showing up
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When I was younger I ran track and cross country. I tore Nike Ads out of magazines and hung them on my bedroom wall. When I wanted to switch them out I would carefully peel them off the wall and tape them into a spiral notebook. It was the beginning of my obsession with inspirational words and collage journaling. I didn't even realize that until this moment. I wish I still had that spiral notebook. I can still picture some of the ad's in my mind.
I have had a love / hate relationship with running. On again, off again. Getting talked into doing different runs then regretting actually saying yes. My most recent dabble into running began because I go to the gym at work during lunch time. In the winter it is great . . . gets me away from my desk for a bit. But when the warm weather hit I longed to be outside. So I put on my sneakers, grabbed my headphones, and headed outside for a run. It was one of the best decisions I have ever made.
But beginning wasn't easy. While I was running on constant replay in my mind was "I want to stop, I want to stop, I want to stop." No matter how loud I turned up my music that soundtrack played on repeat. But the warm sunshine and the fresh air kept bringing me back outside day after day. Thank goodness for my obsession with sunshine. It feels great to break up my day with a run and then head back inside to work. I feel refreshed, and alive.
When I first started running again I wasn't as strong as I am now physically and mentally. It took work and showing up day after day, even when I didn't want to show up. Each step I take makes me stronger. My mind hasn't played the "I want to stop" song in awhile, and that feels good. To me running is a mind game. Physically I can do it, but mentally I must work hard to get it done.
After I run I snap a photo to remind me that I can do it. I can show up. I can take the first step. I can make it. And I know that I will continue to get stronger. But I must show up.
Where are you showing up these days?
