NYC marathon doubt

On my past few runs I have ventured off without my watch.  I would love to say that I choose to do it to see if I could trust my intuition, but in reality the battery was dead and I did not have the time to wait for it to charge.  So off I went.  

I do not look at my watch that often when I run, but I enjoy checking in with it to see where I am.  Sometimes it is frustrating because I feel great and the watch says I am running slower than I think.  Other times it is the flip side and I am feeling terrible and the watch says I am doing awesome.  I find it comforting on my long runs because it keeps me in check in the beginning and not running off to fast when I am in it for the long haul.  

As the marathon inches closer I am doubting the technology that I have been using.  Has it been telling me the correct miles?  Has it been measuring my pace accurately?  Am I really ready to take on this enormous adventure?    

Excitement is filling me up yet at the same time bits of self doubt are creeping in.  26.2 miles!  A feat I have never attempted before.  Hours and hours of training have gone into this, but will that be enough?  

I need to step back and realize that I have done all that I can.  I have shown up time and time again, even on days when I didn't want to.  I am ready.  I have prepared.  I will make it.  

Sometimes it can be hard for us to believe in ourselves.  We let those self doubt demons fill our head with their chatter.  But I know that as I step up to the starting line that I have given it all I got.  And as I pass my family and friends; hearing there cheers and seeing there smiles I will be infused with encouragement and gratitude to keep on going. 

One foot in front of the other.  Step by step I will get there.  Just as I have gotten here today.  I will make it across that finish line.  

mighty meditation

A couple of months ago I rolled up my yoga mat, put on my workout clothes, and drove to the gym to give a Yin Yoga class a try.  I had no idea what Yin Yoga was  and I was extremely nervous.  This was the first class I was taking at my new gym.  

:: Do I bring my yoga mat?  I saw they had mats when they gave us a tour, but what if you have to rent those?  Should I bring money?  How many people do you think will be in the class?  Will I look like a fool because I have no idea what I am doing?  ::

Those were just a few of the thoughts that were swirling through my head as I drove to class.  I gave myself plenty of time so I didn't have to rush.  As I sat in the car in the parking lot nerves were fluttering through my body.  I knew that I had three choices.  

1. Drive away and pretend this didn't happen.  I didn't really need to take the class.
2. Distract myself with my phone until it was time to go in.  
3. Use these few minutes to sit with the feelings and be fully present to what was coming up.  

I choose option three.  I turned off the music in my car and set my phone aside.  I allowed myself to be fully present with my fear.  It is perfectly normal to feel fear when we are doing something new.  What is the worst thing that could happen I thought.  I look like a fool?  I bring my yoga mat and I didn't have to?  The world wasn't going to end.  There was not going to be any tragedy.  No matter what happened it was going to all be ok.  

Giving myself those moments to sit quietly helped me soothe my worries.  As I walked into the gym I felt confidant and sure of myself.  As the women at the front desk scanned my card and said "enjoy your yoga class" I knew I made the right choice to stay.  

The Yin Yoga class began with 20 minutes of meditation.  I had never done meditation before and it wasn't easy to sit that long.  Thank goodness she did not tell us when we started how long we were going to be meditating.  If I had known I would have turned around and choose option 1 {leave the premises, I didn't really need to take this class anyway}.

After class my mind felt free, awake, rejuvenated.  I was happy that I walked through those doors and took that class.  I had never meditated before and now I was hooked.  There was something so serene about sitting still.  I had an inner peace about me that I did not have when I walked into class. 

I have gone back to that Monday class every chance I get.  I have also said to myself time and time again that I wanted to begin a meditation practice at home.  Finally last week I began.  I didn't plan to begin but I noticed that I had some time before I had to leave from work.  I remembered the meditation app Headspace that I downloaded weeks ago and never gave a try.  That day was as good a day as any to begin, and so I did.  

Dressed for work I grabbed a pillow from the couch, sat on it on the floor and began.  The 10 mins of meditation flew by and I felt AMAZING walking out the door. That was it, I was hooked.  Morning meditation before work needed to become a daily practice in my life. 

The next morning I stayed in my pi's, turned on the twinkle lights, lit a candle with intention, and drew a card from my inner alchemy deck. Ten minutes of meditation was the perfect way to begin.  It set the tone for the entire day.  

Here I am almost one full week into my morning meditation practice.  I have began documenting it on Instagram with the hashtag #mightymeditation to help keep myself accountable.  Doing morning meditation makes me feel mighty and ready to take on the day.  It opens up my heart and my mind and clears space for the new goodness that the day will bring.  

I encourage you to give meditation a try.  If you have never done it before sit quietly with your eyes closed for just five minutes.  Let go of any expectations you have and just sit still.  There is so much that we can learn from stillness.  

“Meditation is the tongue of the soul and the language of our spirit.”

