Love of a lifetime.

"When a trip goes right, things take on an inevitablilty, a momentum they never have in real life"

"With a place, as with a person, you sometimes find the one you have been looking for all your life and your surrendor is immediate, and you talk and talk all night, getting to know one another as if to pack several past lifetimes into a single evening."

"The space between is always the place of potential, of strange promise."

"The definition of love is that it defies all expectations."

"It was the times when nothing happened that convinced me that I had been changed for good; something had been placed in me - a thought, a dream, a question - that I would never manage to uproot."

"Nothing was happening, and I was happier than I'd been anywhere."

"There is only one time that you fall in love and feel, with trembling assurance, that your life is slipping away from you irreverisibly, and youa re delighted at the loss."

All of the above quotes are from an article in an old magazine I found which I saved for the beautiful photos inside. I never read the articles before, I had only looked at the fabulous photos. However the first quote in the article caught my eye, and it spoke volumes to me. The article is 'Cuba, arriving in a new life' by Pico Iyer and it was published in 2006 in 'Islands' Magazine. Oh Pico, your article was beautifully articulate. Everything he had said about Cuba I feel about Mexico.

Inside of me is this seed, this spark, that will not die. It is only looking and seeking to be nourished and filled with more. It will not go away. It will never go away. It is my destiny, it is me, it is everything I am.

I have traveled to many places before. I have enjoyed there company and there surroundings. I have even felt love for certain places. But nothing like I felt for Mexico. Nothing speaks to me more than Mexico does. I cannot even put into words the feelings that are going through my heart as I type this right now. But I can say that they feel amazing.

Hmmm

Tomorrow is the day

Cap and gown

Pompin circumstance

My name being called on the stage

A degree in my hand

Leaving Ramapo College for good this time

It is surreal to me

I am actually graduating from College....

It took long enough :)

But it is a huge accomplishment for me

It seems so strange to think that I am not going back to class

That the chapter of my book at Ramapo College is finally finished.

I never thought I would finish that chapter

I am excited and sad

My parents, bobby, erika, Aunt nancy, thomas, alex, and Christian

will all be there

It means so much to me that they will be there,

especially since I reallly don't even want to go

And know what else is great...

I was the only one in my photography class to get an "A". I don't mean to brag but I am so proud of this accomplishment. At first I just thought the professor was giving every one good grades because I was getting good grades on all my assignments. But it turns out he was not. He even told me that he does not normally give out "A's" but the work I was doing in the class really deserved an A. This makes me so happy, because this was not a class where you had to study and that is what got me the grade. I had to go out find things to take pictures of, be creative with what I was photographing, and use my camera correctly to photograph it. I love taking photos...I never really thought I was any good at it, but my professor really belives I have some type of talent. It is nice to know that someone out there belives you are talented. Someone you don't really even know. He believes I will accomplish great things in my life. Who doesn't love to hear that.

My very last semester at Ramapo College was fabulous....no finals....a trip to Mexico...and an amazing photography class. A girl could not ask for more.

Divine Inspiration!

Michelle has come up with a brilliant way of celebrating her birthday. (I apologize, but I need to figure out how to link again, once I do I will put up the link) She is going to do one thing each day in May to pamper her soul and feed her spirit. What an amazing way to celebrate her birthday. I think it is incredibly inspiring and I am going to try to do it as well. This is something I really need to think about though, and like she said...mark it on my calender.

Taking time to nourish my body, inspire my creative soul, and feed my inner spirit. Time for myself, to fully indulge and appreciate who I am. A time to celebrate me. I belive I will kick it off tomorrow with some dancing. What better way to begin than with Bob Sinclair's "Love Generation." Dancing is extremly healing, and really lifts up my spirits. I'll be honest, I really enjoy dancing in front of the mirror. :)

I think this month a bike ride is in order. As well as an early morning walk, taking beautiful photos of myself, singing along to my favorite songs, exploring the book store--which I have not done in so long, walking tall and being proud of who I am, cooking myself a nice meal and eating it by candle light, diving into a fabulous book that I want to read....hmm I wonder what else. I will definitly keep you posted as to what I indulge in during this month of me.

