I have returned

I have returned from my little hiatus of no

television

, no reading, and computer.  I have missed this blog community but I was also able to clear my head, clean out my closet, enjoy a wonderful night out with Christian, and a family dinner filled with laughs.  So it was a wonderful time away.  

Normally in the mornings I will watch NBC and be so unproductive.  However this past week I was able to clear my head, write, and enjoy a nice

breakfast

.  It is nice to not have others thoughts swirl around my brain.  I was able to be more creative and I felt more peaceful.  

Possibly a week away is necessary each month even if I don't leave my own apartment.  

A little Vacation

I am taking a little trip,

I just need to go away for awhile,

However, I won't be going anywhere.

I just need to get the jumble out of my head,

I need to fill my brain with original ideas and thoughts,

I will only be gone a short while.

Right now my head is swirling,

The noise from the tv is not allowing me to think,

I need to step away from it all.

I will miss reading,

But hopefully I will do more writing.

I will miss movies,

But hopefully I will take more photos.

I will miss hiding myself behind a book on my lunch break,

But hopefully I will talk to more strangers,

and encounter more interesting things.

I will miss you,

and a piece of me hopes that you will miss me too.

I won't be gone long.

I wish you fun adventures while I am gone!

Leaving and Receiving Love Notes.

I find it a bit frightening to leave love notes around.  What if people find them and then find me, and then confront me about it.  What would they say?  What would I say?  Would they mock me, think I was silly, think I was stupid?  Would they put me down and make me feel bad?  Every time I leave a note a small sense of fright washes over me.  

I left one the other day on the first floor of my new office building.  I am still to chicken to leave one on my own floor.  Before leaving for the day I had to use the bathroom, and so I stopped on the first floor and entered the bathroom where I had left my love note earlier in the day.  

When I left the note I hung it neatly on the back of one of the bathroom with stalls.  A little surprised to be discovered by some un-expecting stranger.  I hung it with pride, fright, and a little sense of freedom.  When I walked into the bathroom their it was, on the floor.  Devastation flooded my body going directly to my heart.  Saddness for my heart felt love note which read:

"Cheers-

To a new day and another chance to get it right."

I choose this one carefully for the office, hoping that it would make someone smile or brighten their stressful day.  And their it was---on the floor.  With tender loving hands I scooped up my note and placed it safely into my bag.  My heart was sad.   

Seeing the love note on the floor got the wheels in my head turning.  I thought about how difficult it is for some people to receive gifts.  They could be right their for the taking and yet we drop them instead of carrying them along with us.  Sometimes we even look right past the gifts being offered to us and we don't accept them.  

If I saw this note hanging on the back of the bathroom door I am not so sure I would have picked it up myself.  It surely would have made my day, made me think happy thoughts, and made me smile...but I don't think I would take it.  

I think it may be hard for the recipients of my secret love notes to accept them.  I think they get a little frightened when they see it, just like I feel placing it.  Frightened because we are not used to such kindness.  Frightened because we were taught not to accept things from strangers.  Frightened because they don't believe the world can be this kind.  

But what we really need to do is learn how to put our guard downs.  We need to be open to the possibility that love, tenderness, caring, and kindness does surround us and is constantly swirling around.  We just need to open our eyes up to it.  

Dear Universe

Dear Universe,

It has been a little while since I last wrote.  I have been holding my fears, thoughts, and dreams inside.  However, I can no longer do this alone.  I need you to hold on to some of my fears and dreams for me.  I need you to hold them so that I am free to "be."  I want to be present in the moment, I want to show up, I want to feel what is going on around me, and I want to be able to appreciate it.  With all of these thoughts swirly through my head I am never sure what to listen to and I always feel like I cannot stop and be right where I am.  

So today I am handing them over to you.  Of course they come with an enormous THANK YOU!!! For being there, guiding me, and accepting me just the way I am.  I appreciate all that you have done for me and I really appreciate you taking these worries out of my hands.  

Thank you!

With Love,

Jennifer

My Own Room

Growing up I shared a bedroom with my brother Bobby.  We had fun.  When we were very small we had a trundle bed, then as we got older we had bunk beds.  Bunk beds were fun because we could jump off of the top.  It always made my mother mad when she heard us thunk onto the floor.  

As we grew older Brian moved to the basement, Timmy moved in with Bobby, and being the only girl I got my own room.  Oh it was wonderful to have my own room.  My favorite thing about having my own space was that I had the freedom to paint it whatever color I wanted.  My mom was super nice about this and let me be creative and gave me some good ideas along the way.  We got these super sized sponges and three different pastel colors and had a blast on the walls.  It was really nice to do this with my mom.  

Another thing I loved about having my own room was being able to move the furniture around.  I could put things wherever I wanted and I could do it whenever I wanted.  And believe me, I did.  I was always moving my furniture around.  It always threw my mom off when she came into my room.  

Having your own room is freedom.  A place to go, close the door, and no one bothers you.  I spent a lot of time in my room when I was growing up.  Listening to music, drawing, painting, enjoying time with my imaginary friends.  I was free to do whatever I wanted.  I never had a TV in my room.  Although my mom would bring one in when I was sick so that I could watch movies.  What a sweet mom I have.  

My favorite piece of furniture in my room was my desk.  I loved sitting at my desk, cleaning my desk out, and making sure that it was neat and organized.  I still need for my desk to be organized today.  

It is a lot different now, living in a studio apartment with Christian and sharing all of this space.  I don't have my own room, although I do love the room we have.  My favorite thing now about my space is the photographs I have on my walls and the enormous stack of books I have next to my bed.  It is so nice to curl into bed, page through one of those books, and gaze around and be proud of all I have accomplished.  

My dream is:  To have my own studio space when I own my own house.  I want a space to create, dream, explore, and simply be.  A space all for me.  

Snow Day!!

Luck is on my side,

Someone is watching over me....

I am not sure how, not sure what, but things seem to be coming together.

A new job, a new opportunity, a new chance to show who I am.

A snow day, a day to rest, a day to enjoy.  

The sun is shining in my soul

HOPE 

has surfaced again.

I feel good, I am happy, I am filled with hope.  

Things have turned around, and something special has come my way

And something else very

special

that I wanted for a really long time is coming soon.  

Thank you Christian!!!

What great things have happened to you lately?  I would love to hear about them.  As small as having the day off of work to as big as your dreams coming true...I want to hear it all.