Rambling Thoughts at Night

/
New Paltz NY, heart opening hike

My heart yearns to say a million things.  To express emotions that have come and gone and to make you understand decisions and choices I have made.  Yet, you are you . . . so beautifully you, and I am me . . . so stubborn and set in my ways.  I long for beauty, connection, complete openness.  I want to see the messy parts of you and I want you to see them in me as well.  I want both of us to feel that this is ok.  Those are the pieces that when put all together make you so wonderful and the reason I love you so much!

Don't hide from me.  Tell me what you are scared of.  Together we will face it.  What makes you happy?  What inspires you? What moves you?  I want to know.  I would love to get a glimpse into that world of yours and feel a piece of how you feel when you are in it.  Don't shy away from this.  Feel it.  Feel it besides me.  Open up your heart to me.  Talk to me, really talk to me.  Set your fears free in the presence of me.  Explore this beautiful world with me.  Laugh, sing, dance.

Stop for a moment and take it in with me.  Do you feel the beauty?  I know sometimes you get scared.  I do too.  But let's not hide it from each other.  It is tough being scared alone - but when you have someone to lean on things don't seem so terrible.  Lean on me baby, let me be your rock.  

Smile with me, let go with me, jump into the unknown with me.  If you take the risk, walk along side me, and hold my hand, maybe I won't be so afraid to step out of my shell.  Help me stand tall, put myself out there, and leap.  I want to spread my wings to the world - but I do need some help, some strength when I am down.  I need you to help me stand when I fall and guide me back when I stray.  I just need to know you are there.  

I need someone understanding of my changing moods in darkening days, or a need to explore, create, roam, and be alone.  I want to do things on my own - but have you nearby as well, and close to my heart.  

I am not sure how to explain it or how to balance it.  I don't want to always be in the shadows nor always the center of it all.  I need to express myself more.  Stand tall, not be fearful, put myself out there.  I need to FLY!  Even if you are not around to catch me if I fall.  

Dreary

/

Ramapo

Reservation

I have been feeling really dreary lately.

The rain, the time change....

It has all weighed heavy on my heart.

I miss the sunshine on my face

The smile of the clouds as they pass by.

I miss being outside and soaking in this wonderful life.  

I have spent many days curled up in bed 

The blankets my cocoon, 

holding in the tears that want to fall

like the rain falling outside.  

I listen to the song the rain sings

Hoping it will soothe my sadness

I flip through old photographs of wonderful times 

I cherish the memory of these moments, 

but my heart is

yearning

for the sunshine.  

Tomorrow is a new day, 

and the beautiful sun should shine brightly

Hopefully this will light up my heart. 

Creativity

/

my art supplies sprawled out in my magical cottage

Creativity has surrounded me.  

It is oozing from my pours

Spilling out from my heart

And singing a song inside my head.

I feel connected

I feel centered

I feel like I am headed down the right path

I feel comfortable with myself

For a long time I was not comfortable with me

I was in the shadows

Hiding behind closed doors

Concealing my heart

But now I am colorful

Full of light

Feeling the world around me

And taking it all in

The things that surround me amaze me

Make me smile

Make me feel whole

They ignite a fire inside me, that won't go out

I adore this life,

I adore this little magical cottage I call my studio apartment

I adore my art supplies,

my camera, and my photos.

I adore the connection I get with others through these things.  

I am savoring life!