choosing me

And the time came when you knew that you had to drop all of the balls you were juggling and you had to start taking care of yourself. Because no one else was going to do it for you.  Because now is as good a time as any to start.  Because even when you don't know where or how to begin you simply put one foot in front of the other and take that first step forward.  

It is time for me to show up for myself.  I have been making to many choices that don't feed my soul.  The cold winter months have left me stagnant and I haven't been moving my body as much as it craves and desires.  I know that I need to take time for myself.  I need to choose with intention and develop a new way of living.  

And so I begin.  One foot in front of the other.  Making conscious decisions and choosing with my whole heart.  I have Tone It Up to thank for the push that I needed to get myself into the game.  Their Bikini Series plan came right when I was struggling the most and wasn't sure how to crawl myself out of the rabbit hole.  

But here I am climbing out.  Taking time to shop for healthy foods.  Prepping them ahead of time so I have something to take for lunch and no excuses for not making dinner.  I am back to waking up early and moving my body.  It feels so good to be in motion again.  I am also drinking more water, journling more often, and remembering why I am choosing to live this way.

It's about feeling strong and having more energy.  Looking at myself in the mirror and being able to smile at the girl looking back at me.  It's about pushing myself to my edge and knowing that I can overcome the challenge.  It's about showing up day after day.  Seeing food as fuel and intentionally eating.  It's about setting goals and chasing after them.  It's about life and wanting to take care of this one body that I have.  

This isn't a sprint.  It is a life long journey. For me this journey is about balance and not completely restricting myself from the things I enjoy.  Will I still eat ice cream?  Of course, but not every day.  And will I slip up?  Of course.  I am human.  But that doesn't mean I can't get back up again and keep going on the path I am traveling.  

So here I am.  Choosing to move in the direction that I want to go in.  Taking my life into my hands and making the decisions that are best for me.  I am putting myself first and choosing to love myself on this journey.  I am giving myself space to bloom.  And I am showing up each and every day, for me.  

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How about you?  How are you choosing to show up for yourself?  What ways are you making space for yourself to bloom?

"and the world spins madly on"

My friend recently lost her mom.  Upon hearing the news my heart was filled with so much love for her.  I could relate to that strange feeling where you knew your life was changed forever, yet you couldn't grasp that it was actually true.  

I remember standing in the coffee shop days after learning the severity of my own mom's diagnosis of stage 4 cancer.  The world was spinning madly on and I couldn't understand how that was possible.  Life as I knew it was crumbling around me and yet there were people going about their day to day activity.  Didn't they know that I was on the verge of being changed forever?  Couldn't they see the sadness in my eyes?  Did they not feel the hurt spilling from my heart?  They rushed passed me, not even noticing that I was there.  

When you are in this deep phase of sadness every day task's take an incredible amount of effort to complete.  Before you would wake up and brush your teeth as if you were on autopilot.  But within the grief you need to literally push yourself out of bed and force yourself to do something so ordinary.  It is as if everything has slowed down and you are living in a thick cloud of fog.  

I stood in the coffee shop this morning.  Consciously choosing to tuck my phone into my pocket and look around.   I know nothing of the lives of the individuals sharing this space with me.  I don't know what they did right before they arrived here or where they were going after.  For someone their life could be changing and I would become that person rushing past them.  

We never know what someone else is going through.  We do not know if they just had the best moment of their life or if they are struggling to complete an ordinary task like ordering a cup of coffee.  This realization is a reminder to always treat people with kindness.  Have patience with strangers, and be willing to cut people some slack and give them the benefit of the doubt.  

That person driving erratically past you; maybe they are on the way to the hospital for that last moment with their loved one.  Sure it looks and feels like and ordinary day for you but for them their is nothing ordinary about it.  

Together let's remember to open our hearts a little bit wider and choose kindness.  Smile at strangers, hold the door open, say please and thank you.  It is these simple gestures that bring peace and calm to those who are in the haze, and it also brings more love to our world. This world could use all the love that people are willing to give it.  Let's fill it with hearts!

:: A little musical inspiration which inspired the title of this post ::

you need to find the love within you first

And the day came when you knew that love was there,
you just had to be strong enough to look for it
and brave enough to let it in
Because in fact it was around you always
you just weren't ready to see it
You had your blinders on
Your heart was closed, your soul was heavy
You thought the world was out to get you
and you lead with an iron fist
But somewhere along the way you began to soften
Speaking kind words of gratitude and compassion to yourself
The sun began to sparkle
The blue sky radiated
You had a little bit of a pep in your step
and although you didn't know why
you knew you couldn't continue to travel the way you used to
You had to put down your baggage
You had to begin a brand new kind of self talk
You had to dig deep inside and work to unearth your own confidence
No one was going to build you up, 
you needed to do that on your own
And so you did
Piece by piece
Moment by moment
You put yourself back together again
And when you looked in the mirror you actually loved who was looking back
It took work
Many tears
And lots of frustration
But you found your path
Your very own path
And you knew how to travel down it, because you were the one creating it
Your inner spark was lit
and a brand new love story was born
A story of kindness, hope, and deep self love
You unearthed the you that was there all along
The one hidden under the rubble
And you realized that life is so much more beautiful when you choose happiness
When you choose to be brave and stand up for what you believe in
When you choose YOU
And yes, it still takes work
And there are still struggles and tears
But you know it is worth it, so very worth it
Because love is all around
But you have to find it in yourself before you can see it anywhere else