Beauty

Look deep inside

Do you see what is there?

Do you see all that I see?

No need to be shy or ashamed

You are beautiful

Wonderful, amazing.

Your smile brightens the room

Your laugh is like music

Everything about you is beautiful

I wish you could see this

feel this, belive this,

I wish you knew this.

There is no reason to hide

No reason to feel ashamed

Everyone is excited to know you

They welcome you with open arms

Come out of your shell and embrace the beauty of life all around you

Embrace what is truly amazing, yourself!

Processing these feelings.

Well I have been back from Mexico for a couple of days now and I still feel like I cannot process all the emotions and feelings which have taken over my body, heart, and mind. It was one of the most amazing experiences I have had. The people which we encountered were the nicest people, they treated us like we were family. The group we were traveling with were also so nice, we all got along really well which was great.

Before I left for the trip I was extremely nervous because I have never been to Mexico and I really was not sure what to expect. This was not a normal vacation, and I think that is what had my nerves going, because although I had an idea what we were doing, I really did not know. However the people make you feel so welcome and open up their hearts and lives to you. They make you feel like a part of their family, and they are so welcoming to you and happy that you are there to help and that you yourself are open and willing to open up yourself to them.

This experience for me was amazing because it is one thing to talk about these topics with people, or even to see the people doing the jobs, like we saw on the first day when we took our walk around the area and saw Oscar working on his Nopal field. I thought it was amazing how dedicated he was when I saw him working, but when we got the chance to work right next to him and do the work that he does I gained a whole other respect for him. It was also such a wonderful experience how much they appreciated us. Oscars mother brought us juice and cookies and was so kind to us. She even said that before Americans began coming here she had a very poor opinion of us. She thought we all had our foots on the Mexicans. However now that she sees us here her mind has really changed. It is great that her mind has changed, but so sad that she thought these thoughts at all.

What really surprised me was how in the United States people are constantly obsessed with their outer beauty. Constantly looking in the mirror, trying to buy the best clothes, putting on lots of makeup to cover up. During the week I was in Mexico I think I looked in the mirror only three times. And the mirror was the smallest mirror I have ever seen hung on a wall. It rarely crossed my mind how I looked on the outside because it just did not matter. What mattered was what we were doing. And no one ever commented on how we looked, or made us feel bad for not looking perfect. The people were so accepting of us, so loving, and so caring. They saw past our face and clothes and really saw the true beauty we all possess inside of us. What an amazing feeling.

It was really so great to work with these people as one. The day we worked in the Mixzteca was great. It was a whole different type of work experience. Everyone worked together, no one was complaining, no one was yelling, and everyone got along. Nothing like working here in America. It was also great because Celastino and I worked as a team, which definitely made it easier. It was more motivation than trying to accomplish these difficult tasks alone. It was also really nice to get to know these people. It makes the experience more personal knowing these peoples past experiences, hopes, and desires.

My mind is still trying to process all these thoughts. Still trying to process what I experienced. Still trying to fully understand how it has changed my life, and what it means for my future. I am so grateful for this experience and so grateful for everyone who has made this one of the most amazing experiences of my life.

A gentle shift

Thinking about life....about positive thinking...about believing you can do anything.

Thinking about wanting to do something....

and then just doing it....

like going for daily walks, enjoying life, taking more photos, creating more art.

What am I doing instead?

I always feel so busy....what is taking up my time?

I want:

*to go for walks at least twice to three times a week

*to stretch daily, I really want to work on my flexibility

*to create more art--be more creative in my life

*to spend more quailty time with the ones I love: talking, laughing, playing games

*to be more active

*to spend more time outdoors. (This is really hard to do in the winter, but spring is right around the corner)

Those are six simple things that I want in my life right now. And I am going to do them. I am going to accomplish all of them....and I am going to feel so much better about myself for actually doing what I want and for actually surrounding my life with what it needs. I am going to nourish my inner soul!