Deep within

/

Puebla, Mexico

I did not even realize it was in me

A simple conversation

Both parties disagreeing

My pen running itself across the paper

to think through the discussion

I began on one thought

But my pen would not let it stay there

Fiercly words poured out from my heart

I wrote about something deeper

Something I did not even know I was so connected to

As my pen moved across the pages

tears welled up in my eyes

I could not hold them in

They poured down my cheeks

I knew I had emotions attached to this

But I never realized how passionate I was

How deeply it touched me

How much I felt

I never knew all of this was hidden

right below the surface

My pen wrote it out of me

Eyes open

/

I bring myself to the table

with my heart on my sleeve

I hug you

Tell you I love you

and try to show you

that life is not perfect

Sometimes it is plain awful

We get dragged through the mud

and we are not sure

how to pick ourselves back up

but we can do it

As human beings we are so strong

So powerful

and so brave

I show you my tears

I laugh with you

I take chances

I put myself out there

I live with my eyes open

In hopes to open yours

trying to remember

/

She does not remember affection. Sure, she was loved. But she wishes that she could remember the hugs. The words 'I love you' being said. The smiles on their faces when she accomplished something. She knows the moments happened. But she cannot remember them.

She remembers getting in trouble for the chocolate milk spilled on the walls in the living room. To this day she still cannot figure out how it got there.

She remembers getting getting in trouble and having to go to her room. She sat right against the door and cried.

She remembers sitting in the living room alone watching television when her mom found out that her friend died. The sound her mom made that day is still with her. At times when her mom laughs it sounds just like that moment and she is

immediately

taken back.

She wonders why it is so easy to remember these things yet her mind has seemed to be wiped clean of hearing the words 'I love you' and getting hugged. She wants to remember these moments. She closes her eyes and tries so hard to remember. But she struggles to find these memories in her mind.

She knows they are there. But she cannot remember.

She learned

/

She learned that her stubbornness can be a virtue but there are times and certain things that she must let go of. For her own sake, she must release the feelings evoked because of other people’s actions.

She learned that doing this would not be easy. She has to accept the person for who they are. Even if she does not agree. Even if there are parts of them that are dark and hurt her at times.

She learned that she should never, ever feel guilty about any of this. Because they are their choices, their decisions, and they have nothing to do with her.

She learned that she could not change their minds. She can only open up the door for them, show them what else is out there, and hope that by doing so they step through the door and enter a whole new world of possibilities.

She learned that life is not always easy. But what is great is that life is always something. That means that life keeps on going. And that is beautiful.