squam saved my life

It is not every day that an experience or a moment comes along and changes your life forever.  That type of magic does not swirl through our every day lives, but when it does happen to scoop us up we have to to stop and cherish it. We have to hold onto it, appreciate, and tend it.

In 2008 I had one of those moments.  I took an enormous risk and ventured off into the woods of New Hampshire with two women I never met before to attend

Squam Arts Workshops

.  It was one of the bravest things I have ever done and since I stepped into those magical woods my life has never been the same.

A whole new world opened it's doors to me, kindly invited me in, and made room for me on the couch.  I was blown away.  My shy quiet self began to dig my own roots into my soul and discover things about me that I never knew.  Attending squam saved my life and changed it in an epic way.

You may be on the fence about going squam.  I know the nerves, feeling scared, unsure of what the experience is going to be like.  The thought of it can be terrifying.  Before I went to squam I was afraid no one would sit with me at lunch, I wouldn't fit in, I would have no one to talk to, just to name a few.  But as soon as I stepped into the woods that fear was washed away with a hug from Elizabeth. I was meant to be there.

There may be moments where you will feel completely uncomfortable, but that goes hand in hand with growth.  Before you are able to dig your roots deep you have to navigate the terrain, work through the hard soil, water the ground, and nurture yourself.  It is in this discomfort and uncertainty that the growth is taking place.  It is always scary to be in a place you have never been before, but if you sit with that uncomfortable feeling for just a little bit you will begin to sprout and you will be so glad you stayed.  Beautiful things unfold, connections are made, and your life is never the same.

If you are unsure about going to squam hop on over to their blog, I share

my squam experience

.  Maybe it will help to calm some of those nerves that are lurking inside of you.  And if you have any questions or want to know more, feel free to email me.  I would be so happy to chat with you about squam.  I know thinking about going can be terrifying, but actually going can be liberating.

feeling

We all have a story
And each of ours is different
Standing next to one another we may experience the same thing
But it breathes life into us in a unique way
Feelings, thoughts, ideas
Created from deep within us
We must be kind to one another
Respect where each of us is on our journey
Never judge someone for where they stand

And when we each look in the mirror
We must be kind to ourselves
Understand that healing takes time
Know that we are never alone
we have our unique feelings, but everyone feels
Every single one of us is going through many of the same basic emotions
Doubt, struggle, feeling like you aren't good enough, shame
No matter the circumstance we are all human inside

Reach out to each other
Offer up a smile to a stranger, hold the hand of a dear friend
Sometimes it is the smallest thing that makes the biggest difference
Walk with someone
Listen to the sound of their heart beat
Hear the story they really want to tell, but are to afraid to speak

showing up

In order to make it happen you have to show up and do the work
You won't just wake up one day and it be done, unless you work hard at it
The painter has to paint, the writer has to write, the flower has to grow
Each of us has to reach towards the sun to make our dreams come true
Pushing ourselves past our limits, exceeding our own expectations
Working harder than we ever thought
For big things to happen it takes time and dedication
Showing up day, after day, after day and laboring through
It may be difficult at times, but the end result is worth it
A dream come true, a flower blooming brilliantly in the sunshine
Do not get discourage when you see little or no progress being made
It is all part of the process
Just continue to show up, do your job, and your dreams will unfold

exploring together

We jumped into the car
Headed to the gardens
Admiring everything that was in bloom

We soaked in the sunshine and warm weather
Held hands, laughed
Found unexpected life growing

We soaked in each others company
Walking along, telling stories
Sharing the camera we each captured a part of our adventure

And each other

It was a beautiful day
Feeling so incredibly lucky

trapped outside

There are things that I would tell you if I had the courage to speak them.  Words that would tumble out of my mouth abrasivly because I have been fighting for so long to keep them in.  There is hurt embedded deep within and a huge wake of sadness that has engulfed me.  So much living right below the surface that you do not even see

I guess that makes us one in the same.  Hiding something.  Covering it up and not showing the world our true skin because it is not as pretty and perfect as we would like to project.  We numb the pain, hide in our cacoon, and just keep going on pretending nothing has happened.

So desperatly I want to speak these words that I am fighting but I have so much fear of hurting you. Both of us are hurting, quietly in our own corners.  Longing for some sunshine, a space to breathe, a moment to be seen and loved.  How do I break through and walk together with you safely to the other side of darkness?

stepping into your life

It does not matter what size clothing you wear or how much money you make
If you work 60 hours a week at an office or 24/7 at home with your little ones
It does not matter if you live near the ocean or close to the city
Or what your exact age in numbers is

What matters is that you show up
You take the risk and share yourself
You pick up your insecurities and bring them along with you
Then one by one you drop them as we walk along

You begin to tell your stories
Share your heart, open up
You beauty radiates from your eyes
As you step more comfortably into yourself

It is not easy to show our scars
And relax deeply into who we are
To show up with our fears
And feel fully encircled with love and support

But when we it arrives at our doorstep
Arms open, smiles wide
We must embrace it
And show up exactly as we are

These precious moments are a gift
They heal us, take us through, and encourage us
Filling up our wells we start to see we are not alone
We have friends along the journey, holding our hands each step of the way

Feel the love
Savor the joy that comes with it
Know we all have struggles, fears, and insecurities
And step bravely into your life