silent knowing

Dear {You}

We have never spoken a word to one another.  As I set off on my daily lunch time runs, you are there, every day in your car.  Windows rolled down, soaking in your lunchtime with a cigarette.  We never make eye contact, but I feel your presence and your silent cheers.  

The other day we passed one another in the hallway and had a silent look of knowing.  I felt as if you understood my dedication.  Were proud of me for showing up day after day.  And when I run past you, I always push myself a little bit harder.  

You are there when I leave.  And there when I return.  I am tired at the end, but when I see you sitting in your car I want to run as fast as I can.  

We may never know each others name, but I feel we have a mutual respect for one another.  You crave silence on you lunch hour.  Sitting in your car, windows rolled down, enjoying every puff of your cigarette.  

I take to the road alone.  Me and my music.  One foot in front of the other.  

We do not speak, but together we enjoy the silent company of the sky.  

Thank you for being there, even though you aren't even there for me.  I enjoy your company, even though we have never spoke a single word.  Thank you for pushing me further than I thought I could ever go.  And thank you for showing up day after day.  

One day I will tell you why I show up.  And I will soak in your story of silent comfort.  But until then we will meet, day after day in silence.  

xo
Jennifer

love letter

There are so many things I want to tell you
But as the door opens, I am off to work
And when I come home you have already gone
But each moment that I sit here I think of you
My heart filled with gratitude
Love overflowing

I am grateful for your kindness
I am grateful for your love
I am grateful for your patience and your cheers

You let me be me
Even when I am quiet and reserved
You hold my hand
Shine a light on my dreams
And encourage me to go for it

I feel at home with you
It is a feeling like no other
I have never felt more me, than when I am with you

I know our schedules are busy
Our moments are fleeting
But with each day we are building our life, together

For it is you I want to always stand next to
You make me laugh, even if in the moment I want to cry
You bring so much happiness to my life
And remind me of how precious each day is

I love you
Am grateful to grow old with you
I love the memories we have created
The adventures we have taken
And the life we are building

Thank you for you

nana you are always in my heart

It was a year ago that we lost her, but it feels like yesterday
No matter how much time passes she will forever live in our hearts 
And be present in the way we live our day to day life

She had the most incredible amount of patience
Raising eleven kids I never once remember hearing her raise her voice
She was kind and loving

She inspected me for chicken poxs
And gave me the soft chocolate chip cookies,
The kind my mom would never buy

She always, always had a smile on her face
Never spoke a bad word about anyone
And made you feel like the most important person in the room

She listened, really listened
Was so proud of her family
And soaked in the love that always swirled around

She was the glue that held the family together
And even though she isn't here in person
She still holds us together

She would do anything for you
Fight off a kidnapper
And put a bandaid on your scrap

She always reminded you of what was really important in life
Family
Her family was everything to her

She may be gone, but I see her around me
In the way my aunts and uncles interact
In the kind and caring way my brothers are with their own children

She is always there
Reminding me to be kind, 
And to treat people with respect, always

Even in her passing our family has stayed strong
We may have our differences
But we are always there for one another, always

It is amazing to see so many people come together
Holidays are filled with happiness
And even day to day we are reaching out to one another

Nana created a legacy
She is loved, respected, and will never be forgotten
She has made the Belthoff name one to be proud of

We all miss her smile every day
But hold her closely in our hearts
Nana, was and always will be my hero

ignite the spark

I have always admired hand bound books but never knew how to make them myself.  Watching Stacy Kathryn's video I totally get how to do it and cannot wait to give it a try.  

Oh how I wish that I was in the Subway Terminal when this dance party began.  

Jen Lemen always inspires me and her new venture really has my heart swooning.  What if this was the future of money?

By day she is planning the aisles of toy stores and at night she is making the most adorable cake pops!  Miss CupKates mixes her heart and soul into her creations.  

Going back to April 2010 my own words are inspiring me to keep showing up and putting pen to paper

ready to fly

What I really wanted to tell you
Was that I can do so much more than print out documents
I have ideas
I dig into things
I ask questions, and seek out the answers
I am not complacent
I am not meant to just sit here and wait for something to do
I can make a difference
I form connections
Build processes
Find a new way to do something

What I really wanted to tell you
Was that in those moments when I am not speaking
I am thinking
I am not one to just run my mouth simply to hear my own voice
When I speak there is thought and intention behind the words
There are ideas, questions, and conversation
I am not loud and boisterous
I do not seek out to be the center of attention
I am thoughtful
And show respect
Do not think I do not know when I am not speaking
I am taking in the details
Sorting them out
And putting together the pieces of the puzzle that you haven't figured out

What I really wanted to tell you
Is that I am strong
I am capable
I inspire others and get the work done
Not by calling someone out
But by meeting them where they are
And figuring out a plan
I know I can fly
You just need to give me the chance to spread my wings

nyc marathon bound

In 2010 I stood on the side of the road at the NYC Marathon and cheered on my Aunt Kelly and Uncle Chris as they pushed themselves through 26.2 miles.  I was in awe of their dedication, strength, and courage.  They were running for the Sloan Kettering Memorial Hospital with Fred's Team in honor of Kelly's Father who lost his life to cancer.  

As I stood there overflowing with inspiration I said to my cousin, "I want to do this next year!"  Being there in the moment and watching all walks of life push themselves further than they ever thought possible I couldn't help but be inspired.  I was a runner in high school and never dreamed of running a marathon, but on that day the dream was ignited.  

When I got home the excitement of the moment wore off and I realized how much time and dedication it would take to actually train for the marathon and I said, "maybe next year".  A few years have passed since that initial dream was spoken and this year that dream will come true.  

Each year since 2010 either Kelly or Chris have ran with Fred's Team, raising money to support the hospital, doctors, researchers, patients, and their families.  This year I am stepping in to run and give their legs a break.  I am honored to have the opportunity to run for Fred's Team and so grateful for the strength and dedication that Kelly and Chris have shown over the years.  They have taught me that with determination and practice anything is possible.  

Along with the countless number of miles that I will be training I will also raising money for Fred's Team.  It will be a different sort of marathon to raise the money, but each dollar matters and I will be there every step of the way in order to surpass my goal.  

As I train for November 2nd I will be showing up here as well, with stories, inspiration, and the struggles that arise when you push yourself past your preconceived limit.  I hope you will join me on this journey.  Together we can take a step forward to fight cancer.  

You can find my Fred's Team donation page here.  

Please pass this along to anyone you feel would be interested.  When we come together in small ways, big things happen.  Let's come together.  

xo