taking care of you

The past few days I have been under the weather.  Stuffy nose, fever, sore throat, achy ears; you know the drill.  It happened a few days after coming back from vacation and I felt incredibly guilty about calling in sick to work.  I had just been off for an entire week only a few short days ago, how could I possibly tell them that I was going to stay home?  I knew my body needed to rest but my mind was pushing me hard to just show up.  

Just show I said to myself.  You need to be there.  You can't call out.  But here's the thing; I knew if I showed up I would be incredibly unproductive.  It's hard to stay focused and work, sitting at a desk all day when your body just isn't up for it.  There is only so much you can push until it will all come crumbling down, harder than you when it had started. 

I live in a fast paced world where things need to have been done yesterday, even though I only found out about them today. Constantly on the move. Striving to be better.  Pushing, pushing, pushing.  With all the pushing there are times my body pushes back and forces me to slow down.  But why was my body doing this to me shortly after returning from a week of relaxing?  Hadn't I spent my time slowly down.  Wasn't I recharged enough?  

It is hard to find time to take care of myself.  It always feels over indulgent and I always tend to feel guilty.  But why?  We need to take care of ourselves.  When we do that we are able to be our best selves for those around us.  It is like they say on an airplane; put on your own oxygen mask first.  If you don't do that you won't be able to help those around you.  

Even through the guilt I listened to my body and I stayed home.  I knew it was exactly what I needed and showing up just because I felt I had to wasn't a good enough reason to show up.  I wasn't missing anything important.  I could always take some extra time when I was feeling better to catch up.  The world wasn't going to crumble because I had to stay in bed.  And so I did just that.  I stayed in bed, I rested, and I choose to take care of myself.  

You must choose yourself.  Make the time, even if it means scheduling time just for you.  It is important to tend to your soul.  To be fully present with how you are feeling and follow your gut.  When you body says stay home, listen and take care of yourself.  

I know it is hard but your body will thank you.  You only have one body and once chance to get it right, so go ahead and make the best possible choices that you can.  

How do you take care of yourself?  What do you do to nurture your soul?

what if this was it?

What if this was it?
What if this was your one chance to take a leap into the great unknown
Open your heart
Live out loud
What if you were brave enough in this moment to take the risk you have always wanted to take
What would you do?
Where would you go?
What one thing would you make happen?
We are always waiting for the perfect moment, perfect opportunity, perfect chance
Yet that perfect time never arrives
You have to take advantage of the moments you have right now
Live with intention
Choose the path you want to go down
You have to take things into your own hands
The time is now
Yes, right now
Take a deep breathe in
Close your eyes
Imagine what your next step will be
Open them up, then go for it
What are you waiting for?
This is it
Your time is now
Live in the moment
And leap into the wild unknown

It's time to begin

It's time to begin
The world is waiting for you to shine your light
I understand it may feel scary
But know that you are never alone
Take that brave step forward
Follow where your heart is guiding you
Be present in the moment
And never give up on your dreams

It's time to begin
To say yes to what is lighting you up
And no to what you no longer serves you
Make the choices that feed your soul
And choose the direction you want to travel
Don't get hung up on how it will all come together
Trust your own intuition
Do it your own way

It's time to begin
Believing in yourself
Seeing yourself as the amazing individual you are
Speaking words of kindness when you look in the mirror
Showing the world your bright beautiful smile
Standing tall with your head held high and your shoulders back
Feeling the love that surrounds you
Yes, it is time to fully step into yourself

Don't wait another second longer
Do one small thing today that gets you closer to where you want to be
Lean in and ask for help
Allow others to see your vulnerability
Stay true to who you are
And unearth the potential you have within
It is time to begin
Go ahead, get started

The writing prompt:  "It's time to begin" was pulled from this current round of the Love Notes Postcard project.  Another round started today and my heart is exploding with love knowing that people will be sharing their words with strangers.  

Your words have power. What you share with others has the potential to crack them open.  You never know what one thing will inspire you and you also never know what you do that inspires others.  So put your best foot forward.  Be strong, be brave, be kind.  The world could use all the kindness that people are willing to pour into it.