trying to remember

/

She does not remember affection. Sure, she was loved. But she wishes that she could remember the hugs. The words 'I love you' being said. The smiles on their faces when she accomplished something. She knows the moments happened. But she cannot remember them.

She remembers getting in trouble for the chocolate milk spilled on the walls in the living room. To this day she still cannot figure out how it got there.

She remembers getting getting in trouble and having to go to her room. She sat right against the door and cried.

She remembers sitting in the living room alone watching television when her mom found out that her friend died. The sound her mom made that day is still with her. At times when her mom laughs it sounds just like that moment and she is

immediately

taken back.

She wonders why it is so easy to remember these things yet her mind has seemed to be wiped clean of hearing the words 'I love you' and getting hugged. She wants to remember these moments. She closes her eyes and tries so hard to remember. But she struggles to find these memories in her mind.

She knows they are there. But she cannot remember.

She learned

/

She learned that her stubbornness can be a virtue but there are times and certain things that she must let go of. For her own sake, she must release the feelings evoked because of other people’s actions.

She learned that doing this would not be easy. She has to accept the person for who they are. Even if she does not agree. Even if there are parts of them that are dark and hurt her at times.

She learned that she should never, ever feel guilty about any of this. Because they are their choices, their decisions, and they have nothing to do with her.

She learned that she could not change their minds. She can only open up the door for them, show them what else is out there, and hope that by doing so they step through the door and enter a whole new world of possibilities.

She learned that life is not always easy. But what is great is that life is always something. That means that life keeps on going. And that is beautiful.

Conversation

/

It is not always easy to say the words

To open up

To express how you feel

Happiness and sadness

Two very opposite feelings

Yet both equally important for our soul

We must take the steps

to have open conversations

Communicating with one another

is a healing power

that cannot be measured

Breaking hearts mend

Souls strengthen

Smiles form

Conversations remind us we are not alone

They allow us to drain the hurt inside of us

And they bring us together

Open yourself up to the healing that occurs

when conversations are taking place

Allow yourself to be

vulnerable

It is in these moments of

vulnerability

that 'you' will be seen

Nothing is more powerful than being seen

angel

/

As tears soaked my cheeks

You stopped to wipe them away

You gave me a friendly smile

And an understanding look

I did not even have to say a word

for you to know I needed you

You sat with me and listened

You never judged me

You saw me

For who I was

In that moment

And what I was feeling

Right then, right there

You held my hand

You held my heart

You helped to heal me

You are my angel

My light in the darkness