Wonderful Memories

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A little glimpse into my amazing weekend.  I am still soaking in all the love I experienced!

The Girls!

The wonderful couple on there special day!

A great group of friends.  Thank you Brinker International for bringing all of us together!

What a wonderful weekend I had.  Filled with great friends, laughing, smiles, and sunshine.  It was a wedding that brought us all together, yet the weekend became more than that to all of us.  We bonded, we laughed, we shared stories, and had blast together.  It is amazing to me how working with people makes them feel like family to you.  And even when you don't work together anymore you still have that bond.  We may not see each other as much as we would like to but when we come together it is like we never left one another.   

I am so grateful to have each and every one of them in my life.

Thank you dear friends for always being there for me. 

I want to be....

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Campfire at Wolf World

I don't get it....

I worry.... I fret...

I drive myself crazy.

I want to appear strong, am I a strong person?

I don't watch television, have no idea even the programs that are on.

I don't have much of a wardrobe...I tend to wear the same clothes over and over again...

but it is what I am comfortable in.  Does it matter that I am not a fashion guru?

Who am I?

I don't know....or do I?

Who could possibly care about me?

The real me....

The one who likes to shower twice a day, and wants to eat healthy (but loves chocolate), and read, and paint, and just plain soak up life.  The one who likes to laugh and be silly and do ridiculous things because they are fun.  The one who doesn't wear makeup..in fact knows nothing about it.  

Who could possibly love this person?  The person who likes to ride her shiny red bike with the basket around town, smiling and waving to strangers.  Spending hours in the library.  Who could possibly care about the person who cares more about laughing then about money?  The person who just wants to connect with others....

I feel like a stranger in this world.  I feel like people don't get me.  I am constantly apologizing for who I am.  

The writer....the painter...the photographer...who really isn't any of those things, but enjoys them.  I love to write...I love to paint...and I love to take photos...does that matter?

I am not good with the spoken word.  I get tongue tied and shy.  I don't know what to say.  And then I get embarrassed because I want to appear strong...I never want to appear weak. 

But sometimes I am sad.

And sometimes I cry.  

People hurt my feelings, and I bleed inside...don't we all?

I don't need much....some paint...a journal to write in...a book to read....I am happy that way.

But who would ever think I that is a good thing?  Who could possibly understand that the sound of the ocean eases my heart, and children's laughter lights up my soul?  Who could ever understand that I just want to be seen....I just want to be heard.  I am a person.

Sometimes I feel invisible.  

Sometimes I am scared.

I am ashamed to admit these feelings, but don't we all feel them?  Do we?

Oh goodness...

Oh goodness...

Holding on to the Magic

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Squam Workshops, New Hampshire

Coming home from

squam

I was on this amazing high.  Floating above the clouds from all the love and inspiration that enveloped me.  I have never experienced such magic before.  It was breathtaking.  

However now I sit here and cry.  Unable to figure out how to incorporate all those amazing feelings into my every day living.  I still have to pay my bills, still have to go to work, still have to do the dishes and think of something to cook for dinner.  My mind seems unable to grasp it all.  I am upset with myself because I have not carved out any time to create, any time to read, any time to just be with myself and soak in my emotions from squam.  I am in desperate need of a warm hug from the amazing

Thea

and time to just sit and talk with the fabulous

Jen Gray 

I miss cozying up to the fire at night, telling stories, listening to brave souls pour out their hearts, and feeling seen for the first time in my life.  Coming back to NJ I feel slightly lost because I am unable to get a grip on it all.  I am juggling many things in my life and what I really need to do is put it all down.  Examine what is really important and pick only those things back up.  

My mind needs time to sort through it all.  To embrace the moment.  To cherish the memories.  And to figure out how to hold onto it and spread it around me.  

I am searching for answers.