You

We used to be together.

Laughing, joking, enjoying each others company.

Now we are apart.

Not even sure what the other is doing.

How did it come to this? 

Did we not work hard enough? 

Did we not listen to each others inner most thoughts? 

Did we close our eyes to the beauty that surrounded us?

Before we were a team, now we are strangers.

Passing one another in the night and never even noticing.

Looking around I see all the things we used to share,

Time spent together.

When all is still and quiet I can still hear your laughter bouncing off the walls. 

Photos of you remain in frames hung up so neatly.  

I still cannot muster up the strength to take them down.

When I gaze upon them memories flood my mind.

Taking me back to a moment filled with smiles and time spent together. 

There are still moments when my eyes well up with tears.

Remembering you.  

We spent so much time laughing... 

no one can make me laugh like you do.

Just hearing that laugh brings a smile to my face.

I miss you!

I hope you are well,

and I hope whatever you are up to your laughter is following you!

SQUAM

I am doing it....I am actually really doing it.

I can not even believe it myself.

But I am attending

SQUAM

This is a dream come true for me.

I am extremely nervous about it

I am not an artist

I just love to do art.

Who am I to be surround by such inspiration?

But I am doing it

I am putting myself out there, and it is so exciting.

This will be a trip I will remember for the rest of my life.

What feels even better is that I am doing this for myself.

Purely for myself.

Rarely do I do things for myself.

I know this experience will fill my heart, inspire my soul, and leave me smiling from ear to ear.

Two more weeks!! Hooray!!

Not leaving....

I can't leave.  I simply must stay.

I enjoy it here.

The conversation, the laughter, the common bond we have formed for being together for so long.  

What amazes me is how this place has brought us all together. 

All so different, yet sharing something special, sharing something unique just by being here.

When you leave things change.  

You lose touch, you do not have the same connection.  It is a shame

So I simply must stay.  I can't leave

I really enjoy it here.

I know what to expect when I  walk in.

A friendly greeting, a smile, "hi hunnnie"

I do not have that anywhere else.  

It has grown here and has become a part of me.

Sure one day I will move on, 

but for now I am going to enjoy the part of me that has been nurtured here and I will stay

Looking Out

Looking out, 

and what do I see?

Is that the same girl staring up at me?

She is stronger now

Braver

A look of determination in her eyes.  

How did she grow in such a short amount of time?

I turned around for a second and here she stands above me.

Ready to help me up with a gentle smile and calming look in her eyes.

She seems happy living alone, enjoying each day, working hard.

She seems more together, more relaxed, calm.

Is that the same girl staring up at me?

I look for a long time into those deep brown eyes and I realize

the girl I see is me.  

Embracing life, savoring the sights and sounds, and feeling what is around.

The road was long, the path was bumpy, and still I am on my journey.

Traveling along with a little more pep in my step, and a song in my heart.

Everything as it should be.

Traveling along with this beautiful girl inside of me. 

Darkness

In the distance it is there,

but I can't feel it

I can't see it

I don't even know what it is like anymore

Does it really exist?

Will I ever experience it again?

I am hurting,

Struggling.  

Feeling terrible horrible feelings

They are washing over me as tears soak my shirt.

How did I end up on this dark road?

Why do I feel so trapped?

Will a light shine through the darkness?

Or will I be left to my own demise?

Here, Now What?

Here I am,

Now what?

What am I doing here?

How did I even get here?

Do I belong here?

Sometimes I am not so sure

I shy away from myself, 

get nervous to stand tall

I put myself down.

That needs to stop, 

right here

right now

What?

What do you have to say about that?

I tried to give you my heart.

I tried to show you who I was

You disappeared

You backed down

You are no longer around.

Yes I would love to have you here,

but it doesn't seem like you care much for that.

So I choose myself.

I choose to save the only thing I know how to save

I choose me.

You might have not, but I did.  

Don't feel bad for me

Don't look down on me with those disapproving eyes

I need to take care of myself

I need to lift my head up,

look into the sky and reach for the stars

It's a shame it never worked

It's a shame you ran 

But here I am,

firm in the soil, planting my feet in the ground

I traveled an immense distance for you

I placed my heart in the palm of my hands ready to give it to you

Maybe I made it to easy, maybe I was to fragile for you.

Yes I am a "flower loving artist" as you say

Who does need someone pretty "unique to keep me grounded"

But I'm not worried about that now

I have my head on my shoulders, 

I am feeding my heart and nourishing my soul.

I am Here!