— Jeremy Taylor

stepping into fall

Standing here 
Legs tired
The air much warmer than when I set out
Struggling to take another step forward
Amazed at making it this far

The fall days are setting in
Running is different 
Darkness sets in sooner
A cool chill fills the air
Layers are required, and sometimes a flashlight

Transitioning over to this hasn't been welcoming on my body
Resistant to the change
Wishing the warm summer air would stay a bit longer
Running more cautiously 
Keeping fingers crossed an injury does not occur

How do you walk gently into the changing of the seasons?
Do you welcome them home with open arms
Or are you fighting with them
Denying the fact that the change comes
No matter what you say

I mixed between battle mode, and loving the colors
The bright oranges, reds, and yellows fill me with hope
And infuse inspiration into my soul
They rustle as I run past cheering me on 
Pushing me closer to home

With each ending there is a new beginning
As the seasons change a new flux of energy flows
In and out, in and out
We are never the same
And yet we go through familiar feelings again and again

filled with gratitude

This weekend my heart has been filled up with gratitude and amazement.  I hosted a fundraiser for the team I am running the NYC Marathon with -- Fred's Team for Sloan Kettering Memorial Hospital.  Without the help and support of my friends and family this event would not have been possible.  My Father and Brother planned the games.  My Mom and Aunt prepared the food.  My other Brother manned the grill.  Other aunts and my cousin brought food.  And Another Aunt opened the doors to her house and let us use her backyard for the games.  Friends and family showed up and we had a fantastic game day!  

It takes a community to do great things
It takes asking for help, and accepting the help that others want to give
It takes reaching out, putting it out there, and showing up

We are not meant to travel alone.  Friends and family are always there to lend a hand.  Cheer you on.  And support you in whatever it is you choose to do.  It is a blessing.  This weekend I experienced so much love and support first hand.  My heart is overflowing with gratitude!  

The day following the fundraiser I woke up ready to run 20 miles.  It was the first time I was attempting this distance and I was filled with so much gratitude to carry me through.  As I placed one foot in front of the other I though of all the people who have donated to me.  I pictured my family and friends cheering me on the day of the marathon.  Tears filled my eyes and gratitude poured from my heart.  I became lost in my thoughts and the miles passed by.  

20 miles!  When I first started running I could barely run 3 miles and here I was attempting 20.....and I did it.  I finished 20 miles in 3 hours and 20 mins and I was elated.  It is amazing what one can do when they put there mind to it and show up day after day after day.  I have been showing up.  Doing the hard work.  And today it all paid off.  I finished 20 miles.  

I am so proud of myself and so grateful for my family and friends. Life is short and precious.  Being surrounded by such an amazing group of individuals makes it that much sweeter.  

Thank you, thank you, thank you, to everyone who has cheered, donated, sent good thoughts, and has helped me out along the way as I venture towards 26.2.  Without everyone I would never make it across that finish line.  It takes a community, yes it does!  

and the day came

And the day came when you knew you could no longer play it safe
You had to live out loud
Chase your dreams at full force
And just do it

And the day came when you knew standing still wasn't an option
You had to pick up your feet and run
Even if you didn't know how
You had to trust

And the day came when you said yes
Even when your shy self wanted to slowly slink away
You held your head high
And jumped right in

And the day came when the world opened its arms
It had always been waiting for you
And now it saw that you were ready
It scooped you in gentle and nudged you forward

And the day came when it was no longer a dream
But life, yes your life
You made it happen
You followed your heart

And the day came when you could finally see it
The long journey
The tears, the struggles, the laughter, the love
And the goodness...oh the goodness that now engulfed you

And the day came when you knew you could keep on going
Living this dream that is now your life
Open, free, beautiful
The one you created, yes you

i close my eyes

Sometimes when I run I close my eyes
Sure it may not be the safest way,
but it helps me get up a steep hill or take that next step forward

I close my eyes and picture myself running the NYC Marathon
Surrounded by tall buildings
People running beside me
The cheers from the crowd
The tears welling up as each step takes me closer to the finish line

I close my eyes and picture each person I am running for
Those who have lost their battle with cancer, or those who are still fighting
Friends, loved ones, strangers
Their stories play on repeat in my mind
Each step I take, I take for them

I close my eyes and picture those who are supporting me on this journey
Cheering me on
Standing tall beside me
Encouraging me
Getting me one step closer to raising $3000 for the Sloan Memorial Hospital

I close my eyes and picture my friends and family
I can see them cheering 
I hear their clapping
It all feels so real
It is this vision that pushes me forward

I close my eyes and I continue on
Knowing that I am supported
Knowing that I am supporting others
Knowing that each dollar raised is important
As I get one step closer so does that day when we will be a world without cancer

This is why I have chosen to run the NYC Marathon with Fred's Team
To do what I can to help 
To raise awareness and funds
To support those who are fighting
And to get one step closer to finding a cure

If you are drawn to supporting me on this journey you can find my donation page HERE.  Each dollar makes a difference and no donation is to small.  When we join together we make big things happen.  Let's do this together!