

An inner peace is holding me gently

Each time I close my eyes

The light is there

Reminding me that

I am ready

Darkness

Self portrait session to let the light in

I have been quiet here for awhile

Hiding deeply within myself

Not coming out much to play

Darkness was swirling inside me

My inner demons were fighting

I was struggling to float to the top

I am still swimming my way up

Reaching for the clouds

Pointing my head towards the sun

But I am now wearing a smile

Replacing those tears that were falling

With the sound of my own laughter

This dark place is not an easy one to be in

Especially when you are not sure why you are there

Or how you even got there

It is a battle between yourself

And most of the time the darkness is winning

Fighting strongly against the light

I must continue to remind myself

This to will pass

And I will come out on top

I can fight this

I can win

I will feel whole again

Flight

Why is it so hard sometimes

To spread your wings and fly

Even when we know that is the only thing that will save us

Why do we struggle?

Why do we fight it?

Why do we shy away from it?

The wonderful thing about flying

Is that your friends are always right there beside you

They help you along

And lift you up, right when you need it most

But when we are in the dark

Frightened

We forget this

Why?

Take flight

Spread your wings

Feel the air beneath you

And soar!

In this moment

To be honest with ourselves is hard work and it requires us to be brave. We will not always like what we see. But we cannot accept it, let it go, and move on unless we recognize what it is. To recognize something may be easy. The hard part comes when we must forgive ourselves, let go, and move on.

Today I must forgive myself for the way I acted. Because of my lack of belief in myself I said things that I did not mean and acted in a way that was not true to my souls genuine way of being. I must begin to believe in myself. Understand and grasp my self worth. I must realize that what did unfold was a great blessing to me because it is an incredible learning experience.

I became rattled and shaken up. Things were stirred up that I did not realize were there. And that is good to see, to recognize, learn from, let go of, and move on. Stronger, braver, wiser.

The universe knows that I am in a stage of vulnerability. It has been pushing people towards me that I need right now. People that know me, see me, and are pushing me to see myself. What a gift that is. I am so extremely lucky in this